Still quiet.

Still sad.

And a little bored.

Blessed Be

Hey... I'm here.  Just nothing to say... a funk still hangs over me like, well, a funk. 

Dori is amazing.  She herself gave me words which helped... "it isn't that I won't go on; to feel genuine joy again... it's just that I am really going to miss her."

Yesterday, I had lunch with my beautiful daughter at work and I felt joy.  A quiet joy that doesn't leave me feeling guilty or ashamed.  Just grateful, happy, content and reverent joy. 

I need to get ready for work and then... 2 days off.  Gardening chores, baking to be done.  Sugar... I need carbs.  Will post a real post soon...

~ Blessed Be ~

My heart is broken.  My wonderful friend, Dori, has suffered a tragic loss.  Her beautiful, fabulous, hilarious daughter died this morning.  I have no words.  No words for her.  Not even words for me.  "It isn't fair,"  I heard through her tears. 

No.  Not fair at all.

I keep holding my breath, waiting for the pain to stop.  And then, I think, if I hurt this bad, how will Dori do this?  Is this possible?  How is this done?  How does one wake up, brush their teeth, start the car?  I just have no words at all.

I love you, Dori.

I rarely spring clean.  It's more like a spring clearing.  I go through the house, one room at a time, finding whatever it is that offends me and whoosh... out it goes.  My goal is to just continue shedding anything that is not part of my bliss; something I love.  I don't love stacks of old flyers and credit card offers that never made it to the shredder.  I don't love dusty, half used, dollar store candles.  I don't love broken bits of pencils and leaky pens that fall out of my sons' backpacks.  

It is hard for me to focus while I try to clear out crap.  When it's sunny outside, I feel like I should go out and do work in the garden.  But once I get out there, the ground is soft, the air is damp and the breeze is too cool.  Hmm... perhaps I should go back inside.  I go inside, make a cup of tea and look outside.  Hmm...

Today's forecast states it will be partly sunny today with a slight chance of afternoon showers and a high in the lower 50's.  Yep.  I need to stay inside and get some of this stuff done.  (Sigh).  My basement is the worse it has ever been.  I think.  It's pretty bad.  As I face a day of nagging, petty tasks, I try to remind my self that the sacred is found in the mundane.

The sacred is found in the mundane.

The sacred is found in the mundane.

(Sigh).

Below is a response I posted on my local 'natural family' group.  The question posted was "are any of you preparing for the upcoming food shortage?"  Seeing as I  haven't posted a real blog here in quite awhile, I will self-plagerize and paste my response here:

I have a few book recommendations:

Emergency Food Storage and Survival Handbook by Peggy Dianne Layton

Encyclopedia for Country Living by the late (and great) Carla Emery

The Complete Tightwad Gazette by Amy Dycyzen. (check the spelling on that last name ;^)

These are three books that will really spell it out for you in very easy terms.  (No math!)

I find in times like these, I am actually grateful to have been 'financially challenged' my entire life.  I know what real hunger is; I grew up really hungry.  I have spent winters without a coat and summers in a heat-riddled trailer.  Comfort is relative.  Now with fuel heading towards unavailabilty, I am grateful (so very very grateful) that the 2 vehicles my husband and I own are paid for... they may break down often and they are u-g-l-y but I don't know how anyone manages a car payment, full coverage insurance, maintenance and fuel.  We could not do it.

Our basement has a utility area which we long ago converted into an overflow pantry.  My canning supplies are kept there as well.  Bob and I are expanding this area over the next few months and converting one small area to a root cellar as well as a vermicomposting bin.  Food production has been elevated from my hobby to a family activity.  Oh, btw, this is not (NOT) an organized, neat and tidy area.  It is a piled up mess!  But it serves the purpose of storing excess food and canning supplies, not being featured in Martha Stewart's magazine.  If I find some shelves for free on the side of the road, I will pick 'em up.  Until then... it's all in stacks up against the wall!

I don't suggest storing large amount of meat in a freezer due to power issues.  Generators will be pretty useless when fuel becomes unavailable.  I have a freezer but at this time I use it mostly for bread (bought in bulk at the bread store) and excess veggies.  The safest means of food storage is (think of before electricity) drying, root cellaring and canning.  Chicken and beef can be cooked down and then pressure canned.  Beans, beans, beans.  Even if you don't like them, if you are really hungry, you will eat them.  Store in glass jars, not plastic bags.  My newest prize posession is my Squeezo for making applesauce, tomato sauce and juice, etc.  Watch freecycle, craigslist and garage sales for canning jars, canning books, supplies.   

I understand it may be really frustrating to someone who lives in a small area (or rented area) to hear a "home owner" talk about gardening and root cellaring.  Really, I don't own my home, either.  I 'rent' my house from the bank.  With that said... challenge yourself to look beyond the garden you can't have or the space you don't have available. 

Find somewhere you can garden.  I love Katie's secret herb garden.  I am all about civil disobiendance when my family's well being is involved.  Ask a friend who does have a garden to let you help, contribute and glean.  Offer to work for food :)

Storage is one of those things... I have never understood it when people say "I just don't have room to store extra ___" because if you have a place to sleep, sit, poop... well... you have some type of shelter, right?  Unless a person is actually homeless... they do have room.  Now, is it conventional storage area?  Maybe not.  But, well, it's not all about 'the pretty'.  Stack cases of food up along your livingroom wall if need be!  Move your couch in ten inches and stack teepee, water, etc. behind the couch.  Batteries can be put in your sock drawer.  See what I'm saying?  I grew up with blankets up against the walls and plastic on the windows just to keep warm.  People can get by and make do with far less beauty, style and convienance.

Now, I'm off to drive my Hummer to Starbuck's for a cappy... just kidding!