smyle4me3h's Xanga

Monday, July 05, 2004

Mon, 05 Jul 2004 23:54:59 GMT

hey .. i'm back !! yea .. i've been back for a while . since the 1st to be exact but i just now felt like writing in my xanga . to answer some questions about my trip : houston sucked . there was nothing to do out there .. we played volleyball `nd came back to the hotel .. we ate `nd slept . that's purty much all we did .. everyday !! yea .. we got 5th out of 48 teams .. i was s0o upset & sad when we lost ! we were one game away from a medal ! ugh .. let's not get me started on that issue again ! however .. i'm glad that that trip got me a lot closer to my team .. budunkadunk jen . my ho-ho & down ass chick lisa . my all-star leslie ray . friend lyndz . crazy critter marysa . gassy megan . blondie nicole . mama riley . kamikaze torri . quote-every-movie vicky . it sucks cuz the time that we got s0o much closer was the end of our season .. but no worries .. we're most definitely gonna chill ! i'M GONNA MiSS YOU LADiES ! hmm .. moving on .. before i forget .. thank you que for the cds for my trip .. i must say i enjoyed them !! hahaha .. yea .. these past couple of days have been great ! .. what a great way to enjoy my break from volleyball ! on thursday nite after we got home .. i went to see spiderman 2 with my mommah, my brother, & jed . on friday i went to dj's house & chilled with him, jed , `nd dj's brothers . on saturday i went to huntington beach with lisa, torri, nicole, riley, & vicky .. we ate @ bj's .. layed out for a g0od amount of time .. came back to lisa's house where jen met up with us .. ate pizza & headed out for cosmic bowling .. our lane sucked but we made the best of it, right ladies ? and yesterday, sunday .. for the 4th of july .. i went to church .. went to practice for bobbie's debut .. went to church again with jed's family & chilled with him, ordered pizza & played with fireworks( kinda .. cuz it t0ok forever for him to get something to light them ! hahahaha ) `nd yePp .. that concludes my break from volleyball .. a wopping 4 days ! i go back to volleyball tonite .. but not for my club team .. for sch0ol (we got summer league) .. damn, this volleyball thing never seems to end ! as s0on as sch0ol season ends .. club season starts .. `nd vice versa .. o0o well .. i guess that comes to show how much i'm dedicated ? hahaha .. whatever .. anywho .. i'm gonna get going .. i gotta finish cleaning up before my mommah gets home & get ready for my game tonite .. w0opty- do . aurite then .. i'm g o n e .

Wednesday, June 23, 2004

Wed, 23 Jun 2004 06:08:14 GMT

so i'm sittin` here @ home .. cuz my mom doesn't wanna drop me off to chill wid mariel cuz she's got "t0o much to do" .. & so that pretty much means s0o much for gettin` to chill wid my "cousin" before i leave ! sorry mariel ! there's gonna be other times .. F'SHO ! but yea .. hmm .. i'm s0o ready to leave !! not literally cuz i'm a slow packer `nd all .. but inside i can't wait to get the f*** outta here ! i can't wait to leave this life behind .. but for the first time in a long time .. i'm really excited to play volleyball .. maybe cuz i'm suddenly motivated `nd inspired cuz it's the junior olympics .. or i guess it's cuz volleyball is my escape from the real world . despite the fact that i'm putting all this s*** aside in my mind & i know that i gotta deal with it s0oner or later, it's like .. i now realize that playing volleyball takes me away from it .. even if it's just for a moment that i get away .. it's that moment that keeps me from breakin` down . wow .. i sound like a volleyball nerd or something .. hahaha .. whatever tho . i guess i deserve to be one after playing for sch0ols `nd club for 5 or 6 years now .. haha . yea .. i'm bored . damn .. i got this lauryn hill song on heavy rotation .. esp. this one part : "although i may suffer .. i'll envy it not .. & endure what comes .. cuz he's all that i got .. " it makes me think about one of my situations that i'm dealing with rite now .. `nd as far as that goes .. i now realize that i don't wanna know anymore .. i don't wanna wonder . i just gotta let things be . what i can't see or don't know can't hurt me, rite ? cuz if i see it .. i fear i'll start to break down & if i hear it `nd find out .. i fear that i'll forever be wondering . so let's make it official .. i quit on instigating . `nd i'm doing this for my own benefit, rite ? cuz now i can't get hurt . i think that even though my heart is in a different place `nd doesn't want this .. i gotta do this in order to get what i want in the long run .. s0o i gotta let it happen .. it was gonna happen s0oner or later .. you win some, you lose some rite ? i may be losing now .. but i'll win later ? hahaha .. that made me sound cocky .. haha .. but yea .. i'm just gonna go now .. i got a beach practice tomorrow morning .. yep . bright & early ! hope it was long enough for you que ! hahaha .. `nd i just wanna wish you a HAPPY EARLY BiRTHDAY .. cuz i'm prolly not gonna be able to write this officially before i leave .. i'm sorry i won't be there fer yer party ! i'll be there spiritually ? i luyah my lil one !! hope it's great !! `nd i'm g o n e .

Sunday, June 13, 2004

Sun, 13 Jun 2004 05:03:25 GMT

LAURYN HiLL - TELL HiM
 
let me be patient 
let me be kind
make me unselfish
without being blind
though i may suffer i'll envy him not
and endure what comes
cause he's all that i got and tell him

tell him i need him
tell him i love him and it'll be alright
tell him i need him
tell him i love him
it'll be alright
 
now i may have faith to make mountains fall
but if i lack love then i have nothing at all
i can give away everything i possess
but am without  love then i have no happiness
i know i'm imperfect and not without sin
but now that i'm older all childish things end

i'll never be jealous and i won't be too proud
cause love is not boastful
oooh and love is not loud
tell him i need him
tell him i love him
everything is gonna be alright
now i may have wisdom and knowledge on earth
but if i speak wrong then oooh what is it worth
see what we now know is nothing compared
to the love that was shown when our lives were spared
and tell him
tell him i need him
tell him i love him
 
damn .. gotta love that song !!

Saturday, June 05, 2004

Sat, 05 Jun 2004 02:30:40 GMT

`nd i'm back .. it's been awhile but i'm here . before i get anywhere, it' more like before i forget .. i juss wanna say: CONGRATS TO THE C/O 2004 @ St. Lucy's ! esp. to my lil ladies que, nikki, augi, dez & kat ! it's been a long time (only 9 years to be exact .. haha) & i proud of all you lil ones ! you girls never fail to amaze me ! g0od luck in high sch0ol & i'll see you (que `nd nikki, my poly ladies! ) next year !

aww .. makes me reminisce on my days there .. anywho .. moving on .. hmm .. s0o let's re-cap what's been really g0od in my life .. lemme think a lil bit ..yup ! i'm gettin` nothing !! today was a really bad day for me & i'm not going anywhere tonite to make up for it .. cuz i gotta stay home ! isn't that freakin` great !? whatever tho .. i don't care .. i'm going to my homie kevin`s partaay tomorrow ( hahaha .. shake that monkey !) & that's f`sho !! o0o yeSs .. get em !! but damn .. lately, there's juss been s0o much ish for me to deal with `nd honestly .. i don't know how much more i can take of it .. even though the facial expression portrayed on the outside is juss smilin` & hidin` how i feel .. inside it's like i'm stressin` & trippen & confused .. with finals commin` up & stuff & there's s0o much more i could say but a part of me doesn't feel like puttin` it out there for tha whole world to know .. yannoe ? but for those of you who do know whussup .. i juss wanna say thanks for bein` there for me .. it means more than you know . & i would like to apolgize for my teary breakdown today .. ::sigh:: you guys know how much i hate to cry ! it just sucks cuz i feel like i've been let down .. cuz i finally put myself out there cuz i thought it would be different this time .. and it just backfired . i give up .. i don't know what else to say .. but i should've known .. i just should've known .. o0o man ! damnit i'm starting up again .. this is t0o much for me .. i'm juss gonna go . i don't have the inner strength in me to say anything more ..

g o n e .

Sunday, May 23, 2004

Sun, 23 May 2004 03:33:17 GMT

s0o .. here i am .. chillen` @ my cousin's house in el monte . we juss got back from my niece, nikki's 3rd birthday !! HAPPY BiRTHDAY NiCOLE `nd ATE SHiELA !! hmm .. yea .. it was hella fun !! it was @ this ind0or playground `nd it was hella tyte .. i think it was called under the sea . hahaha .. g0od times ! anywho .. i'm bored `nd i juss decided to type in herre ! hmm .. as for the way things are rite now .. there are g0od `nd bad things .. all in all, things could be a lot better . but yea .. guess what tomorrow is guys ?!?! MY 16TH BiRTHDAY !! why is it i'm not as excited as others seem to be .. it's not like i'm gonna do anything .. `nd plus .. if i was .. you'd definitely know about it .. i'd invite hella people ! but yea .. as for my plans tomorrow .. i have a tournament . yay for me . isn't that juss the best way to spend my birthday ?! whatever .. i'm not even gonna dwell on it cuz i'm juss gonna get sad `nd stuff that i'm gonna be spendin` my sweet 16 on a volleyball court in anaheim .. w0opty freakin` do . great .. now i'm dwelling on it .. ugh .. i'm gonna go now .. i think me `nd the fam bam are bout to watch mean girls !! g o n e .

Friday, May 07, 2004

Fri, 07 May 2004 05:16:13 GMT

it's about damn time !! .. KRiSTiNE got her PERMiT !! o0o yess .. feels real g0od !!

things are finally starting to turn around for me .

Saturday, April 10, 2004

Sat, 10 Apr 2004 23:14:57 GMT

whut up tho ?! yess . it's been a while since i've written .. damn .. even someone else has written in it before me ! (ahem .. sten ! j/k luyah ! you bitch !) not to point any fingers er anything .. hahaha . but yea .. i've decided to write since i've been "commanded by que" to write in this .. i mean it's only fair . she made my layout pretty . hahaha

hmm .. so where do i start ? nothin' really g0od has gone on .. i got my pink slip . which means i'm bout to get my permit ! o0o yess . uhm .. been kickin` it with my girls erryday afta sk0o @ ching's house . yesterday .. was g0od friday . (which i personally think is a oxymoron .. how g0od is tha day that jesus died to carry the burden to die for erryone else's sins ? yea .. think about it .) i was supposed to go out last nite wid all tha homegirls .. kinda a "girls nite out" i guess ? but yea .. my mom said i couldn't go . she said "you're not supposed to celebrate or have fun on g0od friday !" .. i see where she's commin from .. cuz instead of getting to go out . my mom only let my ate and i watch the passion of Christ . o0o man .. let me tell you ! that movie really got to me !! i cried like a baby ! (and i don't cry when i watch movies) this was tha first time that i've ever had to walk out of a movie cuz i was crying and couldn't take what i was watching !! i mean you'd think that after 9 years @ catholic sk0ol .. and having already learned about all that that i'd be okae watching it last nite .. but nope ! actually seeing it makes the difference . it changed me `nd opened my eyes to see just how much jesus suffered for the benefit of myself as well as many others . enough of that . i don't wanna get all sentimental `nd preacher-like . don't get it twisted tho .. i love tha Lord . but yea .. moving on . damn i'm sitting here .. and it does not even feel like a saturday ! it's all g0od tho .. spring break has started !! o0o yeSs ! feels real g0od ! as far as it goes for plans during spring break .. i don't have anything yet .. s0o holla @ me if somethin` comes up ! o0o yea .. how could i ferget . i do have one thing planned !! my homegirl gretchen's house partaay that i'm funna hit up on tha 16th !! `nd no doubt about it .. it's gonna be kracken !! o0o f`sho playa o0o f`sho !! anyways .. this is gettin` kinda long fer me s0o yea i think ima end it right here. aurite then .. stay up ! .. g o n e .

Thursday, March 25, 2004

Thu, 25 Mar 2004 18:17:47 GMT

hey you ateh kristine .. its sten .. im really bored right now so i decided to write you a short letter since i kno your password ..hehe..hope you don`t get mad .. well yeh how you been doin` ? me fine. everythigns goin` well i guess .. but yeh thanks for always bein` there for me kristine .. you`ve been the bestestestestestestestestest COUSIN ever. hahaha. wel gyeh always remember that im here for you no matter what. aww man im sweet huh? haha well yeno what i miss ?? (what sten?) wen the fantastic 4 use to talk on the fone for a long ass time talkin` about problems `nd stupid stuff pretty much .. yeh how we use to talk about all the stupid stuff we do `nd how we dont make sense `nd watchin` queer eye for the straight guy `nd crackin` up every damn second .. damn those were the days huh? geepers kristine I MISS YOU ALOT !!!!!! well gyeh i guess i`ll end this right here so take care of yourself. `nd oh yeh KRISTINE MARAMBA IS THE BITCHIEST OF THE BITCHERERS HAHAHAH DID I SEY THAT RIGHT ? well gyeh love you kristine MUAH !!!

-sten-

Monday, March 22, 2004

Mon, 22 Mar 2004 17:15:52 GMT

whut up tho ?! let 's start off by sayin` HAPPY BELATED BiRTHDAYS TO ELAiNE `ND KiM !! but yea i'm back .. finally . yea i'm here in my 4th period class .. well technically i'm not cuz i'm in my volleyball coach's classr0om chillen `nd usin` his computer .. yea you figure out what i'm doin` then . haha .. s0o yea as for my weekend .. it hella sucked ! let's start off wid friday nite .. i had a scrimmage that i thought was gonna take all nite but then my coach was bein` nice for some reason `nd he let us out an hour early @ 7:30 ! and the nite that my coach decicdes to let us out early .. i didn't have a damn thang ta do !! on saturday i had a hella tiring practice .. and then i was supposed to to roll to 3 parties[one was tha homegirl kim's bday party, one was my homegirl ashley's party and another was i don't know whose party but i was gon get it kracken wit my girls mariel `nd nikee] .. but that didn't happen cuz my ghetto ass didn't have a ride ! so once agen .. i missed out ! damn .. i needa start drivin` already ! speaking of driving .. i only got 1 week left in my driver's ed class then i get my permit !! o f`sho ! hmm .. and then on sunday .. yesterday .. i had a 3 hour practice once agen @ the ass-crack of dawn .. and then i had to go to my introduction ceremony thing @ 2 and then i had to go to st.lucy to practice for confirmation cuz i get confirmed this thursday !! o0o yes .. then i'll be done with the 2 years i put into this confirmation thing .. aww .. but i'm gonna really miss all tha homies i made from confirmation .. cuz goin to class was kinda our excuse to kick back and chill w/ eachother .. ::tear:: anyways .. i needa find something to do this weekend !!i kinda got something in mind that i might go through with doin .. but still holla if you got plans !! o0o yea .. things to remember : MARCH 26th is JOAN'S BiRTHDAY !! `nd MARCH 28th is COURT'S BiRTHDAY ! but yea .. anywho .. i'm gonna sleep in this class . be back s0on .. i'm gone .

Saturday, March 13, 2004

Sat, 13 Mar 2004 02:48:14 GMT

hmm .. i'm finally writing in my xanga once agen .. but yea .. i'm hella bored . and since i have a nicer xanga to come to[thanks to que ! luv ya my lil one !] i got more of a reason to write i guess .. so yea . f*@% ! here i am .. @ home on a freakin` FRiDAY night .. doing what ? writin` in my xanga !! shit . let's juss admit it, i'm a loser . well technically .. i wouldn't be sitting here doin this ish cuz i did have plans tonite .. but let's not get me started on that issue . let's juss say somethin` came up . whateva though .. i'm not even trippen . anymore .. but yea .. i still got something to l0ok forward to this weekend .. tomorrow nite i'm goin` to elaine's party ! o f`sho ! all i know is that it betta make up for tonite, i think maybe i'm havin a bad day cuz of what today actually is or should i say would've been ? o0o well .. no worries . no l0okin` back now . hmm .. as far as it goes as how things are goin` fer me right now @ this moment .. let's juss keep tha answer nice `nd simple .. i'm l0okin` fer betta days . TRUST ! things really need to get betta for me .. cuz i don't think it could get any worse . :: knock on w0od :: do you ever get to tha point where you feel like you can't seem to make anyone happy anymore ? let alone yerself ?! ugh .. whateva though .. i'm juss gonna "put a smile on my face .. `nd if anyone asks me, everythin` is okae ." --> yea .. thas tha jam: smile by tamia .. you feel me on this one ? anywho .. i don't got much else tah say .. so i'm gone .