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| NEW SITE HERE! Im starting the second phase of this whole weight loss thing and Id rather do it on a new site. Sorry for having to make you all re-sub...but this was really something I needed to do... | | |
| Current Weight: 123.8Binged again all day yesterday and dont care so much this time. I was only up to around 124 this morning and I mean, jeez, it was Christmas - I was allowed. Haha I still fit into my smallest jeans today and had to keep pulling them up at the mall today during boxing day shopping. I feel that as long as I can maintain 120-125 pounds, Im ok for now. I still have another 20 or so pounds to go but Im gonna start that tomorrow. Im gonna get into a new mind set to start again. Im gonna pretend like NOW - its like I was always 125 pounds and NOW I need to lose some weight (like starting over from square one again but from a new start weight and a new goal weight - 105) So in order to do that, Im probably also gonna start up a new xanga tomorrow to measure progress (will post the link here tomorrow) I pigged out on so much food yesterday, had my turkey dinner, my Lindor chocolates, and my rocky road squares. I had sushi and Pot of Gold, shortbread cookies, lemon-cranberry cake, and stuffing. And it was delicious  My gf, whos super slim and skinny also pigged out like crazy and when I was over at her place tonight she was eating left over turkey dinner and crackers with cheese and sausage. I know she wont gain any crazy weight from doing that or because of her binge last night and either will I. Im still gonna keep it up at the gym (Myles bought me an mp3 player yayyy) and Im still gonna keep up with the healthy eating to get down to my new goal of 105 by February. It will happen. I just have to imagine that Im starting this all up again for the first time. So a possible new whole xanga in the am - check back for it ok??
Intake:
B: (none) - 0
L: 1/2 apple - 30
D: Spinach and chicken salad - 250
S: (none) - 0
Total: 280
Outtake:
GYM CLOSED TODAY
Mall: Shopping - 2 hours
Total: -250 | | |
| Current Weight: 119ishFirst Pic: 150lbs - Second Pic: 135lbs - Third Pic: 120lbs   
  
Stoked. I woke up this morning at Myles' place and weighed myself on his scale (which yes is a little different than mine at home since its more of a medical style one - not digital) but it landed UNDER the 120 mark so Im guessing Im something like 119.6 or something. So happy.
[NOTE:] I will 100 percent be posting before and after pics, I just need to take the after pics is all. I have some old progress ones from April when I was 130 so Ill think about adding those in so you can see the before, during, and after shots. [EDIT] Ok...DONE! [/EDIT] Im updating since its Christmas Eve and we're out in Coombs which is like a double dose of having nothing to do. I just finished showering, its like 430, Myles is organizing his room and I guess packing for Victoria a little and really we're just waiting around for bed. We're leaving here to go back to my parents' around 930 tomorrow morning so at least Ill get to sleep in a little bit. Im sleeping in a seperate bed as Myles tonight though since I can never get a good nights sleep in his. Last night was horrible and I think again I only got about 4 hours. He woke up at 830 though giving me the bed to myself and I slept soundly till around noon or so. Im so glad I hauled my futon bed up here last summer. If it wasnt for that, I would seriously be considering sleeping on the floor  Im excited for tomorrow though so we'll see how much sleep I actually end up getting. I love Christmas - it will be so so so nice to get together with everyone, see the look on their faces when they open up their presents and just have an all-round chill day. Good thing cuz then its crazy boxing day shopping which is the second most favorite thing Im looking foward to and I will most definitely need the energy
Intake:
B: Half apple - 30
L: Yogurt, blueberries - 70
D: Primo Roasted Vegetable soup - 90
S: Half apple - 30
Total: 220
Outtake:
(none)
Total: 0 | | |
| Current Weight: 122.2[EDIT] Dropped a bit more today down to just over 122 so I guess Im back on track. I did an hour at the gym again today extra hard so that should help. Ugh I cant explain how badly I felt yesterday - I felt like I had done something horrible or like I found out I had some horrible sickness. It was like being in a nightmare. Ive dreamt so many times that Ive pigged out like that but every morning when I woke up, got to be like: thank god that didnt really happen. Yesterday I couldnt say that though. I still feel weird about it and wish it didnt happen...considering what a small set-back it was I know I shouldnt feel this way. I think it was my lack of willpower and thats making me feel the sickest about it. I cant believe how I seriously couldnt stop eating. I honestly felt like I couldnt stop. Whatever - its over with and I barely went up anything in weight. I will just have to be super careful from now on though - comPLETEly learnt my lesson on that one. Off to Myles' tonight and packed a bunch of food to help get me through the next day. Hope everyone has nothing but the merriest of Christmas's - Happy Holidays to all of you!! 
[/EDIT]
Went back down to 123.0 this morning so really, I feel a little bit better. Means I really only gained about a pound, pound and a half tops which isnt as bad as first thought (you were right about the water weight) Im still off to the gym right now though and then the rest of my day should be pretty busy but hopefully I get a chance to update before I leave. Myles wants to take pictures of me tonight to show my progress (he thinks it will help since I say I cant see Ive lost the weight) I might post them up after Christmas if they turn out ok. I realllly hope Im not too dissapointed... TO DO TODAY:
[x] Gym
[ ] Library to pick up another order that came in (they were closed today)
[x] Grocery shopping
-frozen blueberries
-16 pack yogurt (they didnt have the kind I wanted)
-Primo soup
-apples
[x] Shower/bath
[x] Meet up with Dawn for coffee and gift exchange
[x] Tanning
[x] Pack for Myles'
[x] Myles at 6pm 
I like that my face has shape to it now - no more double chin and a more pronounced jawline. I have to put these pics up of myself right now instead of the usual thinspo to remind myself that I still look ok.
December 23, 2007
Intake:
B: 1/2 apple - 30
L: Yogurt and blueberries smoothie - 95
D: Primo Roasted Vegetable soup - 60
4 prawns - 25
few bites of chicken - 35
S: (none)
Total: 245
Outtake:
Gym: Elliptical - 30 mins
Gym: Treadmill - 15 mins
Gym: Bike - 5 mins
Gym: Strength Training - 5 mins
Total: -550 | | |
| FIRST BINGE 
So last night, as figured, I had my first major binge since before I started this thing. The night started out fine enough but because I havent been drinking recently, the alcohol hit me pretty hard. That, coupled with the fact that the seating arrangement was centered around the table of food, didnt help. Seriously: the chairs were arranged in a circle around the buffet of dinner and snacks - if you werent eating it, you were looking at it. I started out with a plate of just veggies but by the end of it all I had consumed more than 10 stuffed mushrooms, around 15 mini cheese and spinach pies, 2 pieces of lasagne, 2 buns with butter, potato salad, and chocolates. I ate after everyone else was finished so that even though I was drunk, I knew they were all looking at me weird. Its like: "she didnt eat one thing all night and now shes devouring food like shes never eaten in her life." I felt like saying: This is what an eating disorder looks like because today I feel like I might have one. I bawled my eyes out so many times this afternoon and worked out so hard at the gym today, my eyes were burning from the sweat that kept getting in them. I drove straight home from Myles to get to the gym today and you can bet money I will be back there tomorrow. All Ive had to eat today is a few pieces of spinach and half a red pepper and I know its all I will eat today. Tomorrow I will have an apple for breakfast, half the yogurt and fruit I normally eat, and 1 cup of soup for dinner. Thats all. The next day I will do the same. I will restrict as much as I can in the next few days until New Years and then go back to eating normally (meal replacement for breakfast, full serving of yogurt and fruit for lunch...etc etc) And why I feel I have an eating disorder is because I know I will do this. I know I wont eat properly for days until Im back down to at least 119. Why I think I have an eating disorder is because the very first thought that enters my head every single morning is: How much will I weigh today? Why I think I have an eating disorder is because I count up the calories in everything I eat days before I eat it and more than once a day (I find myself calculating my days intake at work a few times a night) I wake up in the middle of the night at Myles' house and sneak downstairs to weigh myself. Ive taken this thing too far only I know Im not even finished yet. At first I only wanted to be 115. Then it was 110, and now Im thinking more along the lines of 105. I feel like its never going to be enough and I never thought this would happen to me. I could eat anything I wanted when I was growing up - my brother and I were pin-thin as children and our family was amazed at the amount of food we could pack away without gaining a pound. I remember I used to overeat on purpose when my whole family would go out for dinner at restaurants just to 'impress' them and get attention. I never thought in my life I would ever develop an eating disorder. In high school I never ever thought I was fat. I never once looked at myself in the mirror and thought I needed to lose weight. Not once. Really it wasnt up until about 4 years ago I started to notice I was gaining. We went bungy jumping and they have to write your weight on the back of your hand so the guys with the harnesses know how much to suit you up with. My hand read 150. I remember I was so embarrassed and I was trying to hide it (keep it in my pocket, put it behind my back) and I was trying to sneak a look at other girls to see if their number was as high as mine - maybe there was a problem with the scale? But then I started to see pictures of myself having a double chin or my stomach was sticking out and my arms looked fat, and then I started to think maybe I...the kid whos whole life was filled with memories of being 'skinny', was getting fat. In 2005 I went on the Atkins diet and lost about 15 pounds. It was the start of summer and I looked awesome in my jean skirt and Brasil shirt to the bar. I was getting more attention from guys (I was single back then), people at work were noticing, and I was going walking everyday and weight training. But Saras birthday came and I binged on all the snacks and appetizers one night and never looked back. I was off the Atkins diet by morning and gained back all the weight Id lost and then some. Before Central America, Id lost 20 pounds following the same plan I am now and again - looked amazing, felt amazing, but couldnt afford to eat healthy being on a budget and not having the gym as my safety net. That time I gained 15 pounds back by the time we got home. This is my third serious attempt at losing weight and last night I slipped up a bit. I dont want to keep yo-yoing like this. I dont want my life to be based around eating and losing weight and calories and binging. I feel like the only way to stop it is to lose roughly 20 more pounds then try and maintain somewhere in the 115-105 range. I wont care when Im 105 if I binge a little. I care right now because I was getting so damn close. I was 121.2 pounds before I left the house last night. This morning I was 125.6 Four and a half pounds just like that. Thats 8-9 days until Im back to where I left off at. Im not going to cry about it anymore though. My anger is so serious right now and I know its what got me through the gym today. I was so fueled by thinking about what I ate last night and the blinking relfection of the Dominos Pizza sign flashing in the window. I feel so sick to my stomach today, I have pains in my ribs, and heartburn to no avail. Its REAL what that kind of food can do to you - today is all the proof I needed to never eat like that again.
Intake:
B: (none) - 0
L: (none) - 0
D: Spinach, red pepper - 20
S: (none) - 0
Total: 20
Outtake:
Gym: Elliptical - 30 mins
Gym: Treadmill - 20 mins
Gym: Bike - 10 mins
Gym: Strength Training - 10 mins
Total: -700 | | |
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STATS
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Height: 5'5.5"
START DATE: Nov 2 2007
Start Weight: 150.0
Current Weight: 125.0
Goal Weight: 110
UGW: 105
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