she_rha's Xanga

Thursday, April 06, 2006

Thu, 06 Apr 2006 02:41:25 GMT

No dummies it was a bracelet!!!! I still have a tan line from it! Hahaha have a good day

Monday, April 03, 2006

Mon, 03 Apr 2006 03:38:31 GMT

I cut a peice of myself off today. Hmm... that sounds kind of gross, don't worry it wasn't a peice of my body, it was a peice of me, of what makes me... me. There is a mark where it used to be. I held on for a long time even once there was no reason to. It was time. I don't know what I'll do now. I need to ry to keep a plant alive for a year. Then maybe I'll try to take care of a pet for a year. Then maybe I'll be ready for some semblence of a relationship with a person. I am so deaply scarred that I don't know how anyone could ever really get in. I don't feal things, unless I force it and then it isn't real anyway. I'm sorry to be so dramatic, but I've just made a worthless trip to the computer lab. And I really did cut something off, see if you can tell what it is!

Thursday, March 23, 2006

Thu, 23 Mar 2006 21:19:49 GMT

we found a house!!!

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Wed, 15 Mar 2006 18:02:04 GMT

It's hard to find a house for rent. Especially when your roommate has two dogs. It's ok that she has them, I've met them, I like them. It just makes it harder. Jeeze I had to use the phone a lot today, with nothing to show for it except a house I can't have and an address where I can pick up a list of houses. Man...

Monday, March 13, 2006

Mon, 13 Mar 2006 04:41:04 GMT

I want so much to be loved for who I am. Who I am may not always (or ever for that matter) be pretty or nice or filled with what you might call "wholesomeness". I will always be who I am, take it or leave it. I am strong willed and impulsive and full of faith. Don't worry, it is a faith in God, the same one it has always been, maybe I show my faith and live it differently than you may expect. Get over it. I am unlike my fellow camp staff because I don't like rock climbing, I will never capture the flag, and in-camp is the adventure option I most enjoy leading because I can be creative and not just exerting physical force all day. Besides, if I'm going to make mistakes now's the time to do it. I want so much to find my hero. Someone that I respect and that respects me. I guess I'm just tired.

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Wed, 08 Mar 2006 03:51:28 GMT

This is stupid. You are acting stupid. It's not my fault that I joke. Well, ok maybe it is. The point is that it's part of who I am, and I don't understand why it's sometimes funny and sometimes gets me in a lot of trouble when it is mis-relayed. There is no confusion. I just wanted to spend time with friends and the palm trees and sand was just a nice bonus. I can't believe that hearsay has once again destroyed your opinion of me. I can't believe you don't know me better than that considering you have known me for something like 7 years. You were the one who said beer, you were the one who said drunk. I was the one who laughed and retold the story to one who I thought would find it funny as well. She did. The one sitting next to her must not have. I just can't believe that once again, like every other time, I got to have something to look forward to for a couple of days and then it was gone. I am asking you to stop it. You have hurt me with your accusations, something that seems to be happening a lot lately. I am being a better person now than I have been in a long time and it seems only now that people begin to hear things about me and lose their faith in me. Well, I'm sick of it. Everyone losing their faith in me doesn't make me want to try harder, it makes me want to give up and give in. If everone thinks I'm a bad person anyway why don't I just be that person?I AM DOING THE BEST I CAN!!!!!!!!

Thursday, February 09, 2006

Thu, 09 Feb 2006 23:02:27 GMT

They say that the definition of someone with schizophrenia is someone with disorganized thoughts. I guess that makes me schizophrenic. I am trying to just get over everything, but it's hard when your whole life just kind of explodes in the time frame of one week. I am having a hard time with trust. I don't know how else to explain it, but it's true. I could say that I just need a break, but I don't think that would do any good. Not really. I think that I just need life to keep going. Perhaps smoothly for a little while now. I got a lot of smoothe time already. It was like I had made the choice to have all the good time at once and then all the bad time at once. Maybe that means it'll be good for a little while.

Friday, February 03, 2006

Fri, 03 Feb 2006 16:19:59 GMT

I got broken up with this morning. I don't really care that much though. I did, but now I don't, maybe I will again, probably not though

Saturday, January 28, 2006

Sat, 28 Jan 2006 02:26:25 GMT

So, how many of you have ever slept in the same place as someone who likes to cuddle? Well, then you know about what I am about to tell you. You know how you sometimes wake up to find yourself in the dreaded "face-to-face cuddle"? Your first thought is "awww, the face-to-face cuddle! That's so sweet!" And then the first breath you take in reminds you why it is dreaded in the first place. So then you have to start synchronizing your breath with theirs because, let's face it, nobody likes to breath air someone else has just breathed. What? Just me? Anyway, so then you finally get it to where you breeth fresh air every time and you get a little excited and close your eyes. And then somehow everytime they manage to get off the pattern and ruin your air! So then you have no choice but to pull the Oh-I'm-sorry-I-didn't-mean-to-wake-you thing where you move slightly, or kick them, or make some huge crashing sound; all the while pretending to have just been awoken by it as well.

Goodnight Everybody!

Thursday, January 19, 2006

Thu, 19 Jan 2006 15:02:42 GMT

I'm here in the spanish lab in gunderson. Did I mention that I hate doing things for the first time lke sit here in the lab. I know it's stupid, but it's like going to a restaraunt you've never been to for the first time and you don't know quite how everythng works yet. Oh well. I guess I'll get it over with.