Bruised But Not Broken

           I don’t know if I’ve found what I’m looking for yet…but it sure is fun when you’re not trying to look.  I’ve always wanted to live in the moment. Trouble is, reality seeps in on you like carbon monoxide trying to poison your fantasies. How do you know when you really like someone…or…when someone really likes you? I thought I figured out the missing pieces and when I went to search for them, other parts of the puzzle fell out of place. Will we ever be able to complete the puzzle or do we just have to live with the missing pieces, one or two missing pieces are barely noticeable from a distance aren’t they? Just call it a Monet and move on (ever heard of the phrase good from far, but far from good?).

          I recently heard this song by Joss Stone, “Bruised But Not broken” and fell in love with the lyrics and her soulful voice. It’s true…my heart has been bruised but not broken. “Amy Tan” recently asked me what I had learned from my previous relationship and I replied, “Not to hold on to things that I know aren’t right for me, no matter how good it seems.” Another someone also asked me what my new year’s resolution was, which I didn’t have yet at the time. I think that would be a good resolution…that and not to waste time. “Amy Tan”  had also once told me that the worse sin you could ever commit is to waste someone’s time. Since I’ve been throwing out quotes the whole entry might as well add one more: "Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference between the two."

         No, I'm not suffering from from a heart bruise just yet, just a mid-week mini-crisis...I've noticed my entries have a much more serious undertone compared with the ones from earlier years...that's alright I suppose, since I can't seem to act serious when it comes to real life. Another resolution...I need to learn to cry more.

Currently Listening Deja Vu, Pt. 1 By Beyonc�, Jay-Z see related

Deja Vu

Have you ever felt like your life was just one big cycle of Déjà vu? How many times have we mulled over events in our lives and thought this sounds all too familiar? Whether it’s something you’ve experienced personally or have witnessed through friends, the same types of situations always seem to be on a constant re-run. It’s as if the scriptwriter for life stopped being creative and just started recycling storylines. It’s a strange feeling to be living one of these stories that I seem to have heard about not too long ago, I guess I’ll just be another story myself in someone else’s book soon. They say that everyone is connected by 6 degrees of separation (in the asian community it seems more like 1-3 degrees), I say the tree of love works the same way. Tell someone about your messy love life and their friend’s brother’s cousin probably went through the same thing. It all comes back to the same scenarios, love triangles, lingering feelings, unrequited love, curiosity, the old and familiar vs. the new and exciting, the what if’s? Will I ever find someone better? Should I be content with the comfortable? Should I risk it? Did the chicken come first or the egg? and such endless questions that we will never truly have an answer to. I’ve never been the third person in a relationship nor do I plan to be, or anything close to it. But somehow I just found out, I’ve unwittingly become involved in two separate love triangles within the past week. For once, I wish I wasn’t “the other girl,” or the “new girl” because she never wins, she always has to be the one to let go…because she’s the intruder, the outsider, and everything would be so much easier if she was out of the picture. I know a good friend who knows how I feel…which reminds me of a quote she loves and has been quoted so many times before:

”Meredith Grey: At the end of the day faith is a funny thing. It turns up when you don't really expect it. Its like one day you realize that the fairy tale may be slightly different than you dreamed. The castle, well, it may not be a castle. And its not so important happy ever after, just that its happy right now. See once in a while, once in a blue moon, people will surprise you, and once in a while people may even take your breath away.

Meredith Grey: Okay, here it is, your choice... it's simple, her or me, and I'm sure she is really great. But Derek, I love you, in a really, really big pretend to like your taste in music, let you eat the last piece of cheesecake, hold a radio over my head outside your window, unfortunate way that makes me hate you, love you. So pick me, choose me, love me.”

Lost and Found