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| 2008: The Year of Friendships!Now that 2008 is here, I feel like I can let go of the weight of 2007 and run freely. I don't really feel like I could've asked for a better start to the year than having the opportunity to go to Render. It was definitely not anything like what I expected or some degree feared. I didn't really want to go at first-- I didn't feel "called" to go mainly because I wasn't sure if God was leading me towards missions, architecture, leading worship, or something else! With all these possibilities and so little idea of which one to choose, i started to develop a picture of Render being all these people wanting for sure to become pastors, ministers, missionaries and then me in the corner wondering what on earth to do. To be honest, perhaps in a less dramatic way, this picture was true but the difference was the passion. I met people with the same desire to use their whole life as a ministry and testament of God-- many had ideas of what they were called to do, but instead of being intimidated not knowing what i was going to do, i felt inspired. It was such a blessing to worship with people that were willing to give their everything for God, not holding anything back. The last night of worship/confession/prayer made me so excited because i kept imagining what if every Sunday (or everyday, for that matter) looked like that. What if every Sunday, people can worship abandoning their pride, not caring what other people think, not caring if they cant sing in tune or cant dance but do it anyways.. what if the church could confess their sins to each other without judgement, what if the church could lift each other up and be confident that whenever they needed someone to pray for them, that there would be people there...crying out of desperation, or rejoicing with hope for them. Even though many of us had just met and a lot of us came from different churches, it was amazing to just feel like ONE church. One people. God is amazing.
I guess in response to this, I've been thinking a lot about friendships. (i think about it alot, it seems).. but God's taught me so much about relationships with people. I think it was on the last day that Pastor Steve mentioned how we all need Pauls, Barnabases and Timothys in our lives. Paul being a mentor, Barnabas a peer and Timothy a disciple of sorts. After some reflection, I can't really say that I have many close mentors or a specific person that I look up to all the time, but God has definitely blessed me with a lot of people woven into my life that have inspired me, taught me and challenged me. WHCC has definitely been a home for me in terms of being a place to grow-- there's so many passionate people, and i've learned a lot about loving, serving and humility through these leaders. As for peers, I feel like this is one area.. a BIG area.. that God has encouraged me with. heh I always think about middle school and high school days where girl talks would always be about lame topics like BOYS.. and NOW.. well.. we still talk about boys :) but DEEPER things too! I realized as my friends and i matured that God was a topic that was tied into everything. Not that I didn't before, but I really find joy in listening to people talk about how God's been working in their life, or listening to prayer requests and things they struggle with. And God's definitely been working in my own heart to become more open than I used to be--less insecure about what people might think of me, but more about letting God's love speak for itself through me. A lot of you guys (hopefully my friends! heh) have inspired me to be a better friend, a better daughter of God.. and I wanna say thank you! :) As for Timothys in my life, I feel like God has been convicting me in this area. I don't think I've ever felt like a good leader or teacher.. I've tried leading small group before and it felt unnatural, i've tried leading worship.. like leading leading.. and i was too nervous to really worship God.. heh and just knowing my personality, I didn't think that I could ever really be any sort of mentor/counselor for anyone. This past year, at Impact/D-camp, I was reminded that God uses the seemingly incapable to do His work too.. and God allowed me to have an amazingly humbling yet wonderful experience counseling both camps. It was so encouraging to see the youth step up and claim their faith. Thinking about all this, I've been praying that God would grow me into a better leader, learn to encourage people not simply through words but through my actions. I'm sure God will continue to teach me more about loving His people and loving Him--im still young =P.
One last thing that Paul said to the Philippians..
"And it is my prayer that your LOVE may abound more and more,
with knowledge and discernment,
so that you may approve what is EXCELLENT
and so be pure and blameless for the day of Christ,
FILLED with the fruit of righteousness that comes through JESUS CHRIST,
to the glory and praise of God."
Phil 1:9-11
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| random rant.
In thinking about boys vs. girls.. i think there are a few misconceptions that need to be cleared out when thinking about gender differences. mm first off. interest versus like. I know its different for everyone, but i think a close examination would hopefully show a difference between these two feelings. I think finding new friends and reconnecting with old friends always warrants some of kind of interest-feelings just because you're finding out things you didnt know before.. etc. BUT the thing is, I think a lot of people get those feelings confused with LIKING someone. Perhaps their newfound company/conversations are really interesting but I think liking someone goes to a different level, of actually viewing them as dating potential. and i think i can say for me anyways, that i get scared showing interest in the opposite gender cause i dont want to confuse that with liking them. and i sure dont want them to get the wrong idea either. SO i think this is misconception #1. i know its hard to differentiate between these feelings, but I think if girls took time to really sort that out, I think guys would be less confused about mixed signals. Misconception #2. While i know girls expect guys to be sensitive to figure out exactly what we're thinking, i dont think it hurts to be honest once in a while. I've been learning this myself.. that guys are pretty straightforward and hopefully if they know how to respect a lady, that they'd listen/understand when a girl is being honest. I know, for myself, its hard for me to be honest if honesty might hurt the person. While tact is always something i try to work on, I try to remember that in some situations, when the person DOESN'T know what im thinking, this could hurt them more in the long run. so in this case, i feel like rejection could be viewed two ways-- as a time to mope and get depressed.. OR .. to realize that he/she saved you 1-2-3 years of your emotions.. just my opinion though. i dont really know what its like to be a guy. I dont really remember any of the other misconceptions that i felt like ranting about. but as a disclaimer i dont mean to generalize. i know not all girls and guys are the same.. but out of observing and personal experience, its never bad to be too careful. better than being ignorant and hurting people in the process.
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mm.. so i guess i finally have time to make an entry about
what God's been doing in my life lately. Honestly, i'd say its probably been an
unbelievable summer.. and when i say life has been like a roller coaster, its
kind of like dungeon drop but you go up and down and back up. SO. God has
really blessed me with many things this summer, the first was the opportunity
to go to camp! Initially, i had a lot of reservations about going-- spring
semester was crazy, and all in all i just didnt feel like I was in a position
to counsel the campers. But with some encouragement, I realized that i can
really determine what I'm capable of doing or not doing b/c I have God. it was
kind of an odd realization that God would work with or without me, so why not
join in on the adventure and at least learn something? So i agreed to be a
counselor, all the while praying that God would start equipping me and nervous
to death about what my girls would be like and what our small group times would
be like.. lots of random stuff. So as both camps drew nearer, i found out my
Dcamp girls were incoming 6th graders, and my impact girls were senior girls.
QUITE a difference, i'd say. So i had no idea how to prepare besides praying
that God would give me wisdom when the time came. I wish i could say both camps
went perfect as i hoped and that i said all the right things at the right
moments or whatever.. but truth is, they were quite different.. In my head, I
felt like D-Camp would be less stressful because the campers are younger and i guess less compex?? but God really brought out a few insecurities of my own and through exposing them, showed me what it meant to rely on Him for wisdom and power. With some words of encouragement and some time to really come to the realization that God is in control in an honest way, I realized that this was a time that i really learned how to trust God with my whole heart. Impact came and oddly I had this peace in my heart that whatever was about to happen was gonna be great.. cause honestly nothing can stop God.. and even if He doesnt work in the way we imagine Him to, it doesnt mean He's not working.. anyways I thank God and i even get excited still.. thinking about the conversations i had at camp..it was all a big blessing for me to be able to go and soak it all in. I dont think God could have shown me in a better way how awesome He is. And my camp experience is definitely a testament of how God uses even the unlikely people to do his will. Just let him.
So God has really been up to something in my life.. and even with school starting.. I was pretty much dreading it, dreading the changed friendships, dreading my good friends going back to their own colleges, and just dreading schoolwork. But now that the first week is over, I feel oddly refreshed and pretty stoked about the changes this year. I've never been an outgoing person, and i think i can say im pretty socially awkward a lot of the times, struggling with how to express myself.. but I think God's been working through some of my insecurities and trying to open me up to people more easily. God's been updating my views on loving His people.. and hopefully I can continue to learn what it looks like to live that out! I think im really beginning to see what God envisions when he talks about having a community to build each other up, iron sharpening iron.. God has definitely blessed me this summer with friends that I feel like i can really trust and share my heart with. hooray! And even though some of the friendships will be long distance, I pray and hope that our friendship will continue through praying for each other and catching up during breaks heh. i love you guys!
Things are lookin' up.. and im not going to disillusion myself and think that this is how its going to feel forever, but at least I know that I have God who is a patient teacher, friends who teach me how to love and my experiences to remind me of God's faithfulness. :)
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| INITIUM:
"THE LAST RENEWABLE RESOURCE: THE LIFE, LOVE, FREEDOM OF CHRIST"
Colossians 3
If your love is _________, then your life is ___________.
UNLEARN OLD LIFE LEARN CHRIST'S NEW LIFE
LOVE CONDITION LOVE CONDITION
worldly ---------------------------------anger-----------------------compassion------------------------love
earthly expectations unmet expectations hope
immoral sex-------------------------wrath---------------------------kindness------------------------peace
possessed passion punishment released favor
impurity-------------------------------malice----------------------------humility------------------------thanks
twisted thoughts destruction not thinking simply of self
lust---------------------------------------slander----------------------gentleness------------------------Scripture
flesh fulfillment for soul hunger defame w/ exaggeration mild/defenseless
evil desire----------------------------cursing----------------------------patience-----------------------wisdom
wanting wrong for being wronged holding pain calmly
greed-------------------------------------lies---------------------------acceptance----------------------worship
more than you need life to keep wants of differences
idolatry--------------------------------old habit-------------------------forgiveness---------------------Christ's life
self devotion self management the forgiven forgive
notes:
- when you know the one who chose you, it is nothard to choose the way He would choose.
- God has an all-encompassing love... He can choose without rejecting
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| So in Meta we've been going through the life of Joseph. It's been a total blessing for me and i dont think God's timing could have been any better.. but. just wanted to jot down some notes in case i lose them.
WHOLENESS.
Gen. 42: roles have reversed and Joseph is now "governor" of Egypt, in charge of the food, but his brothers/family is poor and in need.
Joseph isnt revengeful when he sees his brothers and they dont recognize him, he just wants to see Benjamin and dad.. he is crafty in the way he goes about it.. note that brothers havent forgotten about him all this time, in fact what they did kind of haunts them. after maybe 20 or so years.
Manasseh - God has allowed me to forget all the pain/suffering
When you come face to face with the pain/resentment that you forgave, there should not be any bitterness.
Releasing pain/resentment:
- realize that you have been forgiven much
- give a meaning/purpose to the pain
Joseph became a man of extraordinary leadership through going through pain
Joseph continued to seek out what it meant to bless others, he realized that throughout his life he could be a conduit of blessing
Ephraim - fruitful in the land of my suffering
throughout all this, joseph was the way for Egypt to survive the famine
WHOLENESS. regaining original capacity that God created us to have
-begin to live a life to bless others. not consuming.
-pain/suffering only does not lead you to wholeness (this can not be a reason to be self-absorbed)
- move suffering into blessing.
So I think the phrase "forgive and forget" seems to get tossed around so nonchalantly that nobody really stops and thinks about what it means anymore. What does it mean to "forget" a wrong that someone's done to you? I think all these years, forgetting kind of meant simply putting it out of my mind, trying not to think about it.. But now that i think about it, when those things come back into my life and we're brought face to face again, some things still trigger some sort of bitterness whether i care to admit it to myself or not. I realize that my type of "forgetting" was really just tricking myself into thinking that i had forgiven that person when in reality it still really hurt. It seems to be a matter of perspective and wisdom. Even though we just talked about it today during service, I think God was already paving the way for this "enlightenment" and really has shown me ways to change pain into blessing. God had already begun showing me that He is sovereign-- He definitely knows what He's doing. And truly knowing this ties into trusting that there is a reason for trials, pain, and suffering in a real way. Not simply in a churchy-answer way.
All this has really inspired me to read Old Testament for reals. that and remembering the Roots track with John Parker last year at RecWeek. There's much more to learn!
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