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With a hole in the heart and bullet in the brain	...I'll welcome you to my world

sedated_xtc
read my profile sign my guestbook Name: Frances C. Birthday: 6/20/1987 Interests: Reading. Writing. Stars. Music. Poetry. Message: message me Member Since: 7/21/2004

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Saturday, September 01, 2007

My leaving song of sorts...

Unrequited love is for the foolish.

"I gave you these roses now but I left in the thorns / I'd rather hurt someone than hurt myself / I'll dispose of you like a lighter out of fuel / I'll lose you somewhere on a dusty shelf" --> Senses Fail, choke on this

Falling stars are temporary wishes come true in their own rights, but when all the stars have fallen...sweetheart, absurd promises like keeping clouded night skies at bay would only be meaningless...Anyway, you're my favourite star, but you never even began to fall (least of all in my direction) and when you realize, I'll be less than a ghost to you. After all, people rarely care enough about dreams to remember them.

Always the lover, never the beloved. Maybe you don't see it this way, but second best is a cruel reservation, possibly the worst there is...that is, if second best was available to begin with. I'm just another face in the crowd...a parentheses...possibly white noise at best...

I have this thing with disappointment...as in, I can't handle it very well. My patience has run dry and in frustration, I've come across a disappointing kind of heartbreak by month-old stories involving the best imitation (so good, one would mistake it for the real thing) of love and romance. Darling, maybe you can save the love songs that were never written for me to begin with now and if you decide to pen something of your own, hopefully it would be a response to my leave of absence...again with the 'maybe'...

"It's days like these,that make me feel / like I want to bleed through my heart again / It's days like these, that make me feel / like I might as well be on my own again / I take back everything I said about loving you..." --> From First to Last, when flying feels like falling

I've been ignoring the flames in my chest too long and it's only in despair (the humbling kind, the kind that numbs you to the point where only apathy runs through frostbitten veins) and fear did this come across my mind. You've become my conscience and with that said, I'm rejecting every sense of guilt I have. The best idea would be to find solace in arms that have long gone cold in hopes of being able to thaw the frost around my heart with renewed devotion. When I find my heart out of your hands, this would be the selfish sort of martyrdom, an emotional amputation, if you would only care enough to find me amiss.

"How do you feel / I bet you don't feel anything..." -->Silverstein, always and never

So goodbye heartbreaker, this could very well be the last time you think of me but I've grown too tired of caring to mind. Natural order always finds a way to come full circle. I've made myself ill. A thorn in my side, a heavy heart in my chest and salted cheeks...it just occurred to me...

I'm the biggest fool of all

9:26 PM - email it

Sunday, October 01, 2006

Infidelity isn't a turn on

Dearest, it's always great how you think of me...and I'll always be there for you, my darling pixie.

I wonder if this is how Jesus felt.

I need help

4:00 PM - email it

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

...and the phoenix emerges from the ashes...

From the wrongs you've done, it's to my delight to tell you that the shadows you've etched into my heart have healed and it wasn't until a recent reminder did I recognize your face. From my assortment of memories, you have long been abandoned as I have from your's and with a happy sigh, hopeful fingers graze the last of this sorrowful chapter with the grace of maturity.

For truly, happiness is something you find by looking through your eyes and opening your heart.

"Through your lack of humanity, I've managed to find my own"- William Sampson

12:01 AM - email it

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

FUCK YOU UTSC!!!

I GOT IN!!!

...but I will STILL pee on UTSC when I graduate....!!!!

11:29 PM - 2 eprops - 1 comment - email it

Saturday, September 09, 2006

Sonnet 116

Let me not to the marriage of true minds

Admit impediments. Love is not love

which alters when it alteration finds,

or bends with the remover to remove:

O no! It is an ever-fixed mark

That looks on tempests and is never shaken;

It is the star to every wandering bark,

Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.

Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and ckeeks

Within his bending sickle's compass come:

Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,

But bears out even to the edge of doom.

If this be error and upon me proved,

I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

- William Shakepeare

Maybe it's just me, but it's just odd how a man like him can write so much about love and be able to evoke so many emotions when he loved his wife only so much as to leave her the second best bed in the house when he died.

12:23 AM - email it

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