shebleedsforlove's Xanga

its just a jump to the left

Sat, 18 Aug 2007 21:28:41 GMT

I sort of miss xanga.

I haven't public posted for over a year and a half.

School's getting ready to start, and I dont want it to.
It is my senior year, so it shouldn't be that bad, but that doesn't mean the oh so joyous tradition of lots of drama is going to stop.

1. AP American History
2. AP Lang 12
3. Adv Physics
4. Stagecraft
5. Seminar
6. Painting
7. AP 3-D Portfolio
8. Adv Ceramics
9. Office Aid

Eaaasssyyyy. I'm so excited for my classes though.

Jaden left for KState today. I'm gonna miss her. We all went to see Superbad last night, it was so amazing. Hahaha. Jaden has a 3 day break in 2 weeks. ger.

I want food.
Blah. I wrote alot today.
hm. ohwell. I dont feel like getting my journal to put the poem in here.

geezzzzzzzz.

Tegan and Sara
Relief Next To Me

I miss you now
I guess like
I should have missed you then
My body moves
Like curtains waving in and out of wind,
In and out of windows
I can't untangle, I can't untangle
What I feel and what would matter most
I can't get close and I,
I can't get close
And now there's just no point,
In reaching out for me
In the dark,
I'm just no good at giving relief
In the dark,
It won't be easy to find relief
And I'm not proud
That nothing will seem easy about me
But I promise this
I won't go my whole life
Telling you I don't need
But I promise this
I won't go my whole life
Telling you I don't need
I'll tell you now
I guess like
I should have told you then
The thunder moves
Like damn drawers slamming in my frame
Slamming in my framework
I can't untangle, I can't untangle
What I know and what should matter most
I can't get close and I,
I can't get close
And now there's just no point,
In reaching out for you
In the dark,
I'm just no good at giving relief
In the dark,
It won't be easy to find relief
And I'm not proud
That nothing will seem easy about me
But I promise this
I won't go my whole life
Telling you I don't need

runaway_love

Fri, 17 Feb 2006 01:18:46 GMT

your new addiction

Yeeaaah, thats my new xanga.
I'm making a new xanga.

This one is fucked up. Anytime someone tries to go here, its like, cannot load page, operation aborted.

then you ahve to refresh it, and sometiems it doesnt work.

gah.

ill update later, and tell you the name.

then delete this one after a week.

peace love
sam

And theres no way I'll sleep when you're near me....

Thu, 16 Feb 2006 17:16:35 GMT

"To and fro from yours to Cecil St.
You wore the same shirt that you wore last week,
Should I shake your hand or kiss your cheek?
Convince you it's not lust, it's c h e m  i s t r y."
             -To and Fro
                Architechture in Helsinki

Soo...uhh...we dont have school today...

I cant decide wheather im happy about this, or sorta sad...
but I guess since its ten fourty five, and im in my lucky charms pjs, and a cami, eating a HUGE bowl of apple jacks, with my hair pulled up, i cant be too sad. its still a good day.

Ack, I was excited for today. damnit

Uhmm...Im going to be so bored today.. I'm grounded, so I cant go do anything...GRR. Its frustrating.

I should probably start on my multigenre project... I havent started on anyting except for my ideas written down on paper. I suck.

So I still have Jons watch...I feel sorta bad. I dont know why. I feel like I stole it. But I didnt...But I'm still gonna have it for another day. ack.

There really isnt anything to say, but I dont want to quit typing, cuz im really bored.

I'm listening to 90's rock on launch radio. cuz im cool.
BIA BIA.

"it just really bothers me that he MIGHT have man boobs..."
hahahahahahahaha. wow.

I am boooreeeeeeddd.
I think im gonna put lyrics on here...or not, cuz the metallica ones fuckedup

PEACE LOVE
Sam

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Wed, 15 Feb 2006 21:30:38 GMT

Today I was unusually tired and sad and not hyper...
It was weird.

uhh.
but we did have an early out, so that was fun.

secondhour, we didnt do anything we had the timemachine sub, so yeah, talked to bethany about how i want to touch her. hahahaha
fourthhour, I sat in the back of the class room with Shalan, Justin, Augie, David, and Tim. I was way tired, so I layed my head in Justins lap/on his knee area, and sorta slept. He rubbed my neck. it was nice. Augie and Justin like to tape things to me. Like BOXES! and keys...and subway coupons...hehe
sixthhour...uuhh...nothing acutally.
eighthhour, went by so SLOOWWW. Jon waited for me for lunch cuz he went to all four hours cuz he skipped!

hahaha, after school, me and jon decided to be cool kids, and we walked to Sherwood Park and sat in the basketball courts. For like. an hour. being really REALLY cold, talking about undies, shoes, bras *thatforsomereasonendedupinjonsbackpack??*, and arguing on weather or not its raining. He also made me get the leaves and stuff off of his ass...Then we got wayyy too cold and decided to walk to Pappy's, but when we got close to the school we decided just to hang out there. So we did. And Jon used my lotion...so he smells like me. hahaha.Then we went into the gazibo, then walked around the school, and got followed by the greasy janitor that told on me and joe last year. *stupidjanitors!* then we went back and layed on the tables and jon tried to call his family, but they dont love him! HA JON! HAHA! haha. jp. that was mean. Jon sprayed me with axe, cuz he smelled like me. so i have to smel like him... then we ate jelly beans!!!! I LOVE JELLY BEANS! Jon would eat half of one, then dance, then tell me the flavor, then id eat the other half, and dance..hahaha. we're the coolest ever. Then I had to leeeaave.

buuut. I still have his watch...

I have to remmber that tommorrow...i cant figure out how to get it off though!!

(uuh. in that above thing, it did say "up" instead of "off"..htat entertained me)

im so rockin out to Alanis Morrisette..but old stuff. the wemons liberation shit. YEAH BIA!!!!!

aaah, im in a good mood.
i feel like dancing.

Uuuhhm. I have no idea whre else im going with this...
maybe ill put alanis morrisette lyrics in here...possibly.
now i just have to choose between two songs....

hmm..
ill probably update this thing later.

PEACE LOVE!!!
Sam

Meridith Brooks
I'm A Bitch

I hate the world today
You're so good to me
I know but I can't change
Tried to tell you
But you look at me like maybe
I'm an angel underneath
Innocent and sweet
Yesterday I cried
Must have been relieved to see
The softer side
I can understand how you'd be so confused
I don't envy you
I'm a little bit of everything
All rolled into one

[Chorus:]
I'm a bitch, I'm a lover
I'm a child, I'm a mother
I'm a sinner, I'm a saint
I do not feel ashamed
I'm your hell, I'm your dream
I'm nothing in between
You know you wouldn't want it any other way

So take me as I am
This may mean
You'll have to be a stronger man
Rest assured that
When I start to make you nervous
And I'm going to extremes
Tomorrow I will change
And today won't mean a thing

[Chorus]

Just when you think, you got me figured out
The season's already changing
I think it's cool, you do what you do
And don't try to save me

[Chorus]

I'm a bitch, I'm a tease
I'm a goddess on my knees
When you hurt, when you suffer
I'm your angel undercover
I've been numb, I'm revived
Can't say I'm not alive
You know I wouldn't want it any other way

YOU KNOW!!!
*gangster*

I want so badly to believe that there is truth and love is real....

Wed, 15 Feb 2006 01:55:07 GMT

*edit*

AND this is why i love her

frenchmaddie: if he doesn't like you then he must be blind
frenchmaddie: and brain dead
frenchmaddie: and just fucking boring
frenchmaddie: and i'm pretty sure you don't want to fuck a brain dead blind boring guy
frenchmaddie: so don't worry about it....
frenchmaddie: HE LIKES YOU.
frenchmaddie: HE WANTS YOUR BODY
frenchmaddie: he wants to huugggggg you he wants to kkkisss you
frenchmaddie: he wants to loooooove you

HHAHAHA. yeah. you konw now.'

and this chick

DISCO xxisXDEAD: im going to overdose on drugs now.
inmydreamsxwedie: me too
inmydreamsxwedie: on midol
inmydreamsxwedie: or HEROINE
inmydreamsxwedie: YESSS
inmydreamsxwedie: YES YES YES
inmydreamsxwedie: HERONIE
inmydreamsxwedie: HEROINE
DISCO xxisXDEAD: my drug of choice.
inmydreamsxwedie: MINE TOO
inmydreamsxwedie: i loove boys on heroin
DISCO xxisXDEAD: mmmmmmm
DISCO xxisXDEAD: i must admit, they are so gorgeous.
DISCO xxisXDEAD: dont know why
DISCO xxisXDEAD: but they are.
DISCO xxisXDEAD: OH
DISCO xxisXDEAD: when chris mallory was on drugs.
DISCO xxisXDEAD: whoa.
inmydreamsxwedie: OMFG YES!!!!
DISCO xxisXDEAD: haha
DISCO xxisXDEAD: im going to go over dose now
DISCO xxisXDEAD: i'll see you tomorrow
inmydreamsxwedie: NO WE HAVE TO DO IT TOGETHER
inmydreamsxwedie:
DISCO xxisXDEAD: ohohoh
DISCO xxisXDEAD: tomorrow then
inmydreamsxwedie: okay
DISCO xxisXDEAD: we'll skip school
inmydreamsxwedie:
inmydreamsxwedie: we'll make it a party
DISCO xxisXDEAD: yes.
DISCO xxisXDEAD: you bring the heroine. i'll bring the booze.
inmydreamsxwedie: and ill have hannah videotape it

its cuz we're sexy gangsters

my two favorite people in the world

*edit*

Oookaay. So everything is goodish now.
Alot has happend over the past couple of days...

My mom and Chris have been fighting constantly for the past two months, and last night we went to my grandmas, and we were seriously going to move out. In an apartment and stuff, and then like idk, I guess Chris did something meraculous, and my mom and Chris decided to try again and stuff.

So I dont have to move, which makes me happyyyyy.

Soooo. My day = really really crappy. Even though I tried to hide it all.
I dont think it worked too well sometimes...

firsthour, i did nothing. I never do anything in language its stupid.
thirdhour, we had to watch this reaaaaally boring electronics thing, and i waslike gr. and then we just listend to stuff about stars afterwards.
seminar, me and bethany complained about valentines day and all that crap. we were reaaaaaally late cuz we were talking to Katlyn and Jon.
seventhhour, was amazing, me and hannah kept slapping eachother and colbey on the ass with the pingpong pattles...heheeheh it was great, then hannah made me mad so i threw metal washers at her, and made her fall into a wooden thing. and then i punched her...its cuz im nice.
ninthhour, nothing.

Afterschool me and Hannah stayed after for stage crew, and we actually worked this time!!! it was like...a miracle or something. lol we NEVER work. Then we went on a looot of breaks after other peopole started working.

Then we found Blaine being all by himself, and made him come up and help us paint. hehe. we painted his hair, and his shoes, and me and hannahs shoes, and just ran aroudn doing nothgn.

oh yeah, I made jon an amazing card. with a drawing with dust bunnies. its pretty. you should be jealous.

Uhh..Liv licked me alot...on the face. I licked her. And Jon... I should probably call maddie in a while...
blah..

I hate Valentines Day. All day ive been trying to act happy, but in my mind im like..."ugh. i hate today, i just want to stay home and mope" and i wanted to kill everyone eleses day.

I felt this irrisistable urge to run around with a fork and sissors and pop everyones balloons and cut the heads off of their flowers. Damn happy people.

Well I guess its cool, my grandma Judy got me this rock. Its amazing. its REAL too!!! its a gold ruby ring, with pink stones ont eh side, with small diamonds on the side. its soooo pretty. i looove it.

Alex bought me chocolate like he promised. Hes pretty much the best ever. I feel bad for him though... poor guy.

Madie sent me a "secret admirer" thing. it was amazing. I hart her to NO FUCKING END.

I'm really impatient. Or just over-expecting... Something like that, I guess. I dont know, I am the most pessimistic person I know. I am an impatient, overthinking pessimist. Yey. fun. not. Gah....

I hate being frustrated.
this is difficult.

I dont know what to do...I just kinda want to like...idk.
well I do know, I just dont want to put it down, cuz alot of people read this...

gah.
I dont know anymore.
I'm starting to think I should give up on love/guys/relationships.

...but I really want this one.

isuck.reallybad.
imsoofuckingfrustrated.

I want it to stop.
i want to fastforward until I KNOW what is on your mind.

I hate not knowing.
it makes me feel weird.

im gonna go.
this sucks.
yey for icecream binging.

Peace Love
Sam

Rooney
Daisy Duke

I wanna know
All there's to know about you
I want you to know
Nothing about me although...

I'll give you a taste
When you think that you know me
I'll blow you away
So baby, bow down Daisy Duke

You don't know me so well
I think you know that now
I'm unbreakable
There's no need for fragile stickers
You're too young for me
But I can keep a secret
I'm in total control
Of the situation
Bow down Daisy Duke

Sit on my couch
Snuggle with me through the hard night
I don't bite, baby
I'll be good to you in the morning

Don't you say no to me, baby
Big mistake
I'll throw you away
So baby, bow down Daisy Duke

You don't know me so well
I think you know that now
I'm unbreakable
There's no need for fragile stickers
You're too young for me
But I can keep a secret
I'm in total control
Of the situation
Bow down Daisy Duke
Bow down Daisy Duke
Bow down Daisy Duke

I'm much too rough
With the way that I phrase things
I'm sorry for cuffing you
To my bathtub

Bow down Daisy Duke
Bow down Daisy Duke

You don't know me so well
I think you know that now
I'm unbreakable
There's no need for fragile stickers
You're too young for me
But I can keep a secret
I'm in total control
Of the situation
Bow down Daisy Duke
Bow down Daisy Duke
Bow down Daisy Duke

Monday, February 13, 2006

Mon, 13 Feb 2006 23:04:40 GMT

Blaaaahh. Today was just kinda...blah.

andimmovingithink.

stupidpenises.

idk.

byelover.
sam

im sleeping my way out of this one...with anyone who will lie down

Mon, 13 Feb 2006 01:08:53 GMT

"i guess that it is typical
to cling to memories you'll never get back again
and to sort through old photographs of a summer long ago
or a friend that you used to know
and there, below his frozen face
you wrote the name and that ancient date
and you can't believe he is really gone
when all that's left is a fucking song."

...i need that song.

Sooo...Uh...

I have no idea what I am talking about...

But guess what!!! IM GROUNDED!!!!

YEY!

fuck.

that just made my Valentines Day THAT much worse...thanks mom!

I hate valentines day. Have I already told you this? Possibly. Oh well I'm going to tell you again.

All it is, is a stupid fucking corporate holiday used so people can just FAKE and play up their feelings so they can get into someones pants. FUCK LOVE! Its all about the presents and the sex.

Who needs an official holidy to tell someone that you love them?? YOU SHOULDNT. If you really, truly loved them, you would do sweet, cute things for them everyday. Not when everyone else is doing it. And girls shouldnt have to have things botten for htem to make them feel special. Wft. There is no love anymore.

I shot love and romance four times. In the face.

I think love and teenage dating is just an excuse to have someone to rub against.
fucking hormonal shinanigans.

I think that 1% of highschool couples REALLY love eachother.
the other 99% are lying.

You just end up getting hurt with love.

I think the devil works in my favor.
Thats depressing.

Im gonna go.
peace Loves
sam

Bright Eyes
Love I Don't Have To Love

I picked you out
Of a crowd and talked to you
Said I liked your shoes
You said thanks can I follow you?
So it's up the stairs
And out of view
No prying eyes
I poured some wine
I asked your name you asked the time
Now it's two o'clock,
the club is closed we're up the block
Your hands on me
I'm pressing hard against your jeans
Your tongue in my mouth
Trying to keep the words from coming out
You didn't care to know
Who else may have been you before
I want a lover I don't have to love
I want a girl who's too sad to give a fuck
Where's the kid with the chemicals?
I thought he said to meet me here but I'm not sure
I got the money if you got the time
You said it feels good I said I'll give it a try
Then my mind went dark
We both forgot where your car was parked
Let's just take the train
I'll meet up with the band in the morning
Bad actors with bad habits
Some sad singers
They just play tragic
And the phone's ringing
And the van's leaving
Let's just keep touching
Let's just keep keep singing
I want a lover I don't have to love
I want a boy who's so drunk he doesn't talk
Where's the kid with the chemicals
I got a hunger and I can't seem to get full
I need some meaning I can memorize
The kind I have always seems to slip my mind
But you but you
You write such pretty words
But life's no story book
Love is an excuse to get hurt
And to hurt
"Do you like to hurt?"
"I do! I do!"
"Then hurt me." [fades]

troll orgy pictures.

Sun, 12 Feb 2006 18:55:21 GMT

...well not really.
I would feel bad for wishing that on someone, and then having someone that I acutally know die.

I dont know, Im just in a weird mood.

Like, I know things, and it doesnt bother me, but then, it makes me so fucking pissed off.
I dont know why. It shouldnt. At all.

but i guess many girls cant say they lucked out by not having dated someone.

I can.

Hm...I'm still at hannahs. ive been over here...like all weekend. since friday night. hahahaha. its cuz we're amazing.

Sooo, I talked to Augie last night. I think we are okay now.

You have no idea how much that made my week. yeah, whole week bitch. It beat out numerous hundreds of dollars of undies. by far.

It made me really really happy.

i think im gonna go steal cookies from hannahs cabnets.

then im gonna go to Khols and Target with hannah and holly....hopefully.

hmm......

...i have a really big secret....

peace loves
sam

*edit*TROLL ORGY

yey, me and my sexynessless.

why is it underlined now?
gah!

I HATE YOU

oh well. those were me and hannahs REALLY REALLY CREEPY troll orgy pictures. ik now you enjoyed those...

heheheheheheheh.

Saturday, February 11, 2006

Sat, 11 Feb 2006 19:58:27 GMT

awweee. I havent heard this song in a loonnnnnggg time.
I get a different meaning and feeling from it now...

I will try and be content for now.
I just will hold this extremely high hope in me that I will one day be happy with the way my life is.

That I wont keep looking back and wishing that things were the way they used to be. Wishing that I hadnt done something, or that I HAD done something. I dont want to regret alot of things. I dont want to have anything to regret period. But I already do, and there isnt anything I can do about those things now. I just have to learn from my mistakes, and try not to let it happen again.

What is it to try? To only do something when it is convenient for you? Or your friends? What if it would be so much easier just to give in, and quit trying? Would you do it? Even if you promised yourself many times that you wouldnt?

Why does life have to be complicated? One minute your life is amazing, and you love it, and you are so giddy sometimes you cant go to sleep, and you're excited to wake up in the morning. And then another minute, all you want to do is sleep, and cry. And eat, and listen to music. You dont want social interaction, you dont want to wake up. You just see no point, and its not worth trying anymore.

I dont know what put me in this mood.
I think I'm just really lonely. I mean, I'm not alone, I have amazing friends, but there is this void, this huge black hole in me. And I dont know how to fill it up, or I havent found the right person to fill it up yet.

I feel alone.

I know I shouldnt, because in reality I guess I'm not...but I miss that scense of companionship, togetherness, lovingness of having someone with you. I dont have it anymore...

I want it to come back.

But no one wants to go through the stuggle to help me.
I hate the way things are right now.
I do. I just...I dont know anymore.

I always make mistakes in this section of my life.
As in who I choose to try and give my heart to, and who I try and keep it from.
It's always the wrong one.

I'm restless and disconnected.

peace loves
Sam

Puddle of Mudd
Blurry

Everything's so blurry
and everyone's so fake
and everybody's empty
and everything is so messed up
pre-occupied without you
I cannot live at all
My whole world surrounds you
I stumble then I c r a w l

You could be my someone
you could be my scene
you know that i'll protect you
from all of the obscene
I wonder what you're doing
imagine where you are
there's oceans in between us
but that's not very far

Can you take it all away
can you take it all away
well ya shoved it in my face
this pain you gave to me
Can you take it all away
can you take it all away
well ya shoved it my face

Everyone is changing
there's noone left that's real
to make up your own ending
and let me know just how you feel
cause I am lost without you
I cannot live at all
my whole world surrounds you
I stumble then I crawl

You could be my someone
you could be my scene
you know that i will save you
from all of the unclean
I wonder what you're doing
I wonder where you are
There's oceans in between us
but that's not very far

[Chorus]

Nobody told me what you thought
nobody told me what to say
everyone showed you where to turn
told you when to runaway
nobody told you where to hide
nobody told you what to say
everyone showed you where to turn
showed you when to runaway

[Chorus]

This pain you gave to me

You take it all
You take it all away...
This pain you gave to me
You take it all away
This pain you gave to me
Take it all away
This pain you gave to me

Saturday, February 11, 2006

Sat, 11 Feb 2006 04:58:00 GMT

that was depressing.

blah.

on a good note.
i got Sextrology.
and an AMAZING skirt.

and CORSET!!!

okimdone.
but still sad.
so, cry for me tonite.

peace love
sam