Alright so recently i have been thinking about " quiet times".  What are they what should they consist of for me and such.  And i had convined myself that if i could have quiet times three times a week that,,,,,, that would be good ya know.  But why do we hold ourselves to this premeditated thought  or idea of quiet times...... spending time studying the word should be a joy not a burden i should not be at war with myself over it, ya see i think that as humans normally do we think about our free will, it has been drilled into our heads that we have this free will, this ability to decide for ourselves the things that we should do.  But in reality God is soverign, you see after we choose him free will goes away and it is no longer our will but his, isnt that the problem with our........ its our preception our coaching if you will that we can do some things ok, that we can do somethings ourselves, that humans are capable, but is it not true that every good thing comes from above, sent down from the father and if the bible is true then why do we (Christians) live our lives as subject to the laws and beleifs of this world?????????????????????????????????

Man i really miss the days when being a boy was ok.  No worries no cares.  All that mattered was being with your friends and having fun.  With no real concerns or responsibilities.  These days life is not fun its is not easy and its is very frustrating to just do the normal things.  Normalcy and complacency are the viruses that i have been infected with.  Blahhhhhhhh.......  Laziness is so easy, leaving work is so easy, not working out is so easy.  Its so hard to actually do the right thing.  Or the healthy thing.  Why cant the good be easy, are the bad be hard, why cant we stay in the bliss that is childhood.  I see supposed men and there jobs and careers and their families, and they are not happy, they hate their lives and where they are at.  Why cant there be a easy road to happiness and do you ever reach it, or are we always working towards goals that we will never reach.  Whats the point in trying if you are going to fail or come up short anything less than success is failure, i dont understand why people settle for less, they do thigns half assed and then wonder why stuff sucks.  I cant even stay at work how am i going to do school.  Failure is a scary sentiment,  giving your 100% is all anyone can ask of you, but where is the resolve to always strive for perfection when we are doing something why do we daddle aroung looking for someone else to do things for us.  Its sucks to be good at somethign or at a lot of things because teh things you are not good at become so much arder to do.  Having talent is a curse, potential is a downfall.  Becasue when you fail its like the whole world falls right on tope of you. 

Learning is tough, doing the right thing is hard, being honest is hard, being righteous is impossible, having humility is improbable, truly loving is difficult, wisdom is on short supply.  The spirit is low and fields are dry.  The mind is worn and the body is torn.  The heart is broken and bleeding all over.  The knowledge and revelation of sin is real and clear.  The responsibility is endless.  The potential is innate.  The only one that has not been disappointed is the ego. A mind is unsure, the hands unsteady and there was never a moment where Gods love has ever deminished or wavered.  Not once has his eye strayed yet his gaze has grown harder and his intentions ever more clear, the only way up is down and the way to greatness is humbleness, meekness, strength, honor, peace, love, joy all through self sacrifice