okay so everytime i go to update this i'm always like "I haven't written on this in forever" because i mean i really haven't. but since noone ever reads it anymore then why the hell shouldn't i? i mean, it can be a diary :) that helps.

so the last time i typedddd here i had a boyfriend, no girl bestfriend, and no life? wow have things have changed.
on Christmas Eve it was me and my exboyfriends ten month anniversary, everything was fine and then BOOM the day before New Years Eve he brakes up with me. he said it was because of "family problems, school, and basketball" well we all know where that ends up. then the day after he broke up with me he was calling my exbestfriend telling her he still loved her and that he wanted to be with her again and blahdidah. welll she was pissed because like four days after he broke up with me he got a girlfriend that wasn't her! hahahaha. so we talked a bunch of junk about him, she told me that he had cheated on me, had a girlfriend when we first started going out, and said i was clingy. well i believe it all. so then i talked to one of his friends about it and she was like "yeahh, he's known to have two girlfriends at a time-invite on to one event and one to another so that they'd never have to meet." and that made me laugh real hard because he had another girlfriend at the beginning of our relationship. and then she was like "when he told everyone that ya'll broke up noone believed him because ya'll were so cute and he came into school bragging about it and his friend was like "dude that's nothing to brag about"" and i just sat there and said all this stuff about him and then was like "sorry that i'm trashing your friend but yeah" and she goes "well he's not a really good friend, we've never been that close." and so yeah yeah yeah. and then like i told my exbestfriend all of this and she was all for hating him. up until wednesday when she was at a game i didn't have to go to. and my other friend informed me that she was texting him the whole time and she was like "i don't know if were going to start going back out but i forgave him. the only thing i'd be worried about is him cheating me" and she was told "well considering the fact that you KNOW he cheated on timberley and he's talking to you right now when he has a girlfriend what do you expect." well then she was texting him at the game on friday as well, and she was trying to hide it. I HAVE FREAKING 20/20 VISION AND I'M NOT STUPID! hahahahaha. and then like he would still call me and stuff and i'm like well how the hell am i supposed to get over him if he doesn't leave me the fuck alone? exactly. so i texted him this past thursday and this was the conversation.

i'm first
-Goodnight
-"night?"
-thanks for the question mark
-"thanks for randomly texting me when we don't talk anymore"
-Jordan you're the one that told me you'd call me when you calmed down
-"i'm sorry timberley but i'm never going to have an answer for you." (about why he broke up with me)
-i'd just like the truth for once.

and then my friend blessed me out for texting him, my mom CUSSED me out for texting him. and then like friday of this past week me and danielle and andrew and antwonne and my mom and alsion went to starbucks and he texted me and was like "you're coming to my game on thursday?" (i am because i have friends at his school, i'm not going for him.) and i was like "why does it matter if i do or not?" and he goes "******* told me" and i was like "why does it matter" and he was like "whatever screw you"
and so i called him and was like "what was up with that" and he was like " you're disrespecting me by "blahblahblah and i was like "that is not disrespecting you?!" lalala. hungup. and i was like "it's impossible to be your friend unless i know why Jordan. so until you grow up and tell me the truth it's always going to be like this" and he was like "well i'm sorry" so i said "whatever" and then he was like "oh and give my stuff to my mom not me" and i'm not, i'm mailing it. hahahaha. anywayssss. then i saw some people today that go to his school

and i was telling them how he lied to me about having cancer -they laughed at me for believeing him.
and how he had a girlfriend when we started to go out - they laughed at me for not knowing.

and then i asked if he was going around telling people that i broke up with him because of what someone asked me. and they were like "well at first he said you did but then people started making fun of him because he got dumped and so he told us the truth that he broke up with you and we didn't believe him at first because you're so pretty" and blahblahblah.

and thennnn they were like "he's not known to have two girlfriends at a time he's known to have like three or four." and just all this stuff and so i was like laughing.

i mean i can't honestly say i'm completely over him but hey, it's getting easier and easier everyday and everytime i hear something new. i want to be his friend but even if i did find out why he broke up with me after all i've heard i still believe it'd be completely impossible. but i hope him and her get what's coming to them.

and there's people that were there and have been there for me since the day he broke up with me, and for them i thank for that.

-danielle, brooke, amber, Matthew, dylan, rachel, Logeeeyyy, grandmaw :), allison, antwonne, andrew, garrett, and alot more.

but most importantly..

MY MOM AND DAD

i've also learned alot. i'm stronger now thanks to God. I know he put me through this and is still putting me through this for a reason. and whatever the reason and the outcome of it all may be, i trust him. whole heartedly i trust him.

as for everything else, i'm living life a little. i can breath now, i can walk on eggshells loudly, i can live. and i'm staying single for a long while, i'm embracing life and loving every minute of it.

-i know you did not just read all of that, this is a vent.

since like no one ever reads this thing anymore, i thought i'd vent out some things for people who just get bored and read it sometimes. i'm not using any names but i'm going to talk about some things.

i hate how like i have no life. i have no bestfriends, even though i say i do. i really don't have that many friends if you think about it. which i mean it's whatever. but the friends i do call bestfriends, aren't really. i never hang out with them on a regular basis. i feel like i'm always being replaced by them. i have GUY bestfriends. but i mean i'm not going to hangout with guys 24/7 so it's easier to have guy bestfriends. even though they care nothing bout the drama, they still tend to listen. and they do whatever they can to try and make you smile. for them i'm thankful. jordan, he's my bestfriend. my parents, they're my bestfriends. but i really have no GIRL bestfriends, is that a bad thing? like i'm not even complaining. you think with what all i'm saying i'm saying it like it's a bad thing? my life is no where near bad. it's like, not even close. it's amazing, wonderful, not quite perfect. but it's great. i just wish i had a best GIRL friend that i could spend time with all the time, with my boyfriend as well without having to feel like they're flirting behind my back. or without having to worry about leaving my boyfriend and my bestfriend in the same room together. i get paraniod way too easily way too fast. and i'm just tired of not having a best girl friend that i can spend just as much time with as i do with my boyfriend. i just want one, that won't like ditch me to hangout with other people. just one, that would rather hangout with me than this girl she hasn't hungout with in a few months. i want one person to be my bestfriend that i know won't get negatively influenced by someone else just because they want to look cool. even though they probably won't hangout with that person for another five months. is that so much to ask?

i don't know, i have a headache, and i need to go spend some time
with my parents. so whoever reads this, kudoes to you :). haha i'm out.

People annoy me. :]

okay and.

highschool's a lot better than middle school.

i went to the movies friday. with Luke and Karly and Clark. ahaha Luke was so hyper. We were in the back and MR MYERS! was in there. He's lost entirely too much weight i think. But anyways. Luke was like singing. And at one point during the movie he fell in the floor and just layed there for like a few minutes. I saw Brandon before we went into the movie. oh and Emily. ahh i havent seen her since like the last time i went skating which was like two or three weeks ago. i love her. shes such a sweetheart.

Saturday i woke up late because i went to bed at like three friday night. I helped my mom clean some and then we picked up kirstie. Headed over to EDHS for my mom's cheerleader's game. and they got beat BAD. Bryce called me. i love him to death. He wanted me to go to everybody's day and hang out with him and Mason and Andrew and some kidd that i didnt know. I probably would have if i didnt already promise to help my mom with her game. So i went there instead. Afterwards my mom was talking to my cousin and the rest of the family that came to watch Jessica and me and kirstie just layed out in the middle of the parking lot. While this little kidd that looked like eleven kept on saying hey to us. and we were like uhh whatever. THIS KID WITH FOOTBALL CLEETS STEPPED ON MY FOOT. it was funny. and Garrett hit me in the head with a football. or maybe it was Andrew. idk.

Sunday we went to Pembroke College for my sister. See her birthday was thursday and so we had some family go up there to throw her a party. It was me, mom, dad, britt, michael, jenn, angie, and jessica. Not all in the same car ofcourse. it was me, mom, dad, and britt in one car. and then the rest in the car behind us following us the whole way. we stopped and got breakfast. And then we were all acting crazy. We got there ; met everyone again. Had cake and stuff. And i went to the computer lab. I was going to go to the beach for the rest of the day  but my dad figured i should just stay with them. So i bowled. In which i havent done since i was literally three. it was interesting. i sucked. then we came back home. [2 and a half hour drive there and back. so five hours total]
got home and just layed around. And then talked to DJ for like thirty minutes. He is crazy. Then talked to Michael for like ever. got off the phone with him. DJ called back and i talked to him for like an hour or until like 11 or 12 and then my diddy told me to get off the phone. so i went to bedddd.

Woke up this morning around like elevenish. and ive just been laying around all day. whoo.

leave comments.

yeah well

saturday was gay.

im sorry for those of you i lied to. im not perfect. neither are you. so get over the fact that i "lied". i was trying to do the right thing. in which i think i did. so like i said, move on with your lives. i have. and then for some people to tell me not to go and run my mouth in which i didnt [i only told people that asked. like nicole said "if they ask me im not going to lie and say we just sat there playing duck duck goose] and then they go and run their mouths theirselves. saying that me nicole and whitney are whores. thats real mature. but whatever. im over it. and im just going to stop it.

im glad i have real people in my life i can depend on.
and leave my mom out of the situation.
shes my parent. shes older than you and she can do and say whatever in the hell she pleases.
[oh and looky there. no threats in my entry. amazing. .]

i love nicole and whitney for understanding.

p.s. it would help if you didnt talk about me behind my back and then try to be my friend [winks*]