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| L "he'll find out eventually"
J "you usually figure that out pretty soon about a person"
L "so, what am i going to find out about you?"
J "that i'm hard to live with"
L "don't tell me that!"
J "i'm kidding, i think i'll be good to live with."
L "what else?"
J "that i'll make a good daddy, and i'll do the yard work- if you're lucky"
something about that made my day | | |
| i miss daddy, and somehow it just continues to get worse. for the first time, jesse's father gave me a deep sadness. sometimes i can't help but envy those who can hug and kiss and share time with their father. seeing jesse and his father work on mom's car together brought tears to my eyes. i remember the last night that i recall hearing him tell me he loved me, and how it was one of the worst nights of my life. i wish i could go back now and hug him, hug him so tight and tell him that i loved him. i treated my father horribly and i will never forgive myself. so where is he now? how can somebody just be gone, just like that? i remember holding his hand and wondering what was next. i remember staring at him and praying he would just open his eyes so that we wouldn't have to say goodbye. i remember the train of thoughts running through my head when he was gone. he wont be there when i get my first car, he wont move me into my first apartment, he wont walk me down the isle, he wont meet my first child. | | |
| "JESUS"
you make me SICK.
"lia! jerry isn't used to all this swearing"
all i said was "jesus"
and i know some people don't like the "negative" use of that word
but come on mom, let's be a little real
i don't give a fuck what jerry is used to
this is MY house
not jerry's mother fucking house
he is more than welcome to leave
and never come back
mmk?
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| up northseeing that tonight was already so hard, i can't imagine the rest of the week. somehow i'm alone in a house of many people. vanessa and mike upstairs in their room, mom and jerry on a walk. here i sit, alone. i've realized that i have grown to need you here every day. this is my house, but no longer my home. my mom is never home, and even when she is, she still isn't here. you're my family now. | | |
| when your heart is resting in the pit of your stomach
and it feels like somebody is trying to twist it until it pops
and you cry when half of your 39 cent orange double-popsicle
breaks apart as it falls between the couch cushions
yeah? it's one of those days.
and i'm tempted to climb into bed and devour a pound of chocolate.
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