slick_drips's Xanga

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Thu, 24 Jul 2008 17:11:05 GMT

OK I got an A on my test and my teacher didn't even see the note that I enclosed with my homework so she just thought I was sick the whole time. And then today I got another tummy ache which is still 10% present so I left early and missed MORE class! yay. Except for the misery and the horrible tummy ache.

I have another test tomorrow...........

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Wed, 23 Jul 2008 14:29:57 GMT

Today is hump day, meaning I have been in class for 7 days and have 7 more ahead of me. In order to achieve symmetry I decided not to go to class today. I did all my homework and sent it to my teacher, along with a note explaining my state of dissatisfaction, with some of my very competitive classmates who seemed delighted that I would be losing out on participation points for the day.

Anyway, I am working ahead and packing up my clean clothes. I was quite tired on account of going to the Grant Park movie festival because I was trying to work on not always jerking out a "no" to everything that doesn't involve chores or obligations. (That was on my mother's orders). So it was a good day to avoid class, because I got to take a nap, but Christopher the Crazy says that sending an explanatory note was mean-spirited and would foster grade-deprecating bitterness, and that it was neither an honest act nor an example of standing up for myself. I said it was too and that this summer program was a great opportunity for me to be outspoken:

1. I don't have to deal with my teacher for very much longer;
2. I don't necessarily need a good grade in this program, and I'd rather have a good time than choose homework over everything;
3. I still haven't done anything to betray my academic respectability, so I am really only losing personality points of which I know I am devoid anyway according to MISS ELIZABETH Scott.

John said he was on my side, although I know that if he were in the same situation he would have just told himself to suck it up and listened. I told myself to suck it up or at least to just make up some white lie that wouldn't breed animosity like maggots on a dead animal, but I just can't stand lying!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am not going to have the main part of my conscience be, "WELL What is this going to look like on your college application when you have to explain your way out of every single thing that you thought you were interested in and then didn't like?" Whatever.....part of me says "fuck that I don't need constant scrutiny," and then the other part of me says, "you wouldn't mind being scrutinized if you knew you were doing everything right."

But how am I supposed to do EVERYTHING RIGHT ALL THE TIME?!?!?

Monday, July 21, 2008

Mon, 21 Jul 2008 22:38:57 GMT

I am considering warming up to this Christopher character on account that he is so full of shit that it just pours out of his mouth in a really entertaining way that requires me not to react or even to think, because he loves hearing himself talk, not me. He is like television.

Today John who is not THE John, but the possible admissions office plant, CHOSE to sit with me and Connie at dinner. He is quite amicable because he doesn't view himself as perfect and all-knowing. Connie is quite amicable because she IS perfect and all-knowing, as she has read every book ever and says things like, "Well, this is the second conversation I have had today regarding the reasons behind my Veganism, so excuse me for not displaying enthusiasm. Everyone thinks I have had some sort of epiphany where I BECAME vegan, and that is not true." And then goes back to being perfectly funny. She is just like my cousin Ruth! And she has actually read Noam Chomsky books instead of just fantasizing about them.

I am running out of toothpaste. I am going to have mossy teeth soon or I am actually going to have to march my butt back to the CVS. also I spent a lot of human and monetary resources last week buying cleaning supplies but I have neglected to use them except once rather vaguely. The thing is I bought those recycled paper towels which are hydrophobic and get all nasty when they are wet.

Sunday, July 20, 2008

Sun, 20 Jul 2008 23:08:47 GMT

This crazy boy named Christopher who acts like a movie character keeps on tricking me into hanging out with him. He is so affected I can't even describe it....he is like a character from Dorian Gray. And he challenges all sorts of my comfortable ways of life, like not wanting to talk about art and struggling to have a perspective-changing discussion about a book with him, and not liking F. Scott Fitzgerald, and not wanting to climb scaffolds of belltowers just for the sake of satiating some stupid lust for adventure that everyone grows out of anyway.

And lusting after adventure isn't even fun unless it is with someone who doesn't give you headaches and love talking about himself!

I don't know. Maybe I am getting lazy with my human interactions. Maybe I am just really used to being around people like John, who either always agree with me or pretend not to have an opinion so as not to make me angry, and who make me very comfortable and accept me as I am, not as I should be if only I were to "conquer my fears."

So now I am in conflict about whether it is better to accept a person as they are or encourage them to try new things, like working up the energy to get into discussions about contemporary art. Still, this Christopher character seemed pretty fake to me, constantly pronouncing himself a misanthrope and dressing up and flouncing about.

I just thought of this. I think the trouble is that when you are first getting to know people, you shouldn't try to change them right away. You should want to get to know them as they are, and then later the nice thing about friends is that they just naturally rub off on each other. If there weren't a natural way that I am "supposed" to be, then how come I am comfortable being one way and uncomfortable with certain things? Or is it that my comfort zone simply just a reflection of my own lack of experience, and if I had more experience, it would grow?

One major piece of evidence for the former is that extroverted people, for an example of a trait, aren't introverted AND extroverted--they don't seem to understand why some people would just RATHER not talk. You are one or the other, and that doesn't suggest growth toward either trait.

Friday, July 18, 2008

Fri, 18 Jul 2008 20:24:15 GMT

Today my teacher asked me why I wasn't "mixing with the other guys and gals" just because I go to lunch by myself. It was quite critical and not sympathetic or kind. Aside from it being completely rude and unfounded, seeing as in SOME countries so developed as the United States, women are LEGALLY allowed to be out-of-doors unescorted, it was also just plain annoying and way too personal for me. I wanted to throw up in her face.

EXCUSE ME for not actively "mixing" with snobby assholes who take a CAB to class because a MILE is too far to walk and then go out to lunch every day despite their meal plan just because they are too lazy to drag their asses back to the dining hall. Besides I don't need to justify eating by myself!!!!!!!!!!

Also the older kids buy the younger kids cigarettes which the younger kids then blatantly smoke on the quad....that just really annoys me that people are so self-righteous that they don't even care to hide the fact that they are breaking a rule that is supposed to get them kicked out. Have some goddam humility!

Also we had a test today which included two essays, both of which were fairly straightforward, and everyone else in class took FOREVER to do them, probably because they had to copy EVERY SINGLE WORD out of every single case, writing like 6 pages of minute writing and then getting extra time from my dimwitted teacher who is too dimwitted to recognize nauseating pedantry. So that was annoying.

And then I was reading my Trial Techniques book which said cross examination doesn't let you "have your cake and cat it too."

WTF maybe you should stop putting out new editions of this book and hire a copy editor.

OK SO I am also angry that I cannot get the attention of this nerdy boy as a sort of interesting task I have set myself to just to see if I can get SOMEONE not to blatantly disapprove of me, and since my attempt is failing I also feel really inadequate about that.

AND MY TUMMY HURTS AHHHHHHH!!!!!

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Thu, 17 Jul 2008 21:10:40 GMT

We have a really hellish test tomorrow, which annoys me deeply because all we do in class is sit around and waste hour upon hour that we really need to study for the hellish test. Honestly! What a great idea, keeping us in class for six hours being the most unproductive human being on earth and then holding us to ridiculous standards. And during the summer!!! WOEIUGLFKHJ.

One good thing is I had dinner today with nice people including the first reported "cute loner nerdy boy." He seemed charming and engaging until I realized that he was just being condescending by giving me advice about college and asking about painting and asking me what engineering is and who david sedaris is (w/e I guess "classics" majors don't get out much) and how I should really get over to the library since I haven't been there yet. Cause then when I asked if he wanted to go to the library with me he was like NO I AM GOING BACK TO MY DORM I just wanted to appear nice earlier so that you would want to come to this college. I am an admissions office plant.

GODDDD older people are so fake and patronizing.

w/e luckily there is John to rescue me so for now I can just wear whatever I want and eat tons of food and not comb my hair and be mean all the time and be otherwise generally repulsive to all the HIDEOUSLY UGLY BOYS HERE.

Also there are so many republicans! Including this one cripplingly inarticulate person who sits next to me and hails from Naperville.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Tue, 15 Jul 2008 21:45:02 GMT

I HAVE SO MUCH HOMEWORK TO DO!!!!!!!!

and, my teacher is a total dumptruck, so it is lame that this school says that it is so great and expensive and fancy, because my class is GAY in every bible-jerking homophobic sense of the word. the only thing good about it is the books, which i could have just purchased and read on my own without wasting time "discussing" their content with the 3 intelligent girls in my class who i guess would be ok but then also the 3 other people in my class who are supposedly "male" but are SO STUPID they are not even human..................

today i took the bus home from class! which was free, and it took a really long time but it was free and my feet had enough energy in them that i went to CVS to buy cleaning supplies! which took me an ENTIRE HOUR because it was 6 blocks away. I miss my bike!!!!!!!!! Ugh every bike here is so goddam sweeeet i want to steal every single one! I want to ride a bike so badly and put my heavy books in the basket and travel nice and quickly and disobey traffic signals........although here the drivers are so angry that they really will run me over if i go in the street on their green.

Also i am so sunburned i am going to die of it unless i die of Marshall Court Syndrome first.

Monday, July 14, 2008

Mon, 14 Jul 2008 21:38:28 GMT

1. I am not sick of macaroni and cheese or pizza or fruit salad or french toast sticks or damp pie or corn pops or brown rice w/kung pao beef or jerk chicken or pasta w/marinara or alfredo YET or any of the other 50000 things offered at every meal... NO WONDER they are charging my parents half a million dollars to live here.
2. I have had to read Marbury v. Madison today, along with two other yet-to-be read supreme court decisions and only about 80 pages out of my textbook which was $76, since my 6-hour class ended for the day and before it starts again tomorrow morning at 9.
3. I miss john : (
4. My mother found out before I did the bus route that would eliminate the 1 mile walk between my dining hall and the Press building where my class is....yes, I am supposed to travel that one mile and scarf down lunch within an hour.
5. There are a lot of psychos here!!!! Who talk about wearing raybands and being obsessed with M.I.A. and having the iPhone but "not that super new one that came out like a week ago; I don't have that yet." And how they've been "meaning to go to New York" and they love those artists Richard Serra and whoever Pollock.

WTF you are seventeen you haven't been MEANING to go anywhere except to the internet to "order" new sunglasses.
6. I have already pooped twice RIGHT IN THE DORM BATHROOM!!! OMG.

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Sun, 13 Jul 2008 15:20:01 GMT

My main complaint about this program so far is that everybody insists on moving in a pack. and not just any pack, either, but a special invitation-only pack designated by the Obnoxious Cocky Boy and his Ugly Wannabe Cronies, who continuously pursue the Slightly Ethnic Girls.

No, people, this is not a prolonged field trip to the art museum with your second grade class. You are insured! You actually have permission not to use the buddy system.

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Thu, 10 Jul 2008 10:41:41 GMT

I have worried myself into a bleeding ulcer!!! zomg! What a source of new panick! at the disco.

Actually, there is no ulcer YET, but I am going to the doctor's today so he can diagnose my miserable stomach aches which i have all the time. I am not doing anything, once again, but I did visit Washington and find it basically ridiculously expensive and neo-gothic in a compulsive sort of way, like, "we actually don't have a REAL architecture department, so we just keep---making---every---building---look---the---same." I don't think I like private schools at all! They are too much like freaky little utopia towns full of smart little people studying hard and either being the poverty-cycle-breaking project of a scholarship fund or ridiculously over-privileged and career-oriented so that one day they can get TONS OF MONEY AND BUY THE ENTIRE WAL-MART CORPORATION ZOMG WHAT FUN WE CAN NOW HAVE 5,000 DIGITAL CAMERAS AND EIGHT SWIMMING POOLS