| 21... feels like 20
only my license is sideways
and people card me at bars
i get the feeling im gonna be carded for many years...
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| "I feel old"
Sometimes I say that jokingly when I see kids I used to think of as little all grown up, when my brother graduated, when I saw my cousins again after so many years and they were so much bigger.
But even if I say it with a laugh, it's always serious, always true. I feel old. Too old for being 20. Perhaps that's why God blessed me with the face of someone 5 years younger than me, so that even when I feel old, I will look young. Maybe He knew something I didnt (big shocker there). Im always surprised that the weight of the world hasnt made my face age prematurely, that I dont wake up in the morning and look in the mirror and see a face that reflects how I feel.
Does the pressure ever cease? Do people ever leave you alone? When will people realize that I cant solve all their problems, that Im not the one in charge, that Im not a parent/leader/expert/advisor?? Will they ever see me as a kid, as a 20 year old college student trying to make something of herself, as a person who has changed so much in so little time? I have long since given up hope.
I felt old today. Maybe tomorrow I wont feel that bad.
Fin
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| It must be said that the new Harry Potter book (Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows) is by far the best in the series and is, with the exception of Pride and Prejudice, my favorite book.
You should all dedicate 8 hours of your life to reading it (or however long it takes you to read it).
Fin
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| Im back it was AWESOME wanna know? just ask. i hate updating xanga... kind of worthless... |
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| Sometimes I wonder if everything I thought I was, every part I thought I knew was just one big lie that I told myself to make it through the day. I dont get the things I want, so I change what I want, thinking*believing*dreaming*praying that these new things are what Im supposed to want. But I am left empty handed. Tell me: when will what I want finally line up with what I get? I know, God, that I need to wait, and in your perfect time, everything will be made clear... but the waters have been murky for several years now, and Im still holding my breath, trying to swim and keep myself afloat.
"Twenty years, it's breaking you down
Now that you understand
there's no one around
Take a breath
just take a seat
youre falling apart
and tearing at the seams.
Heaven forbid you end up alone
and dont know why
hold on tight, wait for tomorrow
you'll be all right. "
_The Fray_ Heaven Forbid
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