well life just seems to be getting worse.

let's see....um...my boyfriend goes to college about 45 minutes away from me at a very large university...the same university i will be attending next year, and of course, a lot of my friends from last year also go to school there. well, i received a phone call about an hour ago from my best friend with bad news. he said that one of our friends just called him and told him that she saw my boyfriend getting all over some girl at a bar.

great. just fucking great.

we spent the whole weekend together and i finally thought we were starting to mean something to each other.

on top of it all, i can't stop eating. every time i pass the fridgerator i can't help but open it and look inside.

adding to it, i've been doing homework for hours....and will be for another couple.

i'm just so dead inside. i do know if i even want to eat anymore.

i know i haven't posted on this thing for a long time but i think i should. i have been going through some insane battles with food lately and i can't take it. it's like ALL i think about is eating and not eating and working out. like right now, i can't stop thinking about food and i've already eaten, i'm satisfied, but still it's like i need something to make me feel good again, i've just been so up and down with my moods lately that i just want to be back to normal again. i think it's a combination of starting birth control again and being slightly depressed. i don't know. but i DO know that i'm not really enjoying life much anymore and if i was skinny it might help.

sigh.

i started the day well...protein shake....but then they gave me animal crackers at school (they were seriously calling me). for lunch i had a chicken ceasar salad....i had 5 bottles of water as well....and then i got home, ate a banana and some pretzels....was doing well....chewed SO MUCH GUM.....but then my mom came home with groceries....and well, it just went to shit.

it's true.

i'm back.

i threw up so much today....it rocked. but it's only because i ate too much...yuck.

i realized that i this thing helps me control myself.

i think totally have control problems.

and i'm shocked at Lindsay Lo....i mean i always thought she'd be ana but it never occured to me that she'd be mia!

holy crap i can't wait to live on my own next year and walk everywhere!

hey guys...so i have been doing pretty good...and it's particially on accident!

After thursday, a pretty low eating day, i felt awesome. Then on Friday I accidentally didn't eat breakfast, and then I had to finish an AP english essay during lunch so I didn't eat then either.When I got home I had a bowl of soup, and then purged it up. After that I ran a quick 5K. Then we went to Subway and i got a turkey wrap so my mia buddy/amazing best friend and I had a hurling party in the bathroom. haha

the only slip up i had yesterday was fries at the one and only Hooters. lol.....and of course a thrid of a UV blue bottle. yeah....me=totally wasted and having sex with a past boy toy at 5 a.m.....yeah....lol

thanks for the encouragement guys, i think that today i'm gonna workout a ton.

i just felt like updating because today i'm on a roll

b-english muffin

l-two apples

d- hot chocolate and half a bag of popcorn at the football game

i thought the two apples was awesome. haha