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| .I haven't been updating a lot or even commenting back. I'm sorry girls<3
My eating has been just flat out gross. I'm going to starve overtime in the summer.
I kind of want a job to take up my time, but I don't want to wake up at 6am every morning like I do now.
Does anyone know about those drink that can make you eat up to 30% less?
I always see the commercial and I think I might try them.
I want a boyyy so bad:[
a 'hardcore' boy as my mom would call them
stretched lobes, black dyed hair[or any color but black looks really nice to me:]], and not terribly skinny but not fat, in the middle kind of boy.
If I make it to 100lbs or less by Warped tour which is sometime in July I think, I will find a boy on myspace and meet him there ;] lmao pathetic i know.
I've been in a bad mood lately and I needed to just complain here
Thank you girls for being there for me and giving me support:]
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| i hate men and food.Apparently my "ex boyfriend" aka the one who I was crying pathetically about yesterday is talking shit about me on the stuff I told him(cutting, disordered eating,my dad) so I plan to confront him about this, the way he broke up with me, on aim. My friend was like "dude girl you should kick him in the balls" I mean I do/did want to do that but now I just want to handle things in a mature manner, I am in 9th grade so I should start doing that.
Lately I had so much self control. I think its the fact he broke up with me and last night all I did was look at thinspo.
I think I might want to try stacker 3? I'm not sure if I'm completely sure about this, but everyone who has taken them was happy with the results. Anyone ever take them before?
I know most of my posts have been sucking badly.
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| fuck men.the boy asked me out last night. i said yes. we talked till 11. i saw him today in school. he broke up with me after school via aim.
i told him he was amazing and how cute he was.
i'm a liar.
he's ugly.
i told him everything, about how i don't cut anymore, my disordered eating, about my dad. EVERYTHING
and he decided that wasn't good enough.
fuck it
i'll find a nice boy to be content with during summer, when i'm skinny.
i seriously don't know why i'm crying.
i don't feel like capitalizing anything.
things are probably misspelled too, whatever.
i will forever hate may 5th 2008.
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| I love her like pussy, money, weed.That one boy I've been talking about, well we never hung out. Oh well. I found a new boy, who isn't cute again at all, but he's probably one of the nicest boys ever. He even dealt with me while I complained about dumb stuff so he's obviously a keeper:] aha well we're supposed to chill tomorrow but I have absolutely no clue if we are def chillin or not. I don't know what to wear, once again. At least this boy is closer to my age and he even goes to my school so I'd be able to see him during classes. He asks me if I like like him, I always say no. I feel bad because he always tells me how hes developing feelings for me. I also feel bad because when he tells me I'm beautiful, pretty, etc I always say I'm not. dshfuf I'm so bad at accepting compliments because I don't believe that I'm beautiful or anything:/. I haven't talked to him since yesterday afternoon. I miss him. I think I'm developing feelings for him. I don't know if its good or bad.
Things at my house are just terrible. My mom told me we're moving out as soon as school gets out so I don't have to change bus stops or schools, and so she doesn't have to drive me to school every day and pick me up, which is a waste of gas. We're only getting a small apartment, I guess. I don't really know though, it won't be a house or anything though, because it'd only be me and my mom. I seriously can't wait. Though I must say I won't be able to be with friends a lot, unless of course i move near them, which would make me sad. I will be able to work out move and have more fasts then I would be able to do if I still lived with my dad because he would bring me food and stuff.
I thought I was content with my life till my dad told me that I should tell someone who cares.
I bawled my eyes out after that. It was my first actual conversation with him that was just like daughter on father, I don't know how to explain it, but he told me I could go to him and tell him anything so I did that and I got "I really don't care, you should tell someone who cares" out of it
Whatever he'll care when I'm gone=]
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| I'm confused=[The boy said he can't come hang out today so we're going to hang out tomorrow.
Tonight I'm going to try to get a hair cut or atleast a trimming of my hair.
I'm so nervous and scared, it's not even funny.
When we hang out both times I'm not going to eat in front of him and I'm not going to go in the bathroom and stuff my face, I will simply starve. If I get sick from going on the rides on an empty stomach, then so be it. I hatehatehateHATE eating infront of boys, ugly or cute. It just idk bothers me? It makes me feel like a failure.
I still have NO CLUE what I'm going to wear when we go on Saturday or when we hang out tomorrow, if we still do. I'm so confused on what to wear:[
hfdskjakdsfcxhn! I think i might just wear pants? maybe a dress on the day we hang out, but probably not, I obviously don't want him in my pants or thinking he can get it from me.
Thank you for all your replies girls<3
They all helped a little bit<3
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