Well, the anticipation is over.  Our beautiful daughter Alexandria Diane was born February 16 at 4:26 pm. She weighed 8 pounds 2 ounces and measured 20 inches long.  Tomorrow she will be 3 weeks old, and her birth already seems ancient to me.  I cannot believe how quickly she is growing!  Already, when I look at our pictures from the hospital, I can hardly recognize the infant in pictures. Most people who see her say she looks more like she's about 3 months old instead of 3 weeks.  I wonder if this rapid growth is in any way parallel to her developmental growth, both physically and mentally.  She can lift her head up for about 10 seconds now.  She does very well with tummy time, although she often gets fussy during my beloved tummy time.  She amazes me in so many ways!  During tummy time she tries so hard to lift herself up.  I think mentally she is ready to crawl.  I also believe this is why she gets fussy at this time.  She knows exactly what she wants to do and where she wants to go, but physically, she is not yet able to get there.  She does scoot herself across her blankets by pushing her legs the opposite direction.  She has a very strong sucking reflex, and for this reason, we introduced the pacifier.  We are very careful to only give it to her when she wants to suck and does not need to nurse.  I refuse to give it to her when she cries or when we are trying to get her to sleep, because I do not want her to develop a dependency on it.  She has even begun to hold the pacifier in her own mouth!  Overall, she is an incredibly calm and content baby.  She very seldom cries, and 99% of the time, if she cries it is because she is ready to eat.  Nursing is going incredibly well and has since day one.  She latches on wonderfully, and we have experienced very few problems. 

For picures and more information about the ever changing life of Lexie, visit her website: www.babylexie.blogspot.com. 

Anticipation

Although I never thought I would say (or feel) it, I think we are finally ready for our daughter to arrive.  Going through the prepared childbirth classes, the breastfeeding class, the tour of the pavilion, and my increased doctors appointments have certainly increased our readiness.  One decision we still haven't made is the saint we are choosing for our Alexandria Diane.  There are so many Alexander's to choose from.  We have it decently narrowed down but are yet to make a final decision.  Any advice or opinions are welcome.  Tomorrow I have another visit with my doctor in the morning.  Then in the afternoon, Ryan and I are meeting with our pediatrician for the first time.  I have heard wonderful things about this office, so I am really looking forward to meeting with her.  Ryan was mentioning yesterday how he is very ready for her arrival.  He has been very supportive recently, especially with all of the changes occurring.  My only fear is how terribly long the next pregnancy will be for him.  Though we've been together thorughout the pregnancy, we have only lived under the same roof for the past 2 and a half weeks.  He's had it rather easy as far as I'm concerned.  Actually, I am already sympathizing with him for the next pregnancy.  We do plan to have a few years in between.  Physically, I have been increasingly exhausted over the past week.  Though it has been a bit difficult for me, I believe everything I am feeling is completely normal and a sign of impending labor.  I still have no inclination of when she will arrive.  At times I have assumed she may be early or late, but at this point, I'm just leaving the decisions up to her (not that I ever had control of such decisions).  Though I may need it, I'm not at all looking forward to the time away from church after she is born.  I haven't actually spoken to father about it, but I assume we will wait the 40 days.  Which if she is born around her due date, she will probably be baptised on Palm Sunday.  Lent will certainly be different for us this year.  I must remind myself to refrain from being overly celebratory and indulgent as we enter into Great Lent.  This Sunday is our annual Parish meeting.  Though it is sure to be lengthy and at times dull, I pray we will be productive and make some progressive decisions for the church.  With such a growing youth population, there are so many things to do.  We just need people to step up to the respoinsibilities of being in charge.  Though I do plan to continually increase my involvement in the parish, I am reluctant to accept a position on the board at this time with the baby coming so soon.  The education program within the church is beginning to flourish but is still in need of work.  I am grateful we have begun a class for the toddlers and preschoolers this year as they are rapidly increasing in number.  I pray we will remain in the area long enough to continue to see the growth of the church youth and to contribute to their education in any way possible.  My husband went to the Blues game tonight, so I'm now waiting for him to return home. 

 I pray you are all well.  Good night and God bless.

Update

Life is moving quickly as always.  Many changes have occurred since my last entry, and I must say, I am pleased with all of the changes in my life.  I miss things from before, which occasionally causes tension between Ryan and me.  Even living in this area again has not been such a negative.  However, I loved my life in Cape too, and this has been a very large transition for me.  I think the reason I miss it so much is I associate living in Cape with a simple, college life.  There, I felt I could escape reality, whereas here, I am encased in reality 24 hours a day.  As difficult as the transition has been, I am grateful for it.  It was definitely a necessity for me (and for us).   I will attempt to provide a general overview of the recent major changes.

Marriage: The first and most important transition is my marriage.  Ryan and I were married in a civil ceremony on Friday January 12^th.  Our good friend stood up for us, and it meant the world to me to have her there.  Partaking in the civil ceremony was a very difficult decision for us.  We spoke to our priest about it on multiple occasions.  While a marriage outside of the Church is not looked upon highly, Fr. Tom respected and supported our decision.  He views our situation uniquely, and after liturgy last Sunday requested Ryan and me to regain communion with the Church.  This was a bold move on his part, as technically we cannot come back into communion with the Church until May when we have the wedding blessed there.  However, from the talks we have had and simply from him knowing us as well as he does, he felt this was the right decision for all of us, and I am grateful. 

House: The day after Ryan and I married, we moved into our new house.  We had been moving our furniture and belongings in periodically over the preceding week, and Saturday the 13^th of January was our first night here.  It is wonderful owning a house with my husband.  Without him, I could not have achieved any of this, and I do love our house (and him too =)!)  Though we have our own furniture in all rooms, the only room we have decorated is the nursery.  It is by far my favorite room in the house.  I painted the bottom portion of the room light green and posted a neutral border in the center of the room which has animals, letters, and arks.  The top portion of the wall is white.  There are 2 windows for which I bought pastel green and white gingham valences.  The furniture includes the crib, changing table, a book case, a 4 cubby storage unit with pastel totes, and a 2 door storage unit, which I am using somewhat as a dresser.  Everything but the crib and changing table I put together on my own.  It provides a nice sense of accomplishment to see everything we have already done for our daughter.  A big part of my work on the nursery comes from my nesting instinct.  I have 3 weeks until my due date and I have had the nesting instinct for the past month or so.  I think it set in early because of the many anxieties afforded with buying a new home. 

Baby:  The transition between doctors has gone more smoothly than I anticipated.  I am a rather difficult patient with seemingly constant changes in my name, address, and insurance.  Though the insurance has not yet been billed for my appointments following the marriage, they have all of my new insurance information, and Ryan has been in contact with his insurance multiple times to insure all goes smoothly.  At my first appointment after moving home, I was 34 weeks, measuring almost 36, and the doctor estimated I would have at least an 8 pound baby.  The measurements have only gradually increased since then.  At my 37 week appointment yesterday, I measured 37.  Tomorrow is the official beginning of my 37^th week, which I highly anticipate, because 37 weeks is the official full term mark.  At last week’s appointment, my doctor ordered an ultra sound.  It was disappointing at first, because I had expected the ultra sound to be done by her in the office the day of the appointment.  My mom even met me there so I could share the experience with her.  Then the doctor informed us that there had been a misunderstanding, and she would have to order the ultra sound to be done at the hospital’s imaging center.  The appointment was scheduled for this Thursday (tomorrow), but through countless phone calls, we managed to get in Monday afternoon.  She is lying head down as suspected.  Her head is VERY low, though not yet engaged (As of yesterday I’m at a -3 station. Stations range from -4 to +4.  A 0 station is when the head is engaged in the pelvis).  Her feet are all the way up (seemingly in my rib cage), which I predicted.  Of course, that is what I feel the most.  Her spine is to the left side, and in the ultra sound she had her hands up by her mouth.  Though the ultra sound was primarily to check amniotic fluid amounts and the size of the baby, I of course inquired about the sex.  She checked 2 or 3 different times and still could find no boy parts.  So, I finally took the tags off of all of my pink clothes, so I can get those washed.  Up until now, all of the clothes, blankets, etc in the nursery are yellow and green.  I’ve been keeping everything pink in a bag to the side in anticipation of this ultra sound.  The technician estimated the baby is only 6 pounds currently, which is still the average for 37 weeks.  When I shared this news with my doctor yesterday, she was skeptical, because she still thinks the baby is bigger.  I guess we will find out when she arrives!  Ryan and I are currently enrolled in prepared childbirth classes on Thursday nights.  They last only 3 weeks, and tomorrow is our final class.  Though I don’t feel I have learned a great deal of information, I have thoroughly enjoyed the class.  Sharing the experience with Ryan makes it very special, because it helps include him in the pregnancy much more.  Also, the class is at the hospital where we intend to deliver, and they provide us with a tour and all sorts of information on the delivery experience at the hospital.  I feel this information is very helpful and (usually) comforting.  The only thing I dislike about the classes is the lack of communication between couples.  There are 9 couples, and we speak to one another in class, but no lasting relationships have been formed.  I’ve always heard of birthing classes where the couples stay in contact after the babies are born, so I’m just a little disappointed to miss out on that experience.  However, it is not as though I do not know other moms.  As I have mentioned previously, 4 of us are currently pregnant at church.  It has been wonderful sharing this experience with my church family, and knowing my child will have other Orthodox Christians her age to grow with is priceless.  In other baby news, I have been blessed with not one, but two baby showers.  The first was last Sunday (the 14^th) after Liturgy.  The ladies at church insisted on throwing me a shower.  They went all out with food, cake, decorations, and presents.  It was quite overwhelming to see how much love and support we have from our church family.  At this shower, I acquired the entire bedding set with accessories for the nursery.  We chose the “James the Giraffe” set from Babies R Us, and it is adorable!  We received so many wonderful gifts!  Then this past Saturday, I received another shower at my mom’s house for family and friends.  It was wonderful having Ryan’s family and my family all together.  We began with introductions, and it gave me great pride and happiness when all of his family introduced themselves as my “new mother-in-law, sister-in-law, niece, and grandma.”  It was very sentimental for me.  Some members of my family went together to buy me a Graco pack n play, which is my favorite gift.  It includes the play pen, a bassinet, changing table, mobile, and a few other accessories.  I am hoping to keep it in our bedroom in the beginning, and have the baby sleep there.  Of course, ultimately, the baby will decide where the baby sleeps =).  His family bought us a convertible car seat, which is also wonderful.  After the shower my mom went in with me to purchase the travel system (stroller and infant car seat) I’ve been wanting.  I have a breastfeeding class this Saturday, and I am looking forward to it very much.  I have MANY questions to ask.  I want and plan to breastfeed, but thus far, I am relatively clueless on any details.  I just hope the class focuses on actually breastfeeding and not just the benefits and whatnot of doing so.  I have written multiple papers on the latter, so I do not need to review the benefits.  It is something I know I want to do. Now I just have to learn how. 

That covers the basic updates.  There’s plenty more to cover, but I must move on to something more productive with my day for now.  My husband is on his way home from work, and we are going to visit his great aunt in the hospital.  Her health has been continuously declining, and as much as we’d all love to see aunt and uncle maintain their independence, it is getting to the point where I do not feel they can live on their own anymore.  Her memory is practically gone, and she has fallen multiple times.  This last fall is what landed her in the hospital with a broken shoulder.  They apparently have her in a sling but will probably do no more, because surgery at her age is too risky.  Lord have mercy!  Please keep aunt and uncle in your prayers.

Today was interesting.  My day began with a late night drive to Lebanon.  Ryan and I began talking on the phone about our families and our future and whatnot rather late, and I thought it foolish to have such a conversation over the phone. Henceforth, I drove to Lebanon.  Though trying at times, we had a rather nice talk.  I pray we keep the lines of communication continually open between us.  I felt bad keeping him up so late, because he had to go into work this morning.  I don't think my inability to sleep through the night allowed him to sleep any better once we finally stopped talking either.  This morning I spent a couple of hours with his parents before leaving.  I really enjoy the time I spend with them.  I just wish they realized it.  I met a friend for lunch at noon.  Lunch was nice.  We seldom get to visit without kids and significant others around.  She has a great deal of parenting advice to impart, which I need and appreciate.  Before lunch I called my doctor to find out the time of my appointment for tomorrow.  I swear these people are trying to send me into preterm labor!  First they tell me I am not on file as a patient and have no appointment tomorrow.  Then the receptionist was relatively helpful and gave me an appointment.  THEN she asks how far along I am.  When I tell her tomorrow begins 34 weeks, she acts astonished, and tells me the doctor does not accept new patients past 12 weeks.  I explained to her repeatedly we had already discussed my situation with the doctor.  I think she briefly thought I had received no prenatal care up to this point.  She scared me once more by telling me they do not have the files from my previous doctor, which by this point I had assumed, even though my previous doctor's office supposedly faxed all of my records over 2 weeks ago.  After hanging up with one doctor, I immediately called the other and urgently requested my files be faxed TODAY.  I pray everything went through and my appointment tomorrow will go well. I plan to arrive quite early to take care of any paperwork or other business before the appointment time.

 I left Swansea for Edwardsville around 2:15, because I had to meet Ryan to sign papers for closing on the house.  As far as I'm concerned, everything went very smoothly.  I had heard horror stories of the buyer having to pay random unexpected amounts at closing, but instead we left with a check for $29. Every bit helps.  I am so grateful for the work Ryan has put into securing a home for us.  He is absolutely amazing.  I cannot even imagine handling this on my own right now.  He stepped up and took care of everything for us.  I think our buying our first house also has provided each of us a good opportunity to grow in our relationship with my dad.  He has also been very helpful throughout the process.  After closing, we drove back to Granite to the house.  Though we are not ready to move furniture (let alone ourselves) yet, it was a very nice feeling to simply stand in the house knowing it is ours.  It is still surreal to us.  My mom stopped by the house after returning from work and took a picture of us in front of our first home =).  This evening, she accompanied me to Walmart where I purchased every cleaning product imaginable.  Tomorrow after visiting the doctor, I intend to go clean the entire house.  Thankfully, for my sake, the house isn't very large. It is also in good condition.  Still, I want to get it completely clean before we move anything in. 

 I suppose I should get some sleep before my appointment in the morning.  Please say a prayer that everything goes well with my new doctor.  I am very anxious about moving and switching doctors this late in my pregnancy.  Good night and God bless.

"Home"

Being home so far has been pleasant though awkward.  It still hasn't settled for me where exactly home is.  Perhaps this is a good thing since I will again be moving over the next couple of weeks to a new "home."  I've been back in Granite staying at my parents' house since Christmas Eve.  Christmas with the family was nice but of course flew all too quickly.  Sunday morning we went to Liturgy which is always fantastic.  Everybody greeted me as they always do, welcoming me home, and expecting me to be gone the next day.  Levi came in town for church and spent Christmas with our family, because his wife and kids were with family in Nebraska.  Phil and Anna returned from their honeymoon around 4 am Christmas Eve, so after church, we returned home to see them.  We spent the afternoon with our immediate family, which now includes significant others for all three of us siblings.  In the early evening we left to spend Christmas with my mom's side of the family.  It was very nice, though different than usual.  My mom has only 2 siblings, and her brother and his family could not make it until later.  Ryan, Levi, and I stayed until 7:30, at which time we had to leave to spend Christmas with Ryan's family.  The original plan included Christmas Eve with my family and Christmas day with his, but their plans changed.  It was very important to me this year for both of us to spend adequate time with each of our families.  Challenging and tiring as it was, all went smoothly.  His family began celebrating at 8, and his sister's kids did not join us until 10:30, because they had spent the day with their dad.  Both family celebrations were nice, though very opposite of one another.  With my mom's family, we ate minimal food and spent the evening singing Christmas carols and sharing memories of all sorts.  It was a very quiet and relaxing event.  Immediately upon arriving at Ryan's parents' house, we were greeted by 2 of his nephews who were running around the house shooting pretend guns.  His family is very tight-knit and they spend ample time together regularly, which my family unfortunately is not able to do.  At this gathering, most people enjoyed playing pinochle (which they play quite competitively).  The television was also on for the most part of the evening.  Though everyone seemed to enjoy themselves, much of the evening seemed to be a competition of being heard, with each person talking over kids, guns, the television, and each other.  I always enjoy spending time with Ryan's family.  Now that I am back in the area I hope to visit them all much more often.  Ryan dropped Levi and I back off at my parents' house around 12:30, so we could get some sleep before Christmas morning Liturgy.  He unfortunately had to drive right back to Lebanon, because with Phil, Anna, Levi, and I all in town, the bedrooms were all full.

Liturgy the next morning honestly disappointed me.  The service seemed redundant of years' past and not in a traditional manner.  Also, many parishioners seemed missing.  On the plus side, those present included the majority of the young families in the Church.  I pray our church continues to see growth of young couples and children as we have over the past 6 years or so.  These people (which ironically include me now) are the future of the Church.  Though my ministries at the college level have failed, I feel God may have a new vocation for me.  Orthodox education has always lacked in my home parish, and I feel we have lost many young people due to a lack of both understanding and interest.  I feel a strong educational background is imperative to keeping youth in the Church.  Now that I plan to be in the area for at least a few years, I intend to increase my involvement with the youth ministries.  The number of children in our little parish astonishes me, and it is literally growing every day.  Including myself, we have 4 women expecting between February and May and at least a dozen children aged six and younger.  4 of these children are recent converts to the faith.  I cannot stress enough how important an understanding of this amazing Faith we live each day of our lives is for these children.  Already, I can see some of the older children straying from the Church as I have seen happen with many before them, including my own siblings and even myself at times.   

Also on Christmas day, my dad's side of the family came to my parents' house.  This celebration was an opposite to both of the previous day's gatherings.  I am the youngest grandchild in my dad's family, and we now have 4 great grandchildren.  Most of us see each other only once or twice a year and we converse minimally at these gatherings.  About 1/4 of the family belongs to the Orthodox Church, which has increased our bonds over the years, but outside of this group, many of us seem to have nothing in common.  I thank God everybody is civil with one another, but I am increasingly disheartened by the lack of connectivity in the family.

I cannot believe I have been back in town for an entire week now.  Each time I leave a gathering of friends or family, I feel the need for a lengthy goodbye, which is not necessary now that I will see many of them the next day.  I find myself in this fiasco especially with Ryan and my mom, as they have always been the most difficult for me to leave.  Each time we part I must remind myself I will see them shortly.  I do miss Cape.  I miss my house, my friends, and my job.  As another week or so passes, I think it will grow increasingly awkward for me to remain away.  The most difficult departure is yet to occur.  I still must return to pack and remove the remainder of my belongings, including all of my furniture.  It will certainly feel like a more definite good bye when I remove my furniture from the house.  Speaking of houses, if all goes as plans, Ryan and I are supposed to close on our new home this Wednesday.  I have been waiting to move my furniture home until closing is complete to avoid moving everything twice.  Now we simply need to get married so I can join Ryan in our new home before the baby is born.  It is all happening so quickly.  The wedding remains a backseat item.  Though I should probably start planning, I am preoccupied with moving, school, work (or lack there of), and more than anything, the baby.  My goal currently is simply to live without regret.  My biggest fear is after we go through with our marriage we will regret how everything has taken place.  I never want to regret my marriage. 

The baby has become increasingly active the past few days.  It is odd, because I do not feel direct kicks and punches.  Instead, I feel her moving her entire body.  It often feels as though she is doing back flips in there.  These back flips are the reason I am sitting at the computer at 1 am.   I am looking forward to my next doctor's visit.  Thursday I meet for the first time with my new doctor.  I have many questions to discuss, and I pray I feel more comfortable with her than with my previous doctor.  Over the next few weeks I will be switching insurance plans also.  I know this has potential to complicate many things—I pray the switch goes as smoothly as possible.  I think I will try to lie down shortly and see if the baby lets me rest.  Good night and God bless.