So, why didn't anyone tell me that it's possible to see who's visited your Xanga within the last week? All this time, I thought Xanga was a secretive world of voyeuristic thrills: I read about your life, yet you never know I've been there. WRONG. You not only know I was there, but you know when I was there. I guess it's no big deal...I just feel like one of those violated victims in a Lifetime movie. I'm visiting Grace this weekend. I'm coming up for Jenna Linder's Senior Art Reception. Wow. Jenna's a senior. I remember when she was just a wee freshman, sweating along with work-out videos in Jill Dimmateo's apartment as Kim Bright pinched their butts and ate strawberry jam by the spoonful. If I had a nickel for everytime I saw that same scene in Beta... Speaking of Grace, my transferring there in the fall is full steam ahead unless God slams the door shut. If you've spoken to me in the last 6 months, you know of the mental tug-of-war I've waged between staying in Dayton and transferring back to Grace. On one hand, I'm loving the life that's developing here in Dayton: Life near a city. No signs of lake-effect. A church that I love...probably love more than any church of which I've ever been a part. A house church/small group from that church that I am growing to love. A weekly Bible study I attend that has been very interesting. The comfort of family and old friends. Seeing Dayton's skyline every day. Having multiple choices of things to do on the weekend; not just one of two as I had in Indiana (i.e. "Well, we can go to Applebee's or Wal-Mart) Yet, on the other hand, I can't imagine staying at UD. I'm going through the motions here. So much of my interest and passion has sub-sided. I've realized that I love learning, not just about people and their issues, but about people, their issues, and their place in the picture of God's truth. I've realized that grad school, at least in the form of counseling, is like training. Yet, I'm not being trained in the areas I desire to learn about the most. Therefore, I thought that maybe I should just take time off. Leave UD and live in Dayton for a couple of years. But, after less than a year in Dayton, I'm already finding it hard to leave my comfort zone. If I was to stay another 2 or 3, I think it would feel impossible. And I know that I would regret not pursuing my Master's at Grace. I would regret settling with whatever office job I could find as a means of living the comfortable life in Dayton; while ignoring the interest/passions I have for learning how to dig down to the soul with people through God's truth... At the same time, moving to Grace means leaving this ever-strengthening comfort zone. I don't mean to say that my comfort here is all bad. My church and the relationships I'm building are blessings. I know I prefer life near a city over life in rural Indiana. But should these things be big enough to stop me from following what may be a calling? I fear the loans I would need for Grace (as compared to the grad assistantship I have here which equals free tuition...although I work with, in all honesty, a schizophrenic secretary who attempts to make life in the office a living hell for some of the GA's.) I fear having to find an apartment. A church. A small group all over again. Is it worth it? I've been praying about this for a long time. I keep feeling confirmed that I should move toward Grace. So, I am. If God doesn't want me there, then I pray He will clearly tell me "NO". If not, I somewhat excitedly-somewhat hesitantly-somewhat nervously wait to see what He has in store. | 
