Tuesday, July 22, 2008

• slightly more coherent...

  ..and it is with a sort of cajoled acquiescence that I admit there's nothing at this point I can do about being broke.  Still, it doesn't make me owe any less.  Fighting debt doesn't make it go away.  What hurts the most is that I owe friends money.  PECO, PGW, Comcast...they all have so much money that missing my measley couple hundred dollars isn't going to cause anyone to starve.  The day I see a commercial featuring an emaciated communications company CEO digging for grubs I will start sending Comcast a dollar a day until my bill is reconciled..or until I die..I refuse to make Comcast my beneficiary. 

  After the picnic the other day we talked.  He's right, you know.  I'm falling apart.  Physically, emotionally, spiritually I'm in shambles, and has been for a couple months now.  It's a corrosive condition, and it's not going to clear up on its own.  Accepting the fact that I've reached this block in growth was painful, like a spiritual evisceration, but the process of reassembling my spirit will be twice as rough. 

  Unfortunately, fiscal matters take precendence.  We have to fix the physical plane before we can approah the spiritual.  That means swallowing this a little longer.  I can't lose my job.  I MUST stay sharp, I MUST concentrate, and I MUST at least look positive and upbeat...which means I apologize in advance if I'm a bit misanthropic and even a little antagonistic at home. 

  SO how do we fix this?  Sitting here blog-vomitting isn't going to help us stay afloat.  So far I've been picking up shifts, but I can only pick up so many before I start to overexhaust myself.  We've been trying to not only the custom leather work (which was still in pre-production due to lack of space until just recently, so there should be sample stock soon) but now also bath salts,teas,  scrubs, and fizzies (which seem to be a little more popular).  We're setting up our Etsy site tonight, and soon we should have a way to process orders.  It's not a quick fix, but it is a worthwhile supplement.  Every dollar helps.  I'm working on a few custom bath salt pieces, bigger ones we can market for centerpieces and gifts as an alternative to flower bouquets.  Anyone interested?  We're getting a booth at the next Unbridaled Expo in January.  Aside from searhing like mad for a new job for Ryan, this is all we really have at this point.  I'm too fat to be a hooker, too sick to be an egg donor, and I've run out of energy to fake an accident so Ryan can have the insurance money.  We don't have anything worth selling left (I refuse to sell my camera), and organs are in short supply. 

  And the faith issue?  How do I heal stagnated progress?  An email to a good friend and a talk with a "professional" so to speak should get me started.  From there it's up to me, but that's for another day.  This has gone on long enough already, and I know I've repeated a million other blogs.  I apologize and thank you for your patience...maybe soon the old Jenn will come back...please don't give up on her...

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