| | even on here and this seems to be a safe spot for me to vent. Anyway, yesterday I had an emotional rollercoaster go on in me. Most of it was a confirmation of things that I have been feeling about anyway. This job that I'm in is not making me happy. I'm not getting the hours I need and I feel like my clients can see this in me as I'm there. I'm kinda a hypocrite about things because how can I tell people to have good self esteem when mine isn't up to par like I want it. I want so bad to do the will of God for me, yet sometimes I don't feel like I'm even heeding it. I love God with all my heart, yet some of the stuff that goes through my brain don't seem to line up with what God has spoken over my life. I know that is a normal feeling, but I guess that I have been the one that has always tried to take the positive attitude route.
Now, I know that God wants me to be happy, but for me, how can I be happy when I'm not doing what I love to do. Yesterday at work, talking to one of my coworkers helped me determine this in me. My coworker gave me that "its okay if you don't wanWow has it really been a couple of months since I last blogged on here?
Well it's really bad, but Xanga seems to be my spot where I vent about
things that dont' seem so upbeat. Thats weird I know, but whenever I'm
on myspace and I write a blog on there I feel like more of an
encouragement on there. But here, not as many of my friends aret to do this anymore" passage. See I've been feeling like this for a couple of months since I started this job, yet I had not wanted to leave them in the lurch because I wasn't happy. I have been thinking about my clients and about my coworkers and I really want to do the right thing. Just the way that she talked to me about it yesterday really made me feel a little bit relieved because she made me feel okay if this wasn't the right fit, there wasn't a sense of "you need to stay because your really good at this: There was this sense of "if you feel like your feelings are going to get in the way of you doing your job right and helping the clients, you need to make that decision." It was almost like a confirmation in my spirit that I had the permission that I needed. So I cried quite honestly and cried and well lets just say my makeup came off REALLY fast. I got home last night and decided to write my notes in my car and then go in my house and relax as much as I could. I made the decision to seek out what is the right way to go. I'm tired of doing things my own way, I'm tired of not realizing my full potential and I'm tired of feeling less then qualified for what I'm doing. I"m ready to start understanding the truth that God has spoken over my life. I'm ready to accept his perfect will and accept that he has made me the person that I am for a reason. I'm ready to keep myself in his will and see the impact in a hurting world that comes out of this thing that I"ve come to. Yeah this was a long blog but it was something that I had to get out. Now the only thing I"m thinking about is where do I go from here. What do I need to do where I am truly happy?
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| | Posted 4/29/2008 12:24 PM - 19 views - 0 comments
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