Hi girls,

So I'm at my lowest weight EVER 5"5 103.8lbs. Not without a stomach virus of course. I felt like I was going to die on Friday night, I must have thrown up like 30 times, not to mention I had the worst diareah(sp). Anyway then yesterday I woke up and I was feeling a little better for like 5 minutes, so I weighed myself, and I'm like...wow I lost like 5 lbs. But then I felt like crap again. Not because of the weight but just sick and stuff. So I didnt go to work since I was up all night, and I only threw up like 5 times yesterday and I was able to keep down a cup of jello,a piece of toast and a banana. But I slept like so much yesterday and then I still went to bed last night and slept till like 10am today, and thats only cause my mom woke me up to see how I was feeling. I'm like really sick.

But anyway my body is so thin its really weird, I feel really weak and I cant move around a lot without feeling sick, but it just makes me look even more fragile. I'm feeling better so far this morning and I'm hoping that getting sick and not being able to eat for a few days will actually help me, bc I've been eating a lot of snacks lately so this should get me out of the habit. I want to weigh myself today, but I need to be careful, if my mom knows what I'm doing shit will hit the fan. She was saying yesterday how I was so thin and how thats why we need a lil bit of fat reserve on our bodies, and like my body has no way to recover bc I'm too thin. So if she saw that I was getting off on losing weight she'd freak out.

My bf has been by my side the whole time. Like sitting behind me while I throw up, holding back my hair, rubbing my back, emptying my puke bucket...Not to mention he waits on me hand and foot getting me drinks, or the food I ate yesterday, but most of all just constantly asking me if I'm comfortable or what he can do for me. Hes always really sweet and always takes care of me, but I definately saw like these are qualities that will make him a wonderful husband and father like when I'm sick or if our kids are sick.  We talk about getting married all the time, but you know how guys are when stuff gets gross they cant deal, he was just there for me and it was wonderful.

I hope you girls had a better weekend then me!

LOVE JEN

Hey girls...

So I'm kinda mad, and ur not even going to believe why I'm mad. Because honestly it sounds like a good thing. So I bought one pair of Jeans from A&F that were a 2R then like a week and half later they were 2 big, everyone at work was like...oh yeah our jeans stretch...great. So I try on a 0R and buy those in a different color and everything and they are super cute. BUT now they are too big. Now I realize they stretched too...but this is obviously because I'm losing weight, which is awesome...but this is annoying because I just want jeans that fit and look hot. So now tomorrow I have to go and try on 00R...and see what they look like. I know some girls are probably reading this and thinking I'm a lucky bitch and this is a stupid problem, but I'm looking at it as more of a money issue and clothes to wear issue. Bring on the skinnyness obviously!

Anyway sunday is always such a lazy day for me. I went for my bath, I always exfoliate and then shower and then blow dry my hair and then go spray tanning. I'm feeling a little lazy right now. Which is annoying. I feel like for most girls on here being skinny is the most important thing. For me all I want in life is to be skinny, blonde and tan its like this 3 fold effect. I'm constantly painting my toes and finger nails, getting my hair done, going spray tanning once a week. Making sure my make up always looks perfect but really natural. Its hard trying to be perfect all the time. When I was in college I would try to be the perfect student. I cant help it. Its just who I am. Being thin is like one part of my fucked up life where I try to get all my ducks in a row. Although if I'm not thin then nothing will be quite right unfortunately.

I often look back at my life and try to wonder was I ever perfect. Was there a time, a weight, when I looked just absolutely beautiful. Its probably been twice in my life and I weighed what I weigh now. The difference now is that one of those times I was going real tanning so I liked my body better than going spray tanning, but I do this now cause its healthier. And now my hair is alot blondier and longer, which I like better. So could I be at my prettiest? Do I worry about this more than you girls do?

xoxox

Hey girls...

So today I weighed my lowest in like years...are you ready 107.2lbs...wow. I've been platued at 108.0 for awhile so I got so friggen excited when I saw 107.2. Also that was at 11:30 and then I had to go to work, but I know if I waiting to weigh myself until like 2pm...I would have been thinner.

So the best part is I actually feel thinner. Its amazing how when your really thin and you lose a lb or 2 you see where you lose it like wow, but if you weigh like 350lbs, and you lose 20lbs which is a lot of weight no one even notices. So if you are bigger, use that as motivation sometimes it feels like your getting no where, but you are, and all those lbs add up until you are gorgeous and skinny, I know I once weighed 146lbs...yikes.

So anyway my legs feel smaller, all the bones in my back are showing like even more, and overall I just feel like smaller, which is amazing and I love it. And at the same time, I work at a place where beauty and thinness is key, and I dont feel like there are girls who are prettier or skinnier than me, which is sucha plus. I mean there are a few girls that are skinnier, but they are the type that dont try I think, and even still they arent that much skinnier than me, not enuf for me to be jealous. I guess thats the biggest thing, I'm not jealous of anyone. But people say things to me like...your so skinny or your boobs are so big, or you have such pretty eyes. It feels nice...

GIRLS THERE IS LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL...

LOVE YOU ALL!!

New Clothes

size small

and 2 other really cute shirts...but I cant find them online...= (