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i wonder if it's possible to somehow precisely re-trace your
footsteps.... back. see exactly how you've made it to the current
point in your life. would you make any changes if you actually
somehow made it back? would you still see things for the way they
are the same way as you did back then? would you still make
the same choices as you did back then? or would you look at where
you're currently at right now and realize that that's not what you
really want, and then try to re-live the past again to come out with a
different present?
questions of longing. that's what these are. longing for something you lost along the way or something that maybe involuntarily slipped away.
whichever it may be, there's still a void, huh. you hardly feel
the void because there are other factors that seem to fill it in, but
you tend to find out from time to time that it's more than likely only
a temporary filler.
life does go on. time stops for noone, but don't you just wish
you could just press STOP sometimes to rewind and make some
edits. the sneak preview seemed great, but when it actually
played out....
but then again, these are all just mere questions and thoughts.
there's nothing i can do with them but to just let them out.
expression. that's what it's all about. that's all you can
do. it's up to life. and the choices you make from here on
out. which direction do you want to take? do you wanna keep
going forward or reverse? or maybe just keep driving forward and
hope to someday come full circle.
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sailing away.... into unknown seas... drifting in and out of harsh lonely tides...
our hearts are swept by the pounding of mean storms, then brought back
to life at daybreak with the sun. our ships float on, further
away from each other.. struggling to find meaning in it's very own
direction. once in a while, the waves push us closer
together... our views appearing in the distance... the
endless horizon confuses our sight.. giving us millions of possible
directions to take... but the current pushes us forward.......
eventually passing each other by.
written 3.15.06 / hmsx class
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wounded.
sucked the life out of me as he forceably struck my heart with blades reaching the depths of my soul.
purged my spirit and shattered my inner body into millions of now missing pieces. parts of me are now lost--scattered to far off places, wandering aimlessly.
....leaving me with
blank empty spaces.
trying to catch up with lost time, lost hours.
all the while as i slowly pick up the very pieces that supported my sense of sanity.
in a blink of an eye, my whole world came crashing down on me.
burying me alive.
underneath the rubble, i knew i had to pick myself up.
say FUCK IT and rise up and above.
as deep as this wound will eternally be, i couldn't bear remaining trapped.
gotta move forward and not lose track.
reach something higher, better.
genuine growth.
authenticity.
pure truth.
my heart's been scarred. it's lifelong.
but i can't be afraid...
the process of healing has started.
gotta push through all inhibiting walls.
don't be afraid.
cuz the next chapter will be much much sweeter.
He guides me through everything.
hope is re-instilled and carries me through.
let this heartache lead to a much strengthened and genuine heart.
and save it..
save it for something pure.
save it for something authentic.
someone worth freeing it to in order to meet your soul.
i'm wounded. and a part of the old me has died.
but i'm still walking, still breathing, still living.
..... only now i intend to live for more.
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it's official!!!!!!! we're off to hawaii in january! woohoo.
6 nights and 7days of paradise! | | |
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“i wanna fly, never come down, and live my life, and have friends around...” -coldplay
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