Currently Listening Becoming X By Sneaker Pimps see related

I just read  what i had posted. and feeling disgusted with it, earased it.  How calculated it sounded. too full of truth.
________

I can't be tethered to a disease of guilt and greed any more.

Fasting tomorrow. And the Next day. and the next. I want purity. -Hollow. not heavy.

I want words to ring in my ear, clear as a bell.
I want my eyes to open, like rose petals in the spring.
I want to see the world around me.
I want to be in tune with myself and others.
to feel the electricity in the air again.
i want so much for the cold ground to thaw
and the sharp cold to vanish, and the air to soften.
I want the dirt to warm so i can yet again walk
Barefoot.
I want to feel the sun on my face again.

I'm just a stupid girl who wants too much. and is far too fat.


The winter's truely taking a toll on me.
I feel completely disconnected.
I think i need to get out of this town for a while.

_________________________________
[sigh] I need a cigarette. and my boyfriend.

[edit] - I think im going to strive for my first do-able goal.  104. By Jan 31
 Seems reachable.
11:55pm - This week i'm only going to allow the following:
          Grapes
          Carrots
         Oranges
         Grapefruits
thats all. Nothing more.