its been a while. not that i dun have anything to write about, but always the same shit.

lifes funny, not funny as in haha, but funny as in never expectable. since young we always look forward for things. lookin forward to see friends, looking forward to work, looking forward to school, bleh bleh bleh. but as the years past, i guess we start to learn the concept of "its life" all those times i use to think how things can be better, how things WILL be better. but now, i have learned the concept of "its life". with all those things tath i used to hope for. with all the things i look forward to. a chinese saying " the higher we climb, the harder we fall" this is true. too much hope on something will bring us down more. funny how when i smoke, i think so much on the things i can do. but everyday i wake up and i think, "shit, i dun wanna do shit" how do ppl do it? how do those who have a family, those who give so much to thier kids to spend, how do you think? how are they able to devite so much into earning money? oppurtunities are luck, but the basis, motivation. how do you find the essence to push thier motivation?

i look at the ppl around me, friends, ppl i work with, and i compare to my self. at parts i am better, but since they make thier own money, support them selves, i know they are better than me. as a child i never thought that much, but as i grew older, i start to think TOO much.

is there a way out? is there a method i can follow? or is this life?

after getting back to hk, i became a very depressed man. family situations make me unhappy of the person i am, of the person i was. of the person i might be. dont think that much? easy to say, hard to do. when all your problems evolve around your family. its hard not to think. things i want to do for my family. things i wish i can do for my family. all thoughts. never actions. not cause i dun want to, but becaue of the situation im in.

friends i have tons, girl friends, never got the be appriciated, or never appriciated those who i had. family, long story. i know they love me, they know i love them. but its not all that. love doesnt blind everything. love only helps emphesis.

i wish i had a choice of being born or not. a contact in what will happen or what will not happen. lol i wish.

im a supporter, im a lover. always one to come to when problems occur. the pain i have for taking this role. the pain i have for wanting the things i want. simple things. to be loved.

in a pshyc view, having a relationship will help, but in my opinion. how do you love, when you cant even love your self.?

..... just thoughts.

ps. im not gonna check for gammer, spellnig or any of those. just thoughts. think > type.