Howdy,

Today I arrived at Newark airport at 4:45am....There was someone waiting for me outside terminal C, but according to the email I recieved weeks ago, I was supposed to meet this person ourside terminal A at the last door.  So that is where I stood and waited, until seven thrity....when I get a phone call from someone from camp telling me they were waiting for me somewhere else....I was waiting and calling before that, and no one at camp picked up, because why would anyone here in Barryville, New York be up so early in the morning....?????? However the guy found me eventually and everything was alright.  I made it back to camp safe and sound....

So, how was is it for a first day???   I don't think lifeguarding could be any more boaring than what I am doing now.  I worked maybe a total of three hours in this entire day.  And, since I came about two weeks later then everyone I am not clicking too well with everyone.  BUT, I am in a really cool bunk, with girls that just graduated high school and are working in the office at camp.  They are really super nice to me and very accepting.  I think I am going to like it a lot here, even though I must admit that I am missing home a bunch.  I realized that once I get home to Houston I will be leaving for College Station right away.  That makes me really sad.  I won't get to spend anytime relaxing with the part of the family that I like the most.  When will I get a chance to play with motty??? and tiki bear???? I also miss the airconditioning a lot.  It is so hot and humid over here, but the pool water is still a bit chilli, and everything regarding the pool is either broken or about to be broken....tear....

I found out that less than five days AGO camp WAS flooded. How creepy, Pizza & Ishai this is especially for you....All of the councelor things that were in Machane Bet were destroyed.  And they had to take everyone in camp to stay at a hotel.  How crazy??? Now everything at camp is alright, but no one can go back to Machane Bet because of all the damadge, so Machane Alef has to safice for everyone.

I think this is all the new thrilling and exciting things I have experienced in twenty four hours of being in NY/ TY....LOL....

I love everyone HACHI HACHI baolam, and miss you all TONS and TONS!!!!

XOXO

     Shira Hetz

Currently Listening How To Save A Life By The Fray Over my Head see related

MEMO: EVERYONE

IT IS SUMMER!!!! NO SCHOOL after I finish the May - Mini - Mester.  Then its off to CALIFORNIA, then to ISRAEL, then to NEW YORK!!!! and back for SORORITY rush week!!!! I LOVE KAPPA DELTA!!!!

TOODLES!!!!

Howdy,

I got upset at my friend today....She was being an ass....I guess its because she is used to having really shity friends that don't care when they hurt other people...and so, she doesn't know what to do when she does something mean.  She totally ignored me all day.  Totally consumed by all her other friends....I was walking alone...that is how much she didn't notice, and i even called her name and everything cause she was only like ten feet away....how mean...oh, and cut me off in the middle of my story about how I failed my lifeguard screening at the rec, and brought myself back into the hiring process becuase I did something amazing.  But she never even hurd the end, because she didn't even pay attention to the fact that I stopped in the middle of the story.  Then, later she asked are you OK???

So, exciting part....I want to be a lifeguard at the school's rec center.  Its really awsome...getting to watch the swim team practice if u get hired...LOL....haha....so, there was a screening last night.  They don't tell you what they expect, they just tell you what to do.  So, we started with swimming five hundred, and it was supposed to be done in under ten minutes...I did it in 12:38. Oh, well...I kept going.  Then, we were supposed to push down to retrieve a brick from the bottom of the seventeen foot diving well.  That was hard.  I couldn't do it, cause it hurt so bad on my ears.  I tried twice, and the lady said I don't want you to hurt yourself....because I told her that I had tube surgery.  So they said just keep going through the rest of your skills.  So, then I did CPR and forgot to call 911.  Then I did the spinal and accidently hit the guys head on the sidewall. but I smacked the shit out of the written exam....LOL...so, then the supervisor calls each person out one by one, to tell them if they get an interview.  So, I was the last one done with everything so she talked to me last.  She pointed at my score, and it wasn't passing.  So, she told me that there is always next summer/fall.  I told her that by then I'll find something new to do.  She said, well your spinal score is really low, and the fact that you can't get to the bottom of the dive well, is not promising, I need to see that you can do it.  So, I told here that I would work on it, and she said, well I can practice and come back next time.  Then she said she could help me, she even has some extra time to do it right now (as in last night)....I was about to say, whatever, I can't do it....but the words that came out of my mouth sounded more like alright....Lets give it another go.  I couldn't beleive how much determination I had.  I always fooled myself into thinking I was just some stupid blond that gives up on hard things....so, the pressure was building up, cause I realized that if I do this, then I can get the job, but if I don't then I'll feel like a loser...I mean, I lost enough dance competitions to know what a loser feels like, so I dion't need ot add on incapable of lifeguarding to the list....so...I sat outside the water and looked at the block for five minutes...then got into the water and hovered over the block for a bit...then, I went for it...I pushed down, and tried to pop my ears, but it was hurting, but I was still pushing myself down...and then I was about a foot of the ground, and i was about to give up, then I realized that I was only an arms length away....I reached for the block, and poped up.  I had the brick in my hard, and the supervisor said you got the interview...it was amazing....then I swam to the sidewall, and started hypreventalating and crying, becuase i didn't think I could do it, and my ears were hurting like all hell.  I cuoldn't hear out of my right ear for the rest of the night, it sucked....but, point is I got the interview.....i thought it was absolutly amazing, and i swam to the bottom of a seventeen foot diving well....I am so proud...and there are some really cute guys that work there...so, I really hope that i will get the job....wish me luck!!!!

XOXO
    Shira Hetz

I can't get u out of my head Will....it makes me so angry...i still look for you to log onto aim everytime, I am at the computer...I know you wont be there, but i just hope that maybe someone is messing with your computer, so I can just for one second be fooled into thinking that u are still around....everyone says all these nice things about you...I check your wall everyday, and the memory book (website) that ur family created for you...that picture of u is great...it reveals everything about you....I wish one day people will be able to say such nice things about me when I pass...."I am better person for having known you", or "the world is a better place for having had u in it"...its amazing....how can so little time allow you to influence so much, so quickly....I am SO mad at you....all these people say wut great memories they have of you.....and how u manage to tease everyone, but in such a good way, that we all miss that about you.....your not around.....and I wouldn't have seen u till after the break anyways, but I would have been able to bug u online way before then....but your not here.....your not around to let us have more memories, about calculus...and how I ask stupid question, and how u hate walking across the room for nothing....I hate that u aren't around for us to make more new memories...I hate that i have to go to your memorial service tomorrow, and u not be alive to pat me on the sholder and say things will be alright, cause the memorial is for you......someone else has to comfort me....but, I'm gonna dress nice for you Will, like I did every monday becuase i knew that you would be there....that smirk you always gave me when I walked into the room a half hour late....and you would ask me wut time it was, just so you would have something to say to me.........and just to get me thinking that maybe u really were mad.....the last time I saw you, you hovered...I made fun of how white robert was, but never realized that you were way whiter than him...until Lindsey told me, and I felt bad...I appologized and you said you were just teasing.....so I hope its all still alright.....I hate that you are not around anymore....that we are just left behind to fend for ourselves....that such a great perfect guy like you went away....I am mad at the fact, that this is kinda ur fault that u aren't here....I mean, if u were in a car...you could have still been alive...so, yea, knowing this happened to you, still doesn't make me not want to have a motorcycle, but I know that you weren't so carefull on it like you should have been.....i mean, if you would have waited one more second, things could have been different.....I hate that i keep thinking about what could have been....I hate having to think about this over and over again...and when I think about it you were just my TA.....I mean yea deep down inside, I wished for more....but it wouldn't have happened until after you were done being my TA.......I hate that I never had a shot...this has to be by far the worst rejection I have ever gotten....I mean, I am not that bad that you would have to use this as your excuse...LOL....I hate how I am left behind to continue living my life without you around....I hate knowing that i will eventually move on and be really happy and excited about life again......I hate being haunted by thought of your body laying lifeless on the gravel....so, I was wondering today what ur memorial service would be like....open cascet? then I thought you would look great in a suit, but the thought of dead body of my friend infront of me would haunt me for the rest of my life...then I thought, well wouldn't your entire body be bruised and scared.....then I figured you probably broke some limbs, and would they pop it all back in place?  Its really cold in college station...I wish you were around to warm up the atmosphere.....I am so mad at you and I just want to hate you, so that this wouldn't be so hard, but I can't.....your just not a hate-able kinda guy...yea, I made up a word...wut you gonna do about it??? yea....that is what i thought...so, I maybe crazy.....but people say its perfectly normal....at the end of the day, I am sad, and feel a little bit lonely because no matter how many friends one may surround themselves with (like the tons I may have) when u lose a friend, a part of your heart is missing....it doens't matter how well we knew each other, its the fact that we knew each other...the fact that on several occasions we made each other smile...I hate that u aren't here anymore....but someone else, will take on that role, so they may not be as great as you, but they'll have to do.....until we meet again!?!

wiered thoughts.....does religion seperate us when we die? since one believes in Jesus and the other doesn't, does that mean we will never see each other after our mortal life is over? I had a great deep talk with my roomate today, and I finally know what I truly believe in....G-d is up there...and yes he works in mysteriouse ways...I will not question the honesty and dignity of his work...I just wonder? will he punish the ignorant? I mean, it doesn't seem fair to me, that becuase a child was raised to believe in something else, other than what is right, that they shouldn't be "saved"....so to speak...I mean wut is the right religion? wut makes one religion better than another? and wut exactly are we being saved from? wut happens next? I mean....you die and then wut? there is an after life...does your mind and spirit stop...do forever forget wut you are thinking right before you die? do you forget your mortal life? do waste eternity floating around? does heaven truly exist? will it be perfect or just another earth elsewhere? I mean, at a funeral  people say that the dead person is off in a better place, but are they really? wut makes us so damn sure, that when u die there is something better? I mean, we only say that to make others feel good, and then it kinda makes us feel good, because we don't want to think that after wut we have here on earth is over we go somewhere bad....think about it? wut if earth is heaven? wut if we as mortal human beings are in heaven, and we are wasting our time by thinking that there is something better? wut if there is no bigger power? wut if all the aethiests are right? wut if we are just wasting our time in praying? Well.....CONCLUSION - there has to be a greater power, there had to have been something before the big bang.....things don't just randomly explode, and there has to be something to start with to have been able to have an explosion.....everyone is equal on judgement day....no matter the religion....you shouldn't punish those who never knew.....you shouldn't punish obedience.....in the end...if we made a small positive contribution to the world, we should be rewarded with happiness.....the happiness must be equal between all.....it shouldn't depend on our achiecements in life....the achievements are only made to satisfy ourselves, and those we love not G-d....we try to make him proud....but in the end, he is like our father, and dads are always proud of their offspring.....its a parent thing.....and, about the aftermath of death...well.....we gotta think its something better! otherwise, life is really damn depressing.....imagine going through everyday with the ultimate fear of death being the worst thing....currently i think its a blessing, otherwise we would suffer from over-population......we must have questions, and fear of the unknown, but that is the greatness of life....think about it.....if you didn't have fear of something else, then life wouldn't be so great.....everyone would just be jumping of building and such.....if we were promised that after death there was something great on the otherside, wut would be keeping us wanting to linger on earth for a bit longer.....family is the most important thing....friends.....happiness....I live everyday just to learn the better meaning of a smile...yes, its corny, but I wish that you knew what it was like to wake up in the morning and smile, just because the sun was shinning....maybe you do.....I know i do.....I know that even though i have suffered through some dark days, sad moments, and said "life hates me" or "I think life is doing this to me on purpose" I don't think I have ever meant it from the bottom of my heart.....I appriciate everyday I have on this earth.....my life couldn't be anymore perfect....see, perfection isn't about the best of everything....its about the closest to the best u can have of everything.....perfect isn't realistic in its true form and meaning, but in the closest to wut could be real meaning, perfrect is exactly wut my life is....I hope that one day you will find your perfect......