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sniggles_85
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Name: Ju~lu, or Ju
Country: United States
State: Kansas
Metro: Wichita
Birthday: 6/4/1985
Gender: Female
Interests: theatre, writting, cosmetology, music, movies, video games
Expertise: well since im not very good at stuff... sitting on my butt watching t.v. i guess
Occupation: Artist
Industry: Entertainment
Message: message meEmail: email me
Member Since:
1/8/2005
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| random writing check it out. Your only friend is a pint of sorrow.
concern for no one, not even the Rockstar behind the war torn hero. so guarded and defensive, convinced your so alone. But Captain Jack and Sailor Jerry are always there to pacify. Taking care of you like an asylum covered in the padded walls and false security of an empty bottle.
Avoiding wont draw conclusions but drinking will solve it all. You have nothing to live for, except everything that surrounds you. Not cursed, but blessed with a second chance. you allow yourself to decay as if it never existed. none of that matters, you choose not to remember.
knowing you need assistance but would rather crave a lower form of mediocrity like nose candy, taking our concern as hypocrisy. no one could ever understand or comprehend a loss so hard causing night terrors so deep they swim in your head waiting for the right moment to strike. leaving you incapacitated begging others to come to your aide.
Holding back your hair, carrying you to bed as you sing praises you don't recollect, making up to keep us by your side like an obedient lap dog. constantly in pieces we're required to pick up for someone so wrapped up in their own sorrow nothing else matters. Creating accusations you don't even believe to justify your constant state of falsified comfort. in the morning another apology will solidify everything. can make the lying, pain inflicted, understandable.
But your babysitters have flown the coop, as you lose hope. We held on but self destruction consumes you. convinced you're the only one affected. would never assume we know what you've seen. The abuse you've taken. The lies you've been convinced were ok. They way they silenced you for their own satisfaction. The horror you've been subjected to. We'd never take that away, its the only thing you hang on to to justify your habits. Would like to badly to make it better, but you have no desire to solve, just to let it eat at you.
We Listen to daddy creeping back to hurt you. To the explosives going off next to you. Watching you feel the cigars burn into your skin. Praying you want to make it better. Weeping in the pews because we've run out of options. Trying so hard to but cant hang on with the constant downward spiraling of the plane as it crashes. i have to jump out. you have no desire for the help you beg and plead for when your demons come out. Crying out as we feed you another shot so you can sleep soundly.
Know that you're loved and those people that surround you want to listened and understand. know we did everything in our power to get you to comprehend we're on your side. not everyone is out to get you. But our comfort is never enough for the man, woman, child, buried alive in the bottle.
To love someone that craves only self destruction and running from their pain is hard. know that you can always be there when they need you, but being their care taker does you and them no good.
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| hah yeah so you can disregard the last post. dad likes him, but too much baggage for me to handle...
Wow....
hows everyone doing???
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| anxiousso i met a guy last week, and he asked to meet my parents. said he wanted to make sure if was cool with my dad if he dated his daughter. he super sweet. or seems to be. i guess ill find out. anyway im hanging out waiting for him to get here. thats the only new thing in my life. talk to you guys later.
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| i want to know why people lie to me.
i want to know why i get walked on.
i want to know why im so unnapproachable.
i want to know why im so dispensible.
i want to know why im never the one that someone wants, im always the one someone wants at the moment.
i want to know why im not good enough for someone to want to be with and just be happy with only me.
any answers??? i hope so... cause i have none.
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week in review
Current mood:  happy
lets see, break has been fun.
worked
monday through thursday. got paid friday, got gifts and stuff. then
recieved the most unexpected but definately great christmas present
ever!
saturday was alright. watched some v for vendetta, went to
the bar and catered to the drunk. nothing new. oddly enough, different
bar, same meth head.
sunday lazed around. or i must have as i dont
remember much of sunday. oh saw ps i love you, its a movie that is only
good if you want to see a super sad movie. and cry a lot laugh a little
monday i made tamales
saw
beowulf in 3D!!!! it was ok not as good as sweeny todd which i saw
before beowulf. OMG so much blood and singing, it was awesome!!!!
went
to church, and opened presents, which by the way i have the BEST
younger older sister EVER... i got guitar hero 1&2 and the 3
(legends)/ wireless guitar package THANKYOU thank you thank you thank
you!!!
Tuesday i opened santas stuff, and slept a lot.
played some guitar hero and watched weeds, which if youve never seen it is a really good show.
thats about it.
sorry it wasnt as interesting as last time. =)
Hows everyone doing????
peace out
~me~ | | |
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