I.  Met.  PAULA DEEN.  

I.  MET.  PAULA DEEN!!

Who is Paula Deen, you ask?  She is only THE coolest person on television.  If any of you have ever watched the Food Network, you will recognize her as the feisty, Georgia-native who includes pounds of butter in ever recipe and uses colorful cultural phrases to describe her food: (i.e. "That's so dee-lish-us, it'd make a poe' man sit up and slap his momma 'cross da' face")

If any of you know me, you'll also know that I adore this woman.  Imagine my delight when I found out she was coming to southern Ohio for a book-signing.  So, I made the 45 minute-drive, stood in line for a collective 4 hours, talked to countless elderly, rural women who had just had their hair done for the event, purchased her new book (the only item she would sign), and anxiously awaited my turn at the table.  It was but a brief 15-second visit; she extended her hand, I told her she was the coolest person on television, she gave me the "Oh...well...I guess, that's sweet.." kind-of-look, and signed my book.  Then I was whisked away by security, as gaggles of country bumpkins surged behind me to see her.

In shock, I just kind of wandered around the store afterward...similar to the opening scene in Saving Private Ryan where that soldier stumbles across the beach, holding his blown-off arm.  It happened so quickly.  I had seen Paula Deen.  I had touched Paula Deen.  Would the Lord now take me home?  What more was there to live for?     

I'm still pondering these questions; but one thing is for sure:  I MET PAULA DEEN!