Now before I begin, I have to apologize for having not blogged for DAYS, and during that period of guilt, I had strongly meant to blog, but I was REALLY exhausted. REALLLLY exhausted. I’ll catch up on what occurred during the few days of silence, after I finish with the theme of TODAY’S interesting topic, of which crossed my mind.
I had my cello lesson today, with my teacher, Grace. Somehow as we were talking after I reviewed my scales, we somehow got to a conversation that was rather… well… enlightening. Today, I have realized that lately in my orchestra classes at school, I am being trampled and walked over like a used doormat. And that somebody who is doing the walking over, should not be allowed to do so.
Let’s see… there are very few cellos in my class, and I am one out of two cellists in the freshmen class. I am a freshman, and the other girl is a Junior. In the sophomore class, there are at least 3 cellists, and there is one out of all of them, who is REALLY quite good, and his name is Sean. He is also the only boy cellist out of both classes. Now here’s the thing… We did a chair test which includes all of the freshmen class with the sophomore class, and I was placed second out of both classes. Sean was placed first, and I’m not sure if he deserves it, but I have to say he is a good cellist.
But then…. He’s also a major arrogant JERK about it. Or at least that’s what I’ve realized.
Throughout all our rehearsals and even our concert performances, I was supposed to sit in the second chair at the front, next to Sean as his stand partner, but for some reason, I was always somehow pushed to the back at the end of the cellos. Why? I’m not quite sure myself, but somehow, it always ends with some other cello who got lower in the chair test, who ends up sitting in the second seat, and Sean always happens to “invite” those intruders. And my orchestra teacher, gives me a disappointed look when she sees that I’m not sitting where I’m supposed to be, but she doesn’t do anything about it.
Because Sean is a suck up for her. He always has something to say during rehearsals, and gives in input, and he acts like he’s the concertmaster. When I sit behind him, he sounds very good actually… but he’s always flirting with the girl next to him, or the violist who’s a cheerleader, when nobody else is sitting next to him. At our last rehearsal last Thursday, Sean and I were the only two cellists there, because the others couldn’t come for unknown reasons. I was going to sit in my ‘rightful” chair, when I noticed that a violist was sitting there. Now I am a shy person when it comes to some people, so I decided to sit behind Sean and the girl until we started to play. And Sean seemed like he was pretending that he was the only cellist there. When my orchestra teacher told me to move up and sit next to him at the front row, he got all quiet and was really…. How to say… “cold”? “Brush-off”? Sort of…
He didn’t talk to me, or didn’t say anything about the pieces, and when we played, he acted as if he was a soloist. During our div. sessions, he played SUPER loudly, and I couldn’t even hear myself, even though it’s supposed to be based on teamwork, and he acted as if I wasn’t there. And he always plays fast, as if it’s not a full orchestra piece, but a concerto, or a solo piece for himself. And he ends up speeding everyone else up so we end up faster than we should, because he plays so loud. And because he was trying so hard, he made lots of mistakes.
My teacher explained these strange behaviors to me: “He feels threatened by you, because there’s someone who may be better than him” is what Grace said to me. I’m a little skeptical, because I know I have a long way to go. His vibrato is steadier and wider than mine, and he makes a good tone, but then again, I guess I’m playing pretty well. Him and I are the only cellists in the class that’s considered “Allstate” material. And there was a part during that rehearsal which my orchestra teacher asked just Sean and me to go over and play for the rest of the class, and after we finished, someone said, “You guys sound really good”. And Sean looked uncomfortable.
My orchestra is also playing “Stairway to Heaven” by Led Zeppelin, and Sean is playing guitar for us, so that day, I was the only cello that was playing while he played guitar. And I happened to play it quite well…. Sean seemed really cold. He IS cold to me. It’s not like I want him to all talkative to me, but it would be nicer if he was friendlier. And also, if I earned that seat area, then I deserve to sit there. It’s not a place where his “guests” can sit and chat to him so he can show off his skills to them.
My dad said “He’s being immature”.
Well, I guess he’s got superiority issues, because he acts like he’s the king over minions, and he feels glad that the other cellists have much to catch up on. I am the only one in the group who could pretty much be his match I guess. And I shouldn’t let him intimidate me. Rather, I’m intimidating him, and I won’t let him get to me! Because I won’t deny the fact that he’s a good cellist, but there are times when he’s pushing it too far. Orchestra is also based on teamwork. It’s not a one man group.
Well, now that I’ve got that off y chest, the next rehearsal we have, I’m sitting in my chair, whether he wants it or not. It’s not for him to decide!
Okay so now, I think it’s time I give a recap on what I’ve been doing, for those of you who demand my whereabouts and why I have neglected this blog for so long. There’s something about my life these days, that makes me feel kind of… tired. I’m constantly exhausted and I can take naps that last for hours in the afternoon until evening. I feel like I need some refreshment. And at the same time, I’m homesick for Malaysia and my best fwend in the whole wide world, Alexis. I really need something…. To rejuvenate myself!
My time management is also spiraling out of control. I haven’t had a regular meal at the proper time for a looong time, and I haven’t had enough sleep for weeks. Sometimes, I even forget to shower or that I haven’t drunk any water for over 12 hours. And I don’t realize I’m thirsty until ages later. I don’t know when my body started getting so out of whack and out of my control. I need to lose weight, and my metabolism was never this ineffective. When did this start? Ever since I moved here… hmm… suspicious, no?
But anyways, I’ve been out at various friends’ houses for the past 2 days, sometimes for the whole day, hence my crazed schedule. I had fun, I guess, but I’m losing my steam when it comes to communication. It’s great to hang out with people, but occasionally, you just need some space, to take some time, recuperate, and get back in the game with a smile on your face , and a whole book of things to say. I’m running out of that energy, and I really need, just some time to relax by myself. But holidays don’t come every day, so I have to make the best out of whatever limited time I have.
Now er… I guess it’s time I signed off, and get some much need rest.
