hm... so yesterday at work, these people came into Applebees and wanted a table. there were six of them, and we were rather full. i told them if they waited just 10 min. i could get them a table where they could all sit together. only TEN MINUTES. another party of six came in right after them, but two of them were babies. it was a little easier to sit them since i could just pull up two high chairs. but the first party saw this, got even more angry and left. as they left, one them called me retarded as he walked out. they fucking pissed me off, but of course i tried to restrain it, and just yelled saying i didn't really appreciate that. haha not the greatest come back i know. but still, am i right to be mad? i've taken so much shit in my life, bein the pushover type of guy and gettin racist insults. i took it all them time telling myself its not worth it. but it gets me everytime still. i talked about this with my brother, but he just said i shouldn't have taken it personally because applebees is a low quality place and the people that come in are just gonna be low class like that anyways. but does that make it okay then? i mean, shouldn't one give another person some respect? i mean if you're gonna insult me, at least wait to do it later. seriously. i dunno...i just aggravates me. i have a hard time letting things like this go. a couple years ago, i worked at this IHOP in fayetteville. the cooks started calling me "chino" or chinese. i would correct them numerous times and try different ways to stop it. i would try to ignore it, correct them or just try to be okay with it. but i couldn't take it anymore. i started insulting them back and it just got worse. i would tell the managers but it barely did anything. one of the managers there would jokingly call me it too. it still pissed me off. after a while i seriously snapped and got into three huge confrontations. haha good times. one of the confrontations was up front in front of the customers. yeaaaa not the smartest move i know, but i was pretty blinded by fury. i dunno...i just hate taking shit all the time. i suppose its immature on my part to let it affect me...gah whatever...
this is exam week! one down and about three more to go. the summer is almost here and i feel kinda ready for it. hopefully i'll enjoy this summer. i'm spending it in raleigh all summer long. it should be interesting living on my own. as the year winds down, i look back and i really enjoyed this year. it was quite interesting. i like to believe i've matured a bit. i had some weird girl problems but i got over them. grades were decent i guess. been into new things like different music, fashion, and lifestyles.
i'm in a weird mindsite i think right now. for some reason i feel like just gettin away for awhile. from everything and go into a hermit mode. i dunno. maybe its just a passing feeling. we'll see. the other day i gave a speech on racism. i realize that that's one of the few things i really do care about. haha me actually takin a stand on something. wooooow. ever feel like everything is just swirling around you? as if you're just standing there alone while the world of things just pass by you and it seems so overwhelming. and all the problems or feelings you have are so insignificant to what's really going on in life. so you try to push them down and try to the mentality that your problems aren't that big of deal. i feel that a lot. especially when i'm walking to class and i'll notice all the chaos that goes on. people having their own conversations while walking to class, the cars in streets trying to get somewhere, other kids sitting waiting for the bus, others just sitting thinking about what to do, teachers in classes trying to teach, students taking notes and worrying about the next test, people eating in the atrium between classes, and while others are in the library cramming to study. so much goes on while i'm merely walking back from class doing nothing but watching everyone/thing else. kind of makes me want to be something better or significant. i dunno. i'm just babbling. time to go back to work.
