sedaqah's Xanga

Great! Now I'm Really Stuck

Thu, 17 Jul 2008 02:46:10 GMT

On one of my recent trips up to Sactown to spend time with my extended family, especially Mom (who'd just be pre-diagnosed with pancreatic cancer), my brother Rob and I began a conversation around this issue of the Christian Church and those with same-sex attraction (SSA). Rob grew up in the same Chinese American Baptist church as me, but he and his family attend a Presbyterian church downtown, directly across the street from the state capital. My brother is a city councilman and it doesn't surprise me that he and his wife love and respect their pastor for preaching about current events and controversial issues. Even before the May ruling on same sex marriage by the California Supreme Court, Rob's church has been welcoming and affirming same-sex couples for years. So you can well imagine the tenor of our conversation when I shared with him what our church hosted on May 10th (see earlier posts).

I'm older by five years but Rob's probably 100 IQ points smarter than me (and I'm not stupid). He doesn't miss a trick. If you've got any holes in your arguments, he'll spot 'em long before you do and drive a truck through them. As we got deeper and deeper into the conversation around the Christian Church and homosexuals, I began bracing myself early for his expert cross examination (when he was arguing cases in the courtroom, he went 10 years without ever losing a verdict! His very first legal victory was defending Renault against an anti-lemon lawsuit!).

The clock on the desk in the guestroom read "1:22 AM" when he exposed the flaw in my publicly pronounced position.

"So let me get this straight, Ken. You're saying that homosexuality is just one outcome of all of human sexuality's being broken, right? But since the church is supposed to be a place of God's healing and hope for all broken sinners, people at EvergreenLA now are open to receiving those struggling with same-sex attraction, with the operative phrase being 'struggling with.' However, if someone with same-sex attraction was NOT struggling with this, was NOT convinced that this orientation was contrary to God's Word and God's specific will for him/her, then you would have to draw the line there. Did I hear you say that? That's what I thought.

"Okay, look, you're the theologian, not me. I'm a lawyer and this is about religious convictions, not the law of the land. But even though I'm not a theologian, I'm troubled by the flagrant inconsistencies of your publicly stated position on this important issue. Again, I'm not a theologian like you, but do you mean to tell me that there is no one--not a single person--coming to your church today, even serving as a lay leader or on your ministry staff--who is actively sinning AND not struggling with that sin? You said that you're trying hard not to single out homosexual behavior as the worst sin, that instead you're trying to treat this 'sin' in the same way that you treat any and all sins, right? (At this point, I became familiar with feelings of entering a battle of wits unarmed).

"So let's start with you, Ken. Are you a sinner? Okay, but are there any sins that you in fact AREN'T struggling with? You know, they don't bother you, you don't spend any time fretting over them, and you and the church certainly don't believe that whatever these might be don't disqualify from being a pastor, let alone just coming to church. Let me get really concrete for a moment: Is being too materialistic a sin? Definitely listed as such in the Bible. Do you have a problem with being too materialistic? (I was about to plead the 5th but that would have been fruitless.) But let's say that you know that being materialistic was a sin but you aren't struggling one bit with being too materialistic. Or let's say it was the sin of gluttony. Any obvious gluttens going to your church, Ken? Any in leadership positions? Or let's say it was the sin of an unforgiving heart. Do you think there might be a good number of folk at EvergreenLA who harbor long-standing grudges without ever really struggling with their refusal to forgive?

"So if sinners who AREN'T struggling with certain sins are welcomed and allowed to serve throughout the church, why are you changing the standards just because this time it's about people with SSA?"

As the big hand was just minutes away from making it clear that we were approaching 2 AM, all I could tell Rob was that those were great points and that God had just used him to kick my behind.

I'm really starting to believe that the crux of this crucial issue before us all comes down to these questions: 1) Is someone born with SSA or is it a choice?, and 2) Regardless of whether scholars and scientists will ever solve the mystery of sexual attraction, how will you respond when the person with the SSA is your own flesh and blood or your best friend since first grade?

Can you get me unstuck from my apparent inconsistent application of Scripture towards LGBT community members?

I tell you one thing: The next time someone begins by saying, "Well, I'm not a theologian like you..." you'd better either brace yourself for a bumpy ride or it's time to strap in and TAKE OFF!

Peace,
pken.

The Gift of Cancer

Wed, 18 Jun 2008 01:17:54 GMT

As far as headlines go, this one is by far the most oxymoronic I've ever come up with. Cancer, a gift? Clearly only someone with a delusional mind and a cancer-free body could suggest that this archenemy of all of us is something that could be celebrated and appreciated.

I am no stranger to cancer even though it has yet to invade my body. My brother-in-law Emery died of liver cancer at 32, leaving my sister with a 2-year old and a 7-month old and without the love of her life. Melinda later was diagnosed with breast cancer, which ultimately invaded her bones and finally her brain before it finished her off. My 85-year old dad is still alive, even though lung cancer robbed him of 1/3 of his right lung and Non-Hodgkins lymphoma has reduced this once-strapping fellow to a shadow of his former self. And not yet two weeks ago my 82-year old mother was told she has pancreatic cancer. So while I have not had cancer, my family has been tormented by this scourge of death. I don't know what it's like to have cancer but I do know what it's like to love someone who's been given this most-dreaded of all diagnoses.

My mom's cancer diagnosis hit me particularly hard because we're the most alike in my family. Our being so close was one of the obstacles I faced 30 years ago when I felt God was calling me to uproot from NoCal and move south for seminary and who knows what else. As much as it pained her to see me go, Mom gave me her unconditional blessing when I left, not knowing when I'd ever be back. That was 1978 and it took this horrific diagnosis of pancreatic cancer to make me realize that I've been gone three decades! Over the course of those years, I didn't always make it back to Sacramento every year. I started thinking that I'd probably been with Mom then less than 30 times since 1978. Maybe more like 20 times? Twenty times in thirty years is more like the profile of two people who aren't very close versus two people who are extremely close. Yet that's what happened. I would just get too wrapped up in ministry and life and she would never dare drive six hours to LA and she was too thrifty to take Southwest.

Her being diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, however, brought all of this to my attention. What other mother would never ONCE in thirty years make any effort to make me feel guilty or bad for never coming back home? In fact, it's been her unbridled love and enthusiasm for me, my calling as a pastor, my ministry here at EBCLA that has been the most amazing source of personal strength and focus all these years. As much as she misses me, as much as I've been missing from her life and she's been missing from mine, I can't remember a single time that she's ever overtly or even covertly let me know that I've been gone too long. What she has made a point of repeating is that she's glad I've been down in LA because she doesn't believe that I would have grown as much if I'd either have stayed in NoCal or had come back to serve in a church.

Thirty years. You know what I just figured out? Mom was the age I am now (53) when I headed south for seminary. Whoa! That just hit me like the proverbial ton of bricks. Back then, I thought she was sort of old already, but now I KNOW she wasn't old! But she became an old woman while I've been away.

So that's why, after hearing of the initial diagnosis, I found substitutes or replacements for all of my weekend responsibilities and was headed up to Sactown the next night. As soon as I walked in her front door, she put her cancer-thinned arms around me and started sobbing. "I'm so glad you came home, Ken. I'm so glad you came home."

Other then the fact that she'd lost 20 pounds the last couple of months, Mom looked and definitely acted like her typical self. But the reports from her doctors made it impossible to ignore that cancer had established an immovable foothold on the head of her pancreas--the worst possible place for it to be.

It's one thing to go back home to the house where you grew up and to re-enter the flow of your original family. It's another thing altogether to go back when there's a death sentence hanging over a family member's head. Mind you, I'd made that kind of trip three times before, but this time I was awash with indecipherable thoughts and feelings because it was Mom.

The next morning, as we were walking back to the house, I remarked that the sun was so much stronger ever since the city cut down the giant elm tree in front. I said to her, "Looks like some of your neighbors have replanted new trees after their elms were cut down." Mom casually responded, "I wouldn't live long enough to see it provide shade for our house. (pause) I'll let the next owner make that decision." A simple statement, but one that was interlaced with her profound new sense of mortality. Something told me that her impending sense of the end of her life had begun some time before the dreaded pronouncement.

Later that afternoon, we were sitting in the dining room, the one with the threadbare carpet that she refused to replace ("What's the point?") and the wooden chair whose undercarriage had come unglued.

"Mom, if you think about it, we're all terminal. It's just that you can no longer deny it. I read once that it's only after you learn how to die that you can really know how to live. What do you think about that?"

"I believe that. Now more than ever. I'm grateful to God that He's let me live this long. How can I be bitter when Emery only lived to 32 and I've lived more than 30 years longer than Melinda did?"

"Sort of makes you wake up and realize that every day is a gift from God that deserves to be opened, doesn't it? If God gives us one more day than others get, how can we waste it being bitter, angry or ungrateful?"

"Ken, as much as I don't want this cancer inside me, I'm so grateful for the time God's given me, time to reconnect with my siblings, time to stop holding grudges and appreciate people more."

"Mom, only God knows how many days you have, right? Let's not waste a single one."

Then, for the umpteenth time, we hugged and cried and laughed. And, although we didn't say it, we sort of thanked God for cancer.

Peace,
pken.

Some of My Thoughts about the Conversation about Homosexuality Event

Mon, 12 May 2008 23:46:46 GMT

For all the hype and anticipation leading up to the unprecedented May 10th Conversation about Homosexuality that our church hosted for Christians on Social Issues (CSI), I find it hard to believe it's been 48 hours since it happened. Our church is selling a 2-CD set ($4, I believe) if you want to have your own copy but the entire conversation (sans the 22-min movie "In God's House") should be available for listening/download at www.ebcla.org this week sometime.

As I shared in my brief opening attempt to "frame" the evening, my wife's biggest concern/fear is that both some who attended and some who didn't will distort and contort what we not only were praying would happen but we believe indeed happened that evening. Even though Moderator/Host Bill Watanabe made a point of repeating throughout the evening that the purpose was to facilitate an honest and personal conversation around the issue of homosexuality and the AsiAm evangelical church, that there was little chance that anyone or everyone would agree with what people up front said, that this was not going to be a debate on what the Bible really says, there are still plenty of people, especially Christian ones, who do not believe it is wise or even 'biblical' to foster an unconstructed, unbiased dialogue on the subject of homosexuality. Even to 'allow' an openly gay Christian (shudder!) the freedom to reveal his painful journey and to speak of his current conclusion that making him homosexual must have been God's choice because it certainly wasn't his, that by itself is a terrible error because it says to people that any person's journey carries the same weight of 'truthiness' as God's eternal Word. I know for a fact that there were some in attendance who came with these convictions and left with these concerns because I observed one of them near the end of the evening trying to convince Bill to allow him some microphone time (denied!) and immediately afterwards that person and his buddy (I was going to say 'partner' but that might REALLY freak them both out!)--well-worn Study Bibles firmly in hand--spent about 10 minutes spelling out the above concerns (and more!) before I told them that their time with me was up. Before I lost patience, I kept trying to tell them that, in my two earlier sermons, I'd already clearly stated that the practice of homosexuality was a sin--as they believed--but I just wasn't as uncivil about it as they were. If the camera wasn't filming this confrontation, I probably would have pulled the trigger on that argument sooner!

What Gary Hayashi did that night was talk openly and insightfully about what it was like to grow up and serve in the Christian Church while struggling secretly with feelings of same sex attraction. He remembered feeling stirrings of SSA as far back as age two. Most of us straight folks who were there that night had never before heard the pain-soaked journey of a now-openly-gay Christian. Of the years of self-loathing. Of the failed attempts to 'butch up' and be more masculine. Of the reprimands growing up for having crushes on boys. Of the two desperate episodes when suicide seemed the better option. Of the startling challenge from the God of the Bible one day to see "if I don't love you as you are." Marian Sunabe and I had heard bits and pieces of Gary's story, but even we were astonished at the level to which Gary took us into his life. He was able to do that BECAUSE he knew that he wasn't going to be attacked, wasn't going to be put on the defensive, wasn't going to be invalidated because some of his Christian convictions don't match some of ours. And so what we were treated to was breath-takingly revealing. The deep degree of self-revelation that Gary risked in front of more than 300 people was unprecedented in a predominantly AsiAm evangelical setting. Gary was able to give us an amazing gift that night BECAUSE we had all agreed that this was going to be a conversation around the issue of homosexuality.

Did I agree with everything he said? No, and he didn't need me too. Did I agree with everything Marian said? No, and she (maybe for the first time) didn't need me too either. Did those two agree with everything that I said? Absolutely not, and I'm STILL upset about that! (I kid you, ok?) Again, what we had been learning in our times together in preparation for May 10th was what I believe we were able to model: how to have a civil, respectful, and real conversation even in the face of differing convictions.

I've heard from a number of people from EBCLA who were there who said that, while they didn't agree with some of what any of us three said, they were elated that we displayed such honesty and respect around an extremely controversial and divisive subject. Those from the activist LGBT community who were there were simply astonished that there was such a huge turnout AND that it never became a witch-trial AND that it happened in an evangelical, historically Asian (but now diverse) church. They haven't stopped thanking us for pulling this together, even though they know that my official position stops way short of theirs on this issue.

I'm sure that there are very conservative, very concerned Christian brethren at this very moment who are sounding the warning claxons on their blogs that Pastor Ken Fong and this church (hey, what about CSI?) are wolves in sheeps clothing, that we can't be trusted and that we are a dangerous church. But I also know that right now, Christians and nonbelievers in the LGBT community are also talking nonstop about what happened on May 10th. About how CSI and EBCLA were willing to risk getting tarred and feathered because God's perfect love casts out fear (1 Jn 4:18). And perhaps, just maybe, some of them are rethinking their attitudes about God and His good news, that it might even include them, but on His terms. So maybe we ARE a dangerous church.

Every day, each of us must share the same living space, the same church, the same work environment, the same country, and the same planet with LOADS of folks who don't share our convictions. Our differences revolve around things like sexuality, politics, culture, religion, music, etc. I'm convinced it's crucial that we all have solid convictions and as a Christian, I'm biased towards the kind that come from a high view of the Bible. But there's never going to be a day when everyone on earth or at least in our specific portion of the planet share all the same convictions. All of this is to say that it's absolutely necessary AND crucial that we all come to our senses and realize that each of us is already here (personhood), that none of us is moving to another planet (global village), and so ALL of us better figure out how to co-exist civilly alongside people who don't share our convictions.

And if, like me, you claim to be an apprentice of Jesus, we should be forging that path of reconciliation for the rest of the world.

The Conversation on Homosexuality Is Finally Here!

Mon, 05 May 2008 22:43:40 GMT

I've been talking/blogging/sharing about the Christians on Social Issues "Conversation on Homosexuality" for so long now (since January?) that, at least for me, it's hard to believe that it's going to take place this Saturday! Again, if you're in the area and inclined to go, it's May 10, 7-9:30pm @ EvergreenLA (www.ebcla.org for directions).

I was picking up a few bike-related things at REI's big sale early this afternoon when an attractive AsiAm woman approached me ("I'm a happily married spud, I'm a happily married spud"). "Hi, Ken. I'm _____, Pastor ________'s wife. I just wanted you to know that I've been following your online progress to this Saturday's event and that we've been praying for you daily, ever since we heard you were doing this. This is such an important thing you're doing, something that really needs to take place. We really appreciate how you always manage to bring things to our attention that we'd prefer to overlook or ignore in the Asian American church. Thank you so much for always doing this, and for hosting this Saturday's conversation on homosexuality."

I replied, "Well, I'm doing it because the current "don't ask, don't tell, and don't come" attitude in the majority of evangelical AA churches is causing people whom God loves to suffer in silence or to feel unloved and unwanted. Since this May 10th conversation showed up on people's radars, I've received so many messages from Asian Americans struggling with homosexuality, embracing homosexuality, and their family members and co-workers. The conversation, it seems, has already started, and I think that's fantastic."

"I wish we could attend, but we're committed to a wedding this Saturday," she said. "But my husband and I will keep praying for that evening and we know that some from our church will be there."

"We'll be recording the evening, so you can always snag a CD of the conversation and, as you know, we're making a short film about this event that you can see later."

_________________________________________

Please keep myself, Marian Sunabe, and Gary Hayashi in your prayers, as well as M/M Harold Kamiya, who will be sharing in the second half about their daughter's coming out as a lesbian and how that's affected their relationships (with her, the former church, with LGBT community). Prayer that we would be able, with God's grace, to model how to have a civil conversation even as we don't share each other's convictions. Pray that we are able to agree on even just one ultimate conviction before the evening's over.

I will be facilitating an adult CLASS called "We STILL Need to Talk" starting May 11 and running for 5 weeks. More time to interact, to hear real stories, and to meet folks in the thick of this issue.

Peace,
pken.

Is Rev. Wright Wrong?

Thu, 01 May 2008 12:03:56 GMT

Several weeks ago, I was this close to putting forth a blog-defense of Rev. Jeremiah Wright as his "God d___ America!" sermon-sound-bite was being used to pillory Sen. Obama. But with the retired minister's grabbing the microphones this week, I find myself utterly dismayed with him.

You see, originally, I was going to write about how much of White America simply didn't know about or "get" the long and storied tradition of the Black prophetic pulpit (which were the proving ground for the now famous speeches by MLK). That what to untrained, mainly White ears sounded alarmingly like inflammatory, 'un-Christian' rhetoric was actually the unique perspective of those who once had been enslaved and who continued to suffer prejudice and injustice in "the land of the free and the home of the brave." Rev. Wright had suffered innumerable injustices and oppression, growing up pre-CRM in the South and knew first-hand of the national sins that he was exposing. It is far too narrow a definition of patriotism never to criticize our culture or country when called for. And it's far too convenient for those who've never or rarely suffered or been sinned against by the darker aspects of America to rear back in horror upon hearing such accusations. In fact, I still am chewing on the question of why I, as a nonWhite preacher, am not EVER angry at things like corporate greed and systemic injustice, even if I don't have first hand experience with it.

I listened to Sen. Obama's Philadelphia response and was among the many who were very moved with his measured and gracious response to criticism of his former pastor and spiritual mentor and his eloquent and thoughtful treatment of the ongoing issues attached to race in America. Like many, I was more than ready to move on.

Apparently, Rev. Wright wasn't. This week he was back in the headlines, making fresh outrageous statements in support of Nation of Islam leader Farrakhan and again, raising the spector of AIDS being a plot of the federal government aimed at unsuspecting Blacks (like the horrible Tuskegee Experiment, whereby over 400 Black men with syphilis were not treated in order to see firsthand the consequences of this venereal disease). Whatever his motives, Wright came across as egotistically defending himself, as if he felt like Obama had thrown him under the proverbial bus in order to distance himself politically from his former pastor. Wright could have (should have) waited until after the presidential election had been decided to say such things (which is his right) if he TRULY believed what he has preached for decades: that it's critical for this country's future to diversify the places of power with capable people of color. I don't blame Obama for dropping Wright altogether this week; he didn't really have any choice. But I got the distinct impression that Rev. Wright barely noticed. He seemed to be enjoying his 15 minutes of fame too much. I'm smelling a bigger advance for a book deal if he can prove he can grab the spotlights and the headlines.

If you ever catch me doing that kind of ego-feeding garbage, do me a huge favor and please slap me upside my big fat head.

Peace,

pken.

Convicted Civility

Sun, 20 Apr 2008 20:19:15 GMT

I'd managed to get through the reams of notes I had for my second and last installment of our series, "Is There a Place for Homosexuals in the Evangelical Church?" in pretty good shape. After interfacing with a handful of folks after the end of service, I had to zip over to the Parenting Class to join my wife and other pastors/spouses in responding to specific questions about our families. So I was caught quite off guard when I returned to the sanctuary to see one of my closest friends and mentors getting settled in the front row for the 2nd worship service. Seeing him was incredibly unsettling to me, since I was pretty sure he was clearly a "live and let live" cat and that definitely was not how I was going to come out on this issue of homosexuality.

It's one thing to get through a tough message without being distracted or demoralized by seeing the look on the faces of folks you actually KNOW disagree with your take. It's a whole three levels above that when it's one of your best friends and he/she is sitting front row/center, not more than 20 ft in front of you. This friend is one of the recognized and respected pioneers in the AsiAm scene for the past 40+ years. He's brilliant, well-read, and has the uncanny ability to see through a tangle of concepts and pull out what's often overlooked or taken for granted. Did I already mention that he's several notches well to the left of me in his ideology? Did I also mention that God has used him over the past 30+ years to speak deep wisdom into my soul?

So I couldn't help notice that his body language and facial expressions throughout the message were fairly unmoved. Sort of "Sorry, but you're not convincing me." It was all I could do to maintain my focus and emphasis, given the vibe I was picking up from my friend.

Following the benediction I stepped down off the platform right into Dan's embrace. "Bro, you KNOW that I seriously disagree with your convictions, but I am SO proud of you for having the courage to bring this critical issue out of the shadows and out into the public square. Far too many AA Christian churches simply won't talk about this, even though people in most of those churches are struggling or dealing with homosexuality. Way to go, man!"

Wow--would that be the response from someone far, far to the right of my good friend? I don't know for a fact, but I seriously doubt that they could think I'd gotten something wrong yet still be enthusiastic about my having the guts to re-frame and deal with this gnarly, avoided subject. That's truly something my friend has taught and modeled to me over the past 3 decades--those who are liberal with grace are much more likely to practice "convicted civility" than those who are extremely conservative.

I leave you with the Richard Mouw (Pres, Fuller Seminary) quote I kicked off this morning's message with: "People today who are civil, Martin Marty observed, often don't have very strong convictions. And people who have strong convictions often are not very civil. What we need, he said, is convicted civility...It is so easy--as Marty made clear--to err on one side or the other, holding both up simultaneously takes constant effort...But the effort to keep this marriage together needs to be made...We must be clear in telling others about the hope that lies within us, the apostle Peter teaches; but he quickly adds that we must always do so 'with gentleness and respect' (1 Peter 3:15-16)."

Both of my messages should be up on www.ebcla.org by Wednesday this week, along with the PPt slides.

And if you know folks in SoCal, please help me get the word out for the May 10th Conversation on Homosexuality, 7-9:30 pm, EvergreenLA, 1255 San Gabriel Blvd., Rosemead. Directions are on the website.

Time to take my wife out for a dinner date!

Conviction

Thu, 17 Apr 2008 03:11:33 GMT

If you've been reading my last couple of blogs, then you should know that our church (EvergreenLA) will be the host site for the C.S.I. (Christians on Social Issues) event "We Need to Talk: A Needed Conversation between 3 Old Friends (2 straight and 1 gay)." We will also be screening "In God's House" which is a short documentary featuring three AsiAm lesbians and their families. Harold and Ellen Kameya, one of the featured sets of parents, will be joining the conversation following the film. And, yes, Director Chris Wong is still making a short film of this entire process which we hope will demonstrate how important it is for concerned people to come together and engage in respectful conversation around this divisive issue. If you're going to be in LA on Saturday, May 10, I hope you can be there. It is scheduled to run from 7-9:30 pm. From what I've heard so far, a number of openly homosexual AsiAms (Christian and Non) are planning to attend. Even though they have been told that this event is not aimed at converting people to their way of thinking, they are excited that there is going to be an open conversation.

By now, if you're interested, you can podcast my first of two messages (www.ebcla.org) on homosexuality in order to prepare our church for what's coming. Under the umbrella of "Is there a place for homosexuals in the evangelical church?", I called the first message "Conviction." Rather than go over the six main biblical passages that address homosexuality, I chose instead to lay out the traditional Christian interpretation of what the Bible says about gender, sexual intercourse, and marriage. Ultimately, I tried to make a clear case that God purposely created us as a gendered people to reflect his image, with an inherent desire to experience the fullness of God's image through the joining with the opposite sex within the commitment of covenantal love. However, the Fall sullied what God had designed for good and ever since, ALL of human sexuality has been broken (not just homosexuality). Christ offers all of us whose desires and longings have been tainted by sin a way to experience the redemption of our sexual selves, but it means aligning ourselves with his moral precepts that are found in his Word. I shared that my biggest struggle with Christian homosexuals is that they seem to think that, unlike other broken sexual beings, they deserve a "pass" on purity, chastity and celibacy. This Sunday, I'll be giving the second message, "Civility" where I'll try and describe how we must endeavor to co-exist with those who don't share our convictions.

This first message was, in a way, tough for me to deliver because I knew ahead of time that I would upset many of my close friends at church who have a much more liberal way of looking at this issue. And I know that some of the more conservative friends who were thrilled with my first message may be disturbed by some of what I say in this second message. Someone asked me, following my first message, what I'm hoping to accomplish by putting so much focus on this tough and divisive issue. Honestly, it's really just two things. First, I hope to bring this issue out of the shadows, to enable people to talk honestly about it, and to encourage those who are struggling with it to share these struggles at church. Some of this conversation is starting to take place now, just because we've put the topic on the table. Second, even though I know that I won't go far enough for some people, I hope that our church can at least be a safe place for those who are struggling with homosexual feelings (especially) and perhaps even with homosexual behavior (to some degree). We haven't been that in the past, we're not that now, but I hope we will continue to seek ways to be more like that in the near future.

Even if the May 10th event fails to live up to my expectations, I've already been tremendously enriched and challenged by the numerous conversations I've had with Gary Hayashi (gay friend on the panel), Marian Sunabe (straight friend who affirms homosexuals without condition), family members of LGBTs, and even LGBTs outside of the Christian circle.

How are you affected by this issue? Have you told anyone to come to this event? How have you managed to live with the tension between Christian convictions and loving your neighbor as yourself?

pken.

Upcoming Forum, May 10th, on Homosexuality and the AsiAm Evangelical Church

Wed, 19 Mar 2008 03:49:37 GMT

Even though it's been over a month since you last heard from me, I haven't dropped the ball on putting together that forum to have a too-rare conversation around this difficult and frequently divisive issue. Let me bring you up to speed and also share a bit about what I've been learning in the ramp up to May 10th, when the church where I serve as senior pastor ("El Jeffe") is going to host a forum on homosexuality and the AA evangelical church.

The actual group that is sponsoring this unusual event is a very small and very new AA evangelical ecumenical group called "Christians on Social Issues" (CSI for short). I try and make most of the bimonthly meetings because I enjoy diving into relevant social issues with fellow concerned AA believers. Bill Watanabe, a lay person, directs CSI. He's someone I've known and respected for more than 40 years. He's allowed his faith in Christ to propel him into the center of the Japanese American community in LA, founding and directing the Little Tokyo Service Center, serving on the board of Amnesty Int'l for years and recently, joining the board of Sojourners (Rev. Jim Wallis). Several months ago, when I volunteered our church to be the site for this forum, he and the others made it a point to that it would be emphasized that CSI was convening this gathering, not EvergreenLA, in order "to protect" me from unwanted criticism and backlash. At the time, I gladly accepted their offer, but as the event draws nearer and as I have immersed myself in both the subject and in deep conversations with some who are in the thick of this issue, I decided not to hide behind CSI's 'skirt'. Instead, fueled by a growing conviction that Jesus never avoided being identified with the despised and the excluded, I sucked it up and boldly declared, "Whatever."
Last week, I drove nearly 45 minutes to spend time with committed Christian AA parents of a gay, young adult son. Originally, I had high hopes that they would feel okay about coming to the forum and sharing what it's been like as a Christian, church-going family to love a child who came out to them early in high school. They were gracious enough to discuss this with their son, but he frankly was quite uncomfortable being the focus of a public discussion about homosexuality. What was I thinking?!?!? He's still a young man, still struggling to figure out his place in the world, wondering with his parents if homophobic "Christians" will make life miserable for him, maybe even brutalize or kill him. The only person who's agreed to dialog up front with me at the forum is over 50 years old. He's at a completely different stage of life, the roller coaster ride of his life as a gay Christian man isn't over yet, but it seems like he's already endured the biggest ups and downs. So even before I had dinner with this set of parents, I withdrew my invitation and assured them that my visit had everything to do with hearing their story and nothing to do with recruiting them for the event. The mother has the kind of temperate that wants to understand everything, to break it down to its causes and component parts in order to make it whole. Those first couple of years she dove headfirst into whatever Christian resources she could find, all of which tersely stated that (a) her child hadn't been born like this, (b) as parents, one or both of them had messed up their child's sexual identity, and (c) God could fix him! But they would later learn that their son had felt 'different' from as far back as he could remember, (b) they couldn't honestly pinpoint deep-seated problems in their marriage or in either of their relationships to their son, and (c) all of their efforts to 'fix' him not only failed but their son eventually grew tired of their efforts. I was incredibly moved by the painful and lonely journey the mother had taken to reach the point of accepting her son the way he is, even if I personally still can't just say being gay is completely cool with God. In a different way, I was tremendously moved by the father's absolute commitment to love his son unconditionally and to make sure that his son KNEW that this was the case. He said that it was easier for him to come to this conclusion than it was for his wife, because unlike her, he didn't grow up with Christianity and, thus, didn't carry around the same amount of mental "baggage" that she did. They were incredibly generous to open up their home and their hearts to me for 6 hours. Even as I grapple with what the Bible says about homosexual behavior, I am profoundly impacted by stories like these where Christian families are left to deal with this on their own, without support from their pastors or their best friends in the church. This has got to change.
And now this whole thing is going to be a documentary film. Turns out that one of our newer members is a budding AA documentary filmmaker. When he heard me share briefly several weeks ago about this upcoming forum, he quickly approached me with the exclamation, "This has to be a movie!" It didn't take much to convince me that he was right. That there was huge potential to do an updated version of "A Time for Burning" (my January blog). But instead of focusing on the problem of racial segregation in Christian churches, we'd make this about the run up to the forum. Slight problemo: my old, now-openly gay Christian friend who has agreed to tell his story at the forum had no clue that we now wanted also to make this a film. But if he--for any reason--wasn't cool with this, then there'd be no movie. We'd already shot footage of my sharing in my sermon a couple of weeks ago about our hosting this forum and the last planning meeting for the event. But whatever was captured on tape already would be unused if 'G' didn't want to be recorded. So, the director and I did what they do here in Tinseltown: we called a meeting this afternoon with G. When 30 minutes had passed and G hadn't shown up, both of us feared he had had a panic attack or something (and who would blame him? Not I!) But as it turns out, it had been 12 years since he'd come to our church campus and he'd simply gotten lost. I'd sensed it in my bones that these two would click, but when that actually happened, I was one big happy guy! G really, really wants this flick to be organic, unscripted, with no guaranteed outcomes or happy endings and that form of shooting a documentary (cinema veritae) is the chosen style of Chris Wong, the director. What's involved is for the camera to be a fly on the wall in the various meetings and conversations leading up to and perhaps beyond the May 10th forum. Now all we have to do is raise the remaining $4K to cover preproduction costs (taping and sound) because Chris is convinced that Sundance Films and other sources will be excited to pay for post production costs. Who knows... with Chris' growing rep and connections with Sundance, this movie could end up being shown at major film fests!

So even if you can't make it to EvergreenLA for the May 10th forum, in a couple of years you might be able to experience this journey through this movie. Isn't God amazingly cool? Oh, as part of our church's own ramp up to hosting this forum, I'll be preaching preparatory messages around the question "Is there a place for homosexuals in our church?" in early April. If you're interested in hearing these messages, they'll be up on our site the week following their delivery and the PowerPoint slides will also be available for synchronized viewing as you listen to me.

I hope you'll be praying for all of this and all of us who are trying to have a conversation around not only a tough issue but with at least one person who lives with this every day.

I'm just trying to have a conversation.

pken.

We Need to Talk

Fri, 15 Feb 2008 19:34:18 GMT

I don't hate homosexuals (or bisexuals or transgendered persons). But I do hate that it doesn't seem possible to have a civil, grace-filled conversation around the issue, especially within the Christian circles that I frequent. Those coming from staunchly conservative paradigms seem to fear that dialogging with LGBT (Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender) Christians in order to hear each other out is tantamount to endorsing the "homosexual agenda". And those coming from the staunchly liberal paradigms that are passionately pro-LGBT often seem overly eager to interpret a willingness just to talk as a willingness to embrace LGBT lifestyles as normal and acceptable. Given these realities, the simple fact of the matter is that folks from both ends of this issue and the various points in between don't talk to each other and hence, don't know each other. Out of such ignorance arises all kinds of mischaracterizations, misrepresentations, and misunderstandings. Which only then makes matters worse, not better.

During pre-Civil Rights Movement history, the absence of meaningful and deep relationships between Whites and Blacks led to exaggerated stereotypes and amplified fears. In general, the absence of relationships where wielding power is NOT the point often leads to dehumanization of "other" and fear-driven opinions and positions. Emergent icon/pastor/author/speaker Rob Bell is quoted as having said, "We have no right to speak about homosexuality unless we have homosexual friends and are familiar with their struggles." In other words, this volatile issue involves real human beings and so must be discussed within the context of real relationships.

I quote Bell not to say that I agree with him completely on this, but to differentiate his point from mine. To his credit, I believe too many Christians who DON'T have any LGBT family members or close friends often stake out really harsh positions. However, those same Christians come to softer conclusions when, down the road, they discover that, a) a member of their family is LGBT, b) a good and close friend is LGBT, or c) they one day conclude that THEY are LGBT (ala Ted Haggard?)! Until that revelation occurs, how many people are beat up, even destroyed, by these Christians up until the day that they feel compelled to be more tolerant or accepting because it's now someone that they know and care about. "Lesbians, gays, bisexuals and trannies are all an affront to God's creation and an abomination that should never be tolerated or embraced. What was that? Our 28-yr-old son just told you he's gay (claims he always has been) and has been living out of the closet for the past 3 years in Manhattan? (gulp) Well, even though I don't believe that this is how God made him and I can't stand behind his lifestyle, I'm not going to expel him from our family or church. After all, he's still our son, isn't he?" At any rate, one reason why this 'switcheroo' happens is because too many of us take initial hard-line positions on tough issues sort of assuming that "this will never happen to me or anyone that I care about." Getting to know real people for whom being LGBT is a daily issue, imho, can only help us know what to think and how to live together on the same spinning rock in this part of the universe.

With all of this in mind, our church has agreed to serve as the host-site for a forum on homosexuality in early May 2008 where this kind of missing conversation can take place. It's still in the planning stages but we've already started a dialog with a devout AA Christian who for nearly a decade led those with sexual brokenness through a restorative process but for the past several years has reached the opposite conclusion and is now openly gay. We hope that we can provide a safe and civil atmosphere where he truly feels valued as one who has been made in the image of God and is free to tell his story. I'm also hoping that the Spirit will raise up a pair of straight Christian parents who now have openly LGBT grown children or family members. I'm trusting God to raise up an example of Christians who disapprove with the lifestyle but are unwilling or unable to stop loving their family members. If I can somehow manage, this event will NOT be about getting everyone to agree on cause or to agree about what the Bible says or doesn't say about the subject. I doubt that day will ever come, so why exhaust ourselves trying to get everyone to agree on stuff like this, right?

Again, my Spirit-driven desire is to hatch a conversation that rarely happens and for a plethora of AsiAm Christians from even outside our church to hear how real people struggle to have solid convictions while still learning how to co-exist with each other. Some folks recently asked me why I didn't appear to be freaking out around the possibility that very Conservative Christians and others might toss me out on my ear if I went ahead with hosting this forum. To which I replied, "I'm just trying to get a conversation going, not stake out a particular position in either direction. What's so controversial about hearing each other's stories?"

Jesus has made me naive enough to believe that God's Spirit will in fact enable us to have this needed conversation. Just reading about that 14-yr-old Oxnard, CA, boy who was murdered by an 8th grade classmate spurs me on to host this forum. The victim, Larry King, weeks earlier had just started coming to school adorned by a selection of female accessories and referring to himself as "gay" (imho, sounds more like Gender Identity Disorder). At any rate, the other classmate eventually upped the ante from cruel-name-calling to bringing a loaded pistol to school and putting two bullets in King's head. As odd and quirky as King was, I hope you will agree with me that he certainly didn't deserve to be executed with two bullets to his head.

We need to talk to each other, even if we can't see eye-to-eye on everything. If you or your friends are interested, what I know thus far is that it's going to be on either the first or second Saturday in May, probably starting @ 7:30pm and going for a couple of hours. It will most likely be in a talkshow format with me as your host. And the sponsoring org (Christians on Social Issues / CSI) hopes/plans to host a follow up conference afterwards.

A Time for Burning (Still?)

Wed, 16 Jan 2008 02:21:43 GMT

Next week we Americans will be enjoying a national day off because one American--Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.--took his commitment to Christ so seriously that he risked and lost his life to promote an equal life for everybody in this country. Is the church you attend this Sunday going to be marking this heroic person of faith's life or is it going to say and do nothing, while looking forward to a holiday the following day?

Before the first African American person started coming to our church regularly, I must confess that I didn't give a second thought to mentioning this noteworthy American, even though (a) starting with me, 99% of our church directly benefit from his prophetic ministry and sacrifice; (b) he was a fellow Christian; (c) he was a fellow American Baptist. As I began the journey towards biblical reconciliation, though, I started to notice that my Black Christian friends who went to Black churches were all making a huge deal about Dr. King on that weekend. But it was really only when our first Black regular asked, "Are we planning on doing anything to celebrate Martin this Sunday?" that I became deeply disturbed about my/our nonchalance, apathy, and ingratitude. For the three reasons already given above (and more!), ever since we have made a point of marking the life and mission of Dr. King. I should mention though that, after confessing my sinful ungratefulness, I also remarked, "But honestly, if his name was Martin Luther Fong, do you really think all the Black churches would be celebrating his life this Sunday? Then it would be mostly Asian or only Chinese churches or only CANTONESE (not Taiwanese) churches that would be celebrating, right? And I hate that about all of us. Regardless of what any of us look like, every single American Christian church should be feting Dr. King this weekend."

This year, the Saturday before, we'll be screening the movie "Hairspray" as a sort of fun way to get us to reconnect to the atmosphere of White supremacy and the sins of racism and segregation that were starting to be challenged in the Sixties. If you haven't seen it yet, I highly recommend that you do. It's not just a movie about racism but about the ugliness of all kinds of discrimination (especially unattractive people regardless of skin color).

Tonight, I watched a documentary that was shot in the late Sixties in Omaha, Nebraska, shortly after the passage of the Civil Rights Act of 1964. Called "A Time for Burning" this grainy black and white film was shot in real time, as events unfolded in Omaha at a 1,200 member, all-White Lutheran church. It follows the awakening to the complicitness of White Christians by the new pastor of the church. He joins a Black/White effort of Omaha pastors who are wrestling with how to open their churches and their members to life after the federal government made it illegal to segregate by race. It is soooooooo uncomfortable to hear the all-White board members discourage their pastor from promoting an effort to bring 10 White Lutheran families together with 10 Black families from another Lutheran church in town. "Pastor, that's just too radical. Our people aren't ready for that. We're going to lose too many families. We need more time to come up with a less radical strategy." "Radical? How is just getting 10 of us and 10 of them together to talk RADICAL? It's now against the law not to integrate this church. We could be arrested if we don't figure out this future. This isn't radical. It's what Christ calls us to do." Even though he succeeds in inspiring a sizable number of his members to pursue this path, a small but influential group succeeds in getting him fired. The movie ends with him reading his resignation letter and then, in the immediate aftermath, the struggle amongst the church leaders to know how or if to regroup.

More than 40 years after the passage of this Act and the making of this documentary, most churches are still essentially segregated institutions. Even most of the Black churches that will be honoring Dr. King are all-Black and apparently not disturbed by this obvious disconnect with King's message and mission.

When I was called to be the senior pastor of our church in 1996, I was already determined to lead this congregation to emulate that new humanity that Jesus Christ created by dying on the cross to destroy the hostilities, fears, and suspicions that divide us. We've still got a long, long, long way to go, but we are definitely not where we used to be in '96. Not only are we much more racially integrated, but we've lately seen the beginnings of socio-economic integration as lower-income people from the church's neighborhood are finding us to be worth a try. What's emerging is a church where none of us are 100% comfortable anymore, which is enough to discourage most Christians from even praying about trying this. But we're starting to realize that being uncomfortable is a big part of what we signed up for--knowingly or unknowingly--when we answered Christ's call to come and follow him.

Now days, when I start feeling too comfortable, I realize that I'm probably too comfortable!

Peace,
pken.