a few updates...

i had a birthday.

i'm sick.

i'm going to be quitting the gap to work at ann taylor loft.

and now...  the blog.

I wasn't sure what time i was supposed to work yesterday, so i came in as early as possible, 9:45am.  I wasn't supposed to work til 10:30.  Brilliant.  So, I decided to kill some time in the break room watching The Price Is Right.  I quickly found out that Bob Barker is an old old man who couldn't care less about what people think.

Good for you, Bob Barker.

Everyone in contestant row was guessing the price (approximately) of a gemstone encrusted globe set in silver with a thermometer and a clock in it, and doing a damned fine job... that is, until the last contestant.

"Thirty nine ninety five!"

[Bob]"Alright, $3995..."

[Guy] "No... $39.95"

Bob gives him the look of death...

And the best part??  THE AUDIENCE STARTS BOOING!

So Bob asks, "Do you know why the audience is booing you?  Because for the past 30 years of this program, we have had full dollar amounts on these prizes!"  Then he proceeds to ask the contestant where he had been and what "have you done with your life?" and calls him the "weirdest man I've ever met."

Wow.

So Bob asks him if he wants to bid $40, and he chooses to bid $60.

Of course, he doesn't win, but the lady who does bounces up on stage and kisses ol' Bob Barker.

Her mission, if she should choose to accept it, is to guess if the numbers in the price of a prize are higher or lower than posted.  She has thirty seconds to do so.

She walks over and carefully, thoughtfully, picks her numbers... looks at them... looks at the audience... looks at the numbers... finally walks over to the button she needs to press to check her choice... finds out it's not right, and goes back to fix them, but the timer was out.

And what does Bob say?

"Well, THAT'S not the way to play the game!"

PIMP! TOTALLY PIMP! 

After that, the next prize that was available were the three most useful things in the world, especially together...

A set of banjos, an ottoman, and a fireplace.

WHO ON THIS SHOW IS NOT SMOKING CRACK?

I love it.

meggo.

with all your faults, i love you still...

i've decided to stop smoking.

now, i haven't been doing it for very long... and i don't really feel the need to... so, this may not seem like a big deal.

but with this, i have noticed some other things that i have been doing that i do not particularly enjoy.

sitting inside on a beautiful day.

worrying about money.

eating late at night

spending copious amounts of money at bars

not taking care of myself in general...

these things are changing.  they have to.

IN OTHER NEWS.

I may start working at Anne Taylor Loft.  A couple of their managers have been into the gap shopping and have been "blown away" by my sales skills.

Because i have hella skills when it comes to sales.

They SAY it will be more money and more hours.  The interview went extremely well... Now I await their offer.

Pray for me, or wish me luck... whichever you think will work the best.

all MY best...

meggo.

Sad Bastards! Hooray!

Second Chance Prom was fun.  What was not fun is finding out that my date put up pictures of he and my friend he had known for all of 3 hours... and none of me, you know... his DATE... so, I totally ended up feeling like a ticket.  But the event itself was fun, and that's what counts. 

Thanks for the food, ash!  I'm glad I could be of some use.

Today, I went fooooood shopping.  I got lots of good healthy things... and then things for my white trash birthday party.  hooray!  Price Chopper had a 10 for 10 sale on a lot of stuff, so I got 2 cake mixes, a plethora of macaroni noodles, an exorbitant amount of shredded cheese (for my FABU! mac and cheese bake), some koolade, and 10 2 LIT BOTTLES OF SODA... no one will go thirsty, that's for sure.  for myself, I got the ever important triscuts, squeeze cheese, and mini gherkins.  yum. 

Don't ask. It's not worth it.

But, in resolution, the weather has been beautiful, things are blooming, the sun is shining, and I'm not sweating my ass off, so might as well take the next couple of days I'm off to enjoy life.

and not in front of the tele.  What a concept!

hope you're doing the same.

I feel the need to make some major life adjustments.

I got my hair chopped off... that's a start.

I'm very angry at myself right now.  Mainly because of money.  For the amount of money I have in bills in ratio to the amount of money I'll be making from paycheck to paycheck, I SHOULD be able to live rather well.  Not exhuberantly, obviously, but I should have plenty to cover my expenses.

But as it stands right now, the situation I've gotten myself into by not saving my money, I'm incredibly uncomfortable.  I've become used to a lifestyle of going out, having a good time, and being carefree.  Now I realize, that doesn't have to include the drop of a wad of cash. 

I have depended on people in the past.  I have come to hate it.  I will do virtually anything to keep myself from borrowing money... I'll drive you around, sure... I'll clean your room, of course... I'll even shave off your corns!  I just don't want to owe anymore.  Charity has made my stomach turn.

I don't want to have to scrimp.  And I wouldn't have to, if i had not been so sure that I had it all figured out.  I was duped by my own self assuredness.  And that is something for which I will never be able to forgive myself.

The only thing I can do now is to change from this point on.  That could mean a plethora of things... even moving.  Part of me wants to get away... but more of me wants something to stay here for.  That is what I have to work towards.

I'm getting the feeling that I'm depending too much on my friends emotionally, as well.  Every now and then I wonder why I feel the need to entertain and be entertained... to be around people at all times... why?  I don't really need constant validation.  No one does.  But I feel like my only time to myself is spent with a television, and if i'm not talking to someone, I don't really exist. 

Am I some character in someone else's solipsism?

This is why I need to get back into school.

Christ. 

meggo.