So I'm new at this...It's kinda scarey to bare yourself to total strangers, huh?

I have been ana on and off for about 10 years. When I fail ana, like lately, I feel lost and scared. I feel like a failure. I'm so afraid that I am going to look like a beached whale this summer. I am so afraid that my boyfriend is going to discover realize that I am a fatty and have no self control. This is the heaviest I have ever been. Its my first year out of college and on my own, so you would think that It would be easy to get the weight off again. WRONG. I get lonely, depressed, or stressed out and I stuff my face. No one is here to see me, to slow me down. I have tried everything. Last week I was on a juice fast, it actually worked for the time that I was on it but I finally got so frustrated that I just stuffed my face. Lately I have gotten really into running. I found running as a way to keep me in shape as well as sane. I have run 2 half marathons and currently am training for a full marathon. Actually, I am running a 5k in the morning too. I'll let you know how it goes. :)

In the meanwhile...could you all send me tips on how I could drop some weight fast, bikini season is rapidly approaching.