too scared to get on the scale. feeling full, even though i purged.
My stomach is stretched. Fast until... There's nothing left.
I think i puked up every emotion, in 2005. So what i'm left with is this red-faced, bloated chipmunk cheeked little fat girl with a blank stare. how wonderful.
no more excuses. This has got to stop. i'm freaking out. The drive to strarve myself into oblivion is stronger than it's ever been.
I sat in the shower, after purging lunch; rocking back and fouth with my legs hugged to my chest, aftaid of blacking out. Wet stands of hair dangled in front of my face, and hot water scolded my shoulders and back. I couldn't tell the tears from the water, pounding down on my eyes. I stood up, and turned the water off. The steamy room started to go dark. Fading in and out. Slowly everything came back into focus.
I'm trying everything i can to rid my self of this bloated feeling; chugging glass after glass of ice water, and coffee by the pot. I'm desperate, and sickly afraid of feeling like this forever.
-_-_-_-_-_-_
_edit_ So i decided i'm going to post some goals for the year. stupid, i know, but im bored.
1. first and foremost: leave bulimia for good.
2. Lose 10 pounds by Feb.5 (thats one month)
3. hold a job for more than 4 months/ save(budget) money so i can afford a place
4. No breakfast. no lunch. small portion of soup, or fruit/veggie or rice for dinner.
5. Watch less tv spend less time on the computer.. read more. &take up a nice hobby.
6. Run atleast 2 times a week. (working up to 3 times.)
More to be announced, possibly.
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