shortnbitter's Xanga

didn't think i'd write one but i did. emo poem. (don't worry; it's not about you)

Thu, 03 Apr 2008 05:03:48 GMT

Thank you for helping me realize what worthless trash I am [poem]
by Dan Pham

Though she paints like Benzaiten*
Lurita's phony friends, behind her back
Say she is a terrible tattoo artist;
That she's slammed the door in the face of her miniscule costumers
that her weak tiny hands shake at the table
that she's always looking down at her scraped-up chuck taylors
that she's never even had a fuck before

But in a fetish for pain, maybe hope
There were always those who held Lurita's hand
to see how long they could survive under her needle,
to be the first to have beauty inked into their backs,
But as predicted every time,
At the session's end,
Those men received mutilated,
skinny bodies in exchange.

And always
To the lacerations put to the men's carved-up shoulder blades,
Lurita's phony friends simply replied, "I told you so;
"you should have spent your money
"at another parlor entirely
"not wasted time on mangled style which loves like rust.
"now what have you to show for it?
"coarse and leprous scabs bending
"under the sides of your abdomen.
The fools' skin stings under cold sheets
The cracking tissue bleeding into the morning
as their dreams of being a hero turn them over in bed...

But while Lurita may be inexperienced,
To be fair, those present hunchbacks are no heroes
Oh god no.

While Lurita's phony friends
Snicker at how young men's soft tender backs have turned into
Calloused reptilian skin that tenses their spines,
Under one tattoo artist's artistry
Each man feels the same,
And if they were given the chance to face Lurita again
This is what they'd say:

under your needle, Lurita
i had hoped that your inspiration could have
made me beautiful too,
but it was my own twisted flesh
that led you to cut me down;
I was not the blank canvas you had hoped for
growing up wincing
with frail bones
dense as winter sparrows

what you made of me was there before
and i did not assimilate
with the tapestry you stenciled against my skeleton;
instead, what matched--
what matched what you had inked into my skin--
was the unstoppable marring of my body
throughout the arc of my bowed-over back,
necrotic tissue eating muscle,
a moist black jelly

nearly human
you are beautiful, Lurita
turning men into monsters

*the Japanese goddess of music and fine arts

Monday, March 31, 2008

Mon, 31 Mar 2008 23:16:04 GMT

Time	Monday	Tuesday	Wednesday	Thursday	Friday
8:00AM
9:00AM		PHYE 30J (06) Weight Training Studio FITNESS/WELLNESS 9:00AM - 10:30AM		PHYE 30J (06) Weight Training Studio FITNESS/WELLNESS 9:00AM - 10:30AM	Internship at BioFinancial Corp 9AM-5PM
10:00AM	SWIMMING 10AM-11AM	PHYE 30J (06) 9:00AM - 10:30AM	SWIMMING 10AM-11AM	PHYE 30J (06) 9:00AM - 10:30AM	Internship at BioFinancial Corp 9AM-5PM
11:00AM	SWIMMING 10AM-11AM		SWIMMING 10AM-11AM		Internship at BioFinancial Corp 9AM-5PM
12:00PM	ECON 135 (01A) Corporate Finance Discussion ENGINEERING 2 192 12:30PM - 1:40PM				Internship at BioFinancial Corp 9AM-5PM
1:00PM	ECON 135 (01A) 12:30PM - 1:40PM		Internship at BioFinancial Corp 1PM-5PM		Internship at BioFinancial Corp 9AM-5PM
2:00PM		ECON 135 (01) Corporate Finance Lecture KRESGE CLRM 327 2:00PM - 3:45PM	Internship at BioFinancial Corp 1PM-5PM	ECON 135 (01) Corporate Finance Lecture KRESGE CLRM 327 2:00PM - 3:45PM	Internship at BioFinancial Corp 9AM-5PM
3:00PM	ECON 139A (01A) Electronic Commerce Discussion SOC SCI 1 161 3:30PM - 4:40PM	ECON 135 (01) 2:00PM - 3:45PM	Internship at BioFinancial Corp 1PM-5PM	ECON 135 (01) 2:00PM - 3:45PM	Internship at BioFinancial Corp 9AM-5PM
4:00PM	ECON 139A (01A) 3:30PM - 4:40PM	ECON 139A (01) Electronic Commerce Lecture KRESGE CLRM 327 4:00PM - 5:45PM	Internship at BioFinancial Corp 1PM-5PM	ECON 139A (01) Electronic Commerce Lecture KRESGE CLRM 327 4:00PM - 5:45PM	Internship at BioFinancial Corp 9AM-5PM
5:00PM		ECON 139A (01) 4:00PM - 5:45PM	Internship at BioFinancial Corp 1PM-5PM	ECON 139A (01) 4:00PM - 5:45PM	Internship at BioFinancial Corp 9AM-5PM
6:00PM

Monday, March 31, 2008

Mon, 31 Mar 2008 20:14:41 GMT

theres no faith in these words anymore

Max [poem]

Thu, 17 Jan 2008 20:50:01 GMT

Max

turning the corners
of concrete streets
we must have called out Max
a thousand times.

in the downpour,
our small cries faded
from under pettycoats & black umbrellas,
mushrooms in a storm

before we saw him
i remember the stink
it wafted about at first
the unforgettable smell
of expired red meat
defrosted and grayish-pink,

sammy's dead terrier,
dead in the concrete street
just like any other stupid roadkill,
its milky eyes
tiny hazel chinks in
a child's face,
its soaking black hair
an unmistinkably familiar wet mop
guts turned over and squeezed of all its
pulp;

Pulp.
thinly sliced red and lean
transparent enough to see the street

shit.
I think, he's dead.
Max. Dead.
our hearts sink;
Sank.

my hands are in my pockets
we haven't moved
i'm getting kinda cold.
let's look for a shovel, I suggest
dig a hole in the park or something,
we can say a few words
we'll come back tomorrow and bring flowers
i'll prepare a eulogy before bedtime.
hands dangling idly
sammy's voice replies
but it's muffled by a passing car.

time passes
and finally my friend takes one last glance before turning back;
curled up,
Max is turned on his side,
laying on a blanket of red satin silk
every muscle in his body relaxed,
his face released of tension and age
contentment despite the heavy rain

Sleep.
sammy commanded
and Max slept

its ezier to reference my xanga than my ucsc portal

Wed, 09 Jan 2008 13:51:47 GMT

Time	Monday	Tuesday	Wednesday	Thursday	Friday
8:00AM
9:00AM	ECON 100B (02) Intermed Macroecon Lecture CLASSROOM UNIT Room 001 9:30AM - 10:40AM		ECON 100B (02) Intermed Macroecon Lecture CLASSROOM UNIT Room 001 9:30AM - 10:40AM		ECON 100B (02) Intermed Macroecon Lecture CLASSROOM UNIT Room 001 9:30AM - 10:40AM
10:00AM	ECON 100B (02) 9:30AM - 10:40AM		ECON 100B (02) 9:30AM - 10:40AM		ECON 100B (02) 9:30AM - 10:40AM
11:00AM
12:00PM	ECON 136 (01) Business Strategy Lecture J BASKIN ENGINEER Room 152 12:30PM - 1:40PM	ECON 183 (01) Women in Economy Lecture PHYSICAL SCIENCES Room 110 12:00PM - 1:45PM	ECON 136 (01) Business Strategy Lecture J BASKIN ENGINEER Room 152 12:30PM - 1:40PM	ECON 183 (01) Women in Economy Lecture PHYSICAL SCIENCES Room 110 12:00PM - 1:45PM	ECON 136 (01) Business Strategy Lecture J BASKIN ENGINEER Room 152 12:30PM - 1:40PM
1:00PM	ECON 136 (01) 12:30PM - 1:40PM	ECON 183 (01) 12:00PM - 1:45PM	ECON 136 (01) 12:30PM - 1:40PM	ECON 183 (01) 12:00PM - 1:45PM	ECON 136 (01) 12:30PM - 1:40PM
2:00PM
3:00PM
4:00PM
5:00PM
6:00PM		OAKES 60 Course Assistant 6:00PM-7:45PM
7:00PM	ECON 100B (02A) Intermed Macroecon Discussion ENGINEERING 2 Room 194 7:00PM - 8:10PM
8:00PM	ECON 100B (02A) 7:00PM - 8:10PM

Friday, January 04, 2008

Fri, 04 Jan 2008 07:57:33 GMT

i walked outside

to have a cigarette

in the cold

winter air,

and the christmas lights

glowed in the dark

as the sound of traffic

passed in the night;

dont worry about

the rest of the world

i said to myself,

right now,

right now,

youve got no one

to even say

god bless you

a view from my house

Sat, 08 Dec 2007 17:36:40 GMT

Friday, October 12, 2007

Fri, 12 Oct 2007 16:29:19 GMT

im too old fashioned

time to rethink things

blasphemy or finding god in "religion"

Thu, 04 Oct 2007 04:50:47 GMT

for too long i've strayed from the Romantic fashion
but i've returned and jesus fucking christ it feels so god damn fucking good

updated

Tue, 25 Sep 2007 15:42:12 GMT

ECON113 MWF 200PM - 310PM
OAKES ACAD 105

THURS 730PM-830PM J BASKIN ENGINEER 372

ECON126 MWF 12:30PM - 1:40PM
STEVENSON ACAD 150

THURS 6-7PM ENGINEERING 2 192

HISC 102 MW 5-7PM OAKES ACAD 222