一直追求無理的答案的我...

很快就要出發去Poland了,
雖然我是開心而又興奮.
但是同時間我是想起「洗剪吹」這個目的而令我更決斷!
剪開我所有的頭髮的話,
自己要比已前的我更決斷嗎?對每一件事?
自己會更傻呼呼的去追求一個人嗎?
自己能再一次決斷的去放開你嗎?
雖知道你喜歡「最好朋友」的我, 自己心感高興.
但同一時間的我也不願意再相信這個事實.
想再次相信自己的直覺的我,同時間也感到寂寞.
所以我不想去再次喜歡上任何人,
我不會介意我是單身,
就算我是同性戀者也不介意.
只要我有一天可以見到的我沒有和你一起的可能的希望,
又或是你也是單身的話.
我會把這個「我」開始下去.
從Poland回來的我,
只會是一個不懂「男人」的人,
永遠不想喜歡任何人的我,
但除了「你」之外, 不會愛任何人.
一身長頭髮的我將會不見了....

所以,請你不要說你「需要我」之類的說話。

一直追求無理的答案的我....

寂し..苦るしよ！.. 　:'(

絵恋

是罰ゲム？還是....?

昨天累死了!
因為出席了我high school的一個friend的house party,
我在想　－　久違的house party, 作為一個經常去bar的女子,
聽到house party一定開心得FLY起來吧? (大笑)
所以我去我朋友的party和stay over了.

到了那邊雖然十分高興的可以見見好久沒見了朋友同學,
不過雖見面又不要有batsu的命運吧.
做了令我十分意外的事 因為朋友的要求,
不過... 怎樣說? emmmm..... 有種,還可以的感覺.
原來做這種事是不大難呢(笑)

不過要和自己有感覺的人才可以做到了....

不過, I had a fun night with you all, even tho most of you are drunk drunk XD

P.S. : sorry aaron .... didn't mean to do that man XP

(這不是我所說的罰ゲム,不好誤會!!)

絵恋

things always happen even though u never want it to be...

今天九時多wake up,
依舊上facebook, message to friend etc.
除了addicted to facebook.
我開始發現自己是等著一個人,
那個我十分重視的,十分關心的人,
雖知道他去旅行了,不過依然上facebook來等你,
雖然是十分傻的行為,
但是不知不覺這成為了我的習慣.
習慣上facebook看看你做了什麼,
習慣看看你是否上facebook,
習慣等你和我談天.
最初我已為自己再次喜歡上你,
但我知道的我們有一個不可思議的bond between我們,
那種友情的bond.
自己和你交友三年多了也未能察覺到你對我的感情.
對我而言我是十分珍惜,
比你所說的「需要我」還要多.
最初我已為只是我看重每一個朋友的感情,
但那天我發現我錯了.
錯了的是我沒能可清你們的想法,
沒能讓你珍惜的人看到你的心意,覺得寂寞嗎?

對不起呢,自已為有盡力為朋友的我也沒有發現你的心意.
自已為自己比任何人更看護你的我也沒能看不起你的心意.
自已為自己終有一天會失去你的我也沒能知道你是如此的需要我.

話雖如此, 但我知道的是, 當大家上了大學後,
我們已經開始全新的一頁,
我會用我這雙眼睛去看這個命運開始了.
不論你如何說你會想念我,愛我,又或者是我永遠忘不到你.
我只相信的是實是,當你上大學的時候,
我會對著手電不停的落淚, 對著facebook不停的落淚.
雖不想有這一天的來臨,
但這是必然的.....

我不想這樣,但這事情為什麼一定要發生?

絵恋

didn't even noticed

last saturday i went for a meal for luke's brother's 21st birthday party,
we had a chat after the meal as we just sitting down chilling.
at the sudden i lost the control, left the money and ran to the door.
i was feeling so confuse of what i should be to him....
it was a long story... but can't believe luke knows about it..

the rain hit on me not so hard, but this just makes my tears streaming even more,
with the dark blue-est sky ever, i didn't look at the sky.
i was holding my phone very tight, and try to contact Vi Vi even more often,
Voice of wind, rain and my breathe start getting stronger,
my heart was even felt like its cracking to pieces.
i was even wanna be away with the human being.
my tears was keep streaming on my face all night long on the bus.
plus lots of thinking....

when i got back home.
i have decided to text to luke,
and telling hime should stop being friends as i am not deserve to.
even i was sure about the decision, but also i will remember the happiness to be with him.
lots of the memories with you, lots of ...... moment with you...
they are precious to me, even to you...
but i should let it go, as i'm sorry......
after the text, my tears was streaming down on my pillow,
until i had a sweet dream going on in my dream.
then i got luke's text, he was worried if i got back safe,
he was shocked as he dosen't even care about that story,
he dosen't understand why i need to leave away for him.
but i do, i do, coz i think i'm ashame of luke.
i think "leave" is the best option.
when i just about to ignore it, i got a txt again said : i'm going to use all the credit until you text me back.
and i got the other one said : if i haven't heard anything for you i will not be able to sleep.
i rang him as i dun want him to be this non-sence.
even though i told him i'm fine, but i didn't even replied about your friendship.
and i finished the phone call.
a few minutes later i was shocked...
i got txt msgs again.... but this time is different,
i got the msg from him and said he dose care about me,
i was shocked that he dose care of me...
i thought its only me do to the friend,

but from this i am delighted...
but still i should not deserve it...

babe, i love you more than to the others,
when i worry, but its unnecessarily to be...
when i think of you, i would know u are a bit more far away from me.
when i try to let you go, then you came to me.
and send your love to me...
i feel so delighted about it and noticed how much you love me.
but .... i still not deserve this.... at all.....

yingy xxxx

LIBERATION

今天上有菜老師的日記看看。
她ｐｏｓｔ上了＂羞恥心＂這隊歌手的新ａｌｂｕｍ（？）。
知道有菜老師喜歡這隊歌手就立刻上ｉｎｔｅｒｎｅｔ去找找他們的歌聽聽。
不過，我只可以給這個評語是－還可以。雖然看他們的ｐｖ時候突然的大笑了。
不過，還可以吧這隊歌手ｘＤ。　因為我不大喜歡おぎさんだよ！（笑）
それに、私わ玉木宏さんか好きだ！１００％を好き。（笑）
たから、頑張ってぐださい！フインラブ（笑）。
有菜喜愛的組合歌手，自己也不知道，還說自己是有菜的ｆａｎｓ....

今天工作真的令人生氣！
不過不多說原因。
只是一個只已為自己與別人相處的態度正確的人，
還已為自己做的事情和態度上是一直正確。
但她總不考慮到自己工作上的ｐｏｓｉｔｉｏｎ而放膽的去ｇｅｔ　ｂａｃｋ　ｐｅｏｐｌｅ。
自己沒有能力去ｆｉｇｈｔ　ｆｏｒ　ｉｔ　而令自己ｅｍｂｒａｓｓ的話。
就請你了解ｍｉｃｈｅａｌ所說的用意吧。
看到她所作所為就好像已前的我一樣。
不分上下和是非輕重而和上級ｏｒ老師們相處。
看見她做的所有已經令我看不下去了。
好只不過是一個只懂插人背後的無膽鬼。
像她２７年齡的女人既沒有收養而且不分上下。
將來的好一定會心得人心嗎？
自己心中已經有了答案，這一課上的真妙ＸＤ。
令自己看到我有長大的一面。

ｓｕｍｍｅｒ終於開始了！
不知道自己會做點什麼，
但和朋友們相聚的時間只有這個夏天，
所以會把握時間　ＸＤ！
不過當然自己也要把握時間ｒｅｖｉｓｅ啦（笑）。

嫦嫦，還好嗎？
希望你還好吧。
ｅｎｊｏｙ你的夏天啊ＸＤ。

以上。

絵恋