“I want to be somebody’s first choice.”

I have rediscovered Xanga. And now, it seems to play nicely with my internet connection, so who knows, maybe it’ll stick this time?

I’m feeling incredibly run down. Between work, school, and the house, I feel like I have no time to relax and recharge. I know that’s complete bs, especially since now I don’t go to the gym five days a week because of my knee dislocation, but that’s how I feel nonetheless. It’s why I’m not looking forward to going to work tomorrow. I just feel like I haven’t had time to recharge this weekend. Or last weekend. Or the weekend before that. Or next weekend for that matter. I don’t know when the next time I’ll get a chance to actually relax will be. The bum knee isn’t helping. I feel so twitchy and stressed and all because I can’t do shit. I was ecstatic just to be able to bag grass today and mulch the garden. It’s freaking sad. At least I’m off crutches. And I can drive the Mini again. So… silver lining? Maybe?

Ugh, screw it, I’m going to bed.

Xanga, I love you, but my internet connection, she does not.  How do I get my low bandwidth Xanga editor back?

The wedding site (it’ll hopefully be a bit greener in the fall – this pic was taken in early spring)

The reception site, exterior

Reception site, interior

Reception site, interior (the other end). This will be the end the head table will be at.

And the wedding cake topper that cracks me up!

wtf, KBR.  Question 1 – Were you planning on TELLING us that our latrines were closed? Question 2 – When, exactly, were you planning on telling us the GOD DAMNED CODE to the open latrine??  Question 3 – Do you REALLY think putting locks on the latrine doors is going to stop sexual assaults in them??? THOUSANDS of people have that code – the housing staff, the cleaning staff, the maintanance staff, the women who use them.  Do you REALLY think that code isn’t going to be widely known by EVERYBODY within the week??  Why don’t you go ahead and crush whatever good idea fairy is on your shoulder, KBR, before you fuck up something else. 

I fucking hate this place.  I hate the country.  I hate the people.  Let them kill each other off and save us the trouble.  They can’t even properly install a god damn shower head.  Does it make any fucking sense for the water stream to shoot directly across the stall onto the opposite wall??  Really??? 

Fuck this.  I can’t wait to get the fuck out of this hell hole.  Thank god I’ll never be back. 

I miss home.  And Greg.  

I lie in bed at night – but it’s not really night, it’s actually broad daylight, and sunlight is creeping around the edges of the black plastic I have hung over my window.  I’m trying to sleep, but my body says I should be up and out, despite that I’ve done this every day for the past four months.  The A/C is loud, the generator is louder, but neither drowns out my dayshifter roommate getting ready for work.  An hour later, the door slams, and I’m alone, but I’m also still awake.  I’ve put on my sleeping mask to block out the sunlight and the bedside lamp my roommate had on.  Don’t really need it now, but she’ll be back around noon, and I will then.  I keep it on.  My brain won’t shut up.  Things I should of done and conversations I have yet to have play in my mind.  I push them out, think of nothing but the blackness behind my eyes.  Is that someone playing bag band?  No, that’s just my mind playing tricks on my hearing.  Or is it? No, no one lives close enough to me.  And it’s too early for that shit.  Or maybe it’s not, I swear that’s a trombone I hear.  Or maybe a baritone?  No, seriously, quit it.  You’re supposed to be sleeping.  Deep breath in, tension out.  Stop thinking.  It’s time to sleep. … Why the hell am I still awake??  Ah yes, god hates me.  I wonder if I’m the only one who hears music in white noise?  If I concentrate hard enough, and can tell the tone I think I’m hearing is coming from the A/C.  And that bass is just the generator turning.  But where the hell is that trombone coming from??

*sigh* It rained outside.  Looks like it’s going to be another couple of muddy days… I hate rain.  At least, I hate rain in Iraq.  Not that it’ll matter too much.  The only place I go these days is work, DFAC, and the latrine.  I injured my back about a week ago, and since, then, I’ve been surviving on Flexiral.  It makes me fuzzy and completely unmotivated.  Plus I can’t go to the gym because of my back.  I feel like a lazy sluggard.  Life sucks.  Went back to the doc, and he says it’s definitely a pulled muscle, so there’s not really anything he can do about it.  Arg. I hate feeling fuzzy, but my back kills if I don’t take the Flexiral.  Definitely sucking.

later

I’m going to try and post more frequently.  I brought my hardbound diary with me to Iraq, but I don’t seem to be using it much, and the same goes for Xanga.  I’m spending a lot of time on Facebook, but there’s always stuff I don’t particularly want to publish there, so I think I’m going to be hitting Xanga a bit more frequently.  At least I’m going to try.

In Other News…

I started working on a M.S. in Mental Health Counseling.  I’m going through Walden U because they offer a lot of classes online.  I’m hoping that the originator of my diploma won’t matter to employers… After all, I do still have to do 2 x 6 day practicums, and a 1000 hour internship, which is more than  my state requires for licensure.  Ah well, if nothing else, I know the Army doesn’t care.

later