Homee.

So, I've been home for over a month. And.. it hasn't exactly been peachy.

I knew I wouldn't really enjoy the fact that I was home, I just never realized how much I would actually dislike it. Don't get me wrong, I love my parents and I have a pretty awesome job and, of course, it's free living. But I don't know.. I feel as though I am trapped here, or something like that. I just can't wait until I can go back to school. Now, I also know that Pensacola isn't the most happening place in the world.. but I do also know that I would rather be there right now rather than right here.

It's hasn't been all bad. When Joel came down and surprised me, I had the best weekend ever. Although I know the other weekends that he is coming to visit will be awesome, I think that the surprise weekend will be the best. I was pretty much in shock the whole weekend. I thought I was dreaming when he showed up at my front door.

I don't know. I think I am just ready to live on my own, well with a roommate I mean. Although it scares me to death because I will freak out over every noise, I think I need to feel some independence.

Whatever.

Life is a highway

So. I haven't written in here for a while. I've been checking it often. My mouse going over the link to possibly write, and then I decide not to. I think I am scared to write in Xanga. I guess I am afriad someone will read it who I don't want to. Oh well. I guess I'll just talk for this post to get some stuff out.

Its April 16th and I am stressed out. I just got done with a stats exam. I don't think I did to well. I have dance tonight at 8-11 probably. I have a paper I need to start working on. I have a project that needs to be finished for next week with four lazy people. I have a paper due in two weeks. I have another stats exam in 9 days. I have too much junk food in the room. I am not happy with myself. I am not ready to go home and be with my parents for four months. I am scared for my job over the summer. I will be going home on may 3rd. Which means the last day with my boyfriend is may 2nd. Which is approaching rather quickly. I want it to work over the summer. Personally, I think it can. The fact that everyone else in the world tells me that long distance relationships can't work is wearing me down. I know it will only be for a few months. He plans to come visit me over the summer, and I would like to try and get a flight up here, but its still hard. I am too attached to him. My dance recital is may2nd and I am not sure we are entirely prepared. There are a few dances that arent even done. Oh, and I am fundraising chair for next year.. Glad I got volunteered for that job. I have to find a job for next year. Yeah.

Anyways, I have been reading a lot about dieting and what not. I would love to diet and exercise. I would love to lose weight. Now to most people, I would be considered pretty average. Not overweight and not skinny. But.. I am just not happy with what I see. It stems from dance, I think. All the girls around you are skinny, most of the time anyways. I do exercise, but... dieting is freaking hard in college. Do you realize the crap they feed you? There is so much junk and fried foods. I cannot wait to have an apartment on campus next year and be able to cook for myself, I hope that that will keep me healthy.

Anyways, I'm done ranting I suppose. Sorry if is sounds like I am complaining, I just need to vent sometimes I guess.

Better get to all the work.

=)

I seem to be a walking contradiction...

I am a Catholic. I go to church on Sundays and believe in God. I am pro-choice. I may never get an abortion but I think that a woman should have a choice, not a bunch of men in politics. I think it's okay to have sex before marriage, personally I don't think God will condemn anyone for it. I think we need to take care of our enviroment. I walk to classes and to the gym and more places than most people can say. I recycle bottles and paper. But I throw away batteries and I do drive a small SUV. I don't know.

I think everyone has contradictions within them... It is just something that has been on my mind. I don't know why I am writing about this or why it has been on my mind. But thats why I have a Xanga, to blurt out whatever I want.

Anways, life's good. Homework and school are still kicking my ass. I have been having more headaches than I can count. Pretty stressed out with all the work and all the dance and everything else. It's almost the end of freshman year.. It's crazy. I don't wanna go home haha. Boyfriend Pensacola. Me Largo. 4 months of seperation, perhaps one week together. Its not going to be good. But I am excited for the job. =)

Time to go to do something unproductive with my life.

So we fought, I think. I tell myself it is was a misunderstanding and nothing more. But it was more. It wasn't a blow out yell and scream fight. It was the one where you are laying down, talking, something goes wrong and you end up back to back. It was akward. I just wanted to say something to make it better, but I couldn't. It worries me. We will be away from each other for about 4 months over the summer. There will be no quick make ups over the phone. I can't just get a hug and get over it. This summer will be a true test. Although it happened, it took us six months to get here. And thats a hell of a lot better than most people can say.

School has been kicking my butt. I'm ready for next friday at 9:51 when I am done with my pysch test. I can go to breakfast then be on my way home. Home. A big wonderful bed. Family. Friends. Oh my god, I miss my friends. Sometimes I feel as though I have abandoned them. I can't wait for the taste of real food. The food can even be not 5 star...I can guarantee it will be better than the commons.

At the same time, I know the day after I get home.. I will be waiting for the day I can come back.

I am so strange.

happy ash wendesday!

So I really don't think anyone reads these anymore. Perhaps that is why I always find is so appealing to write in here.

It's 2008. I am a freshman in college. I could have never dreamed it would turn out the way it has. First semester was probably the easiest I've ever had to deal with as far as classes go. 3.93 wasn't hard work, it is the fact that I only had to take one exam out of four.

I found my first love. Yay Chasidy.  Cheesy, but whatever. It's not just that "Oh, he's so wonderful we are going to last forever because we've been dating two days and that's all it took." No. Not quite. I am in love with him from everywhere. I can't explain why or how or when or what. The fact that I am in love scares the living shit out of me. He knows I am in love with him. He knows I trust him with everything, which is rare for anyone in my life. He could really hurt me right now if he wanted. He makes me happy. Genuinly happy. Not the aww I got to see you, =). The kind of happy when even if I am crying over something stupid, in five minutes it will go away because I am just happy. The weird way I can explain it is to say my life is happy.

I've met some great people. I've lost touch with some great people. It's hard to be away at college and have friends at home. I love dance team. I love it. I hate the food.

2007 pretty much sucked ass until the end. Dance was amazing. It was my escape. I hated school. I felt like the only one not part of some group or thing or I can't even describe it. I was so tired of people disliking me for not changing. I was very ready for a change of scene and couldn't wait to get to college. Being 8 hours away from home is actually better than I ever imagined. Sometimes, I almost don't even want to go home.

It's time for a change. Live life the best you can.. It's all you got.