some_other_fat_girl's Xanga

The Fat One Is Back

Sat, 31 May 2008 16:40:10 GMT

I was reading through this old weblog of mine and suddenly got nostalgic for the good ol' times of weight loss and being a runner.

things have changed a bit.
my physical activity has dropped nearly to null, leaving me feeling dull, out of shape, heavy; kind of like an amorphous blob.
i smoke now. or, at least, i did, up until last night. i finished off my last Misty 120 last night and i plan on never letting a cigarette touch my lips again.
i'm in a relationship with a guy who cheated on me last November, and i want to liberate myself, but in a way, it's almost as if there is nothing i can do. i mean, i have a phone plan with him for chrissakes. i suppose i could take my line off of his plan, seeing as how he's the main account holder, but thats not the point i'm trying to make.
i literally eat the opposite of what i used to. junk foods and junk drinks and alcohol and candies. i eat a lot of these at night, too, which isn't so good. used to be i'd have a (real) fruit smoothie for dinner and be done eating by 7pm every night.

i want to lose weight again so badly. i know i can do it if i just apply myself. the weather's still cool, even though it's going to be June in less than 24 hours. i could run outside without being too uncomfortable.

i just think i've become unhappy with the way things have been for me lately. i want a change. i want something different.

So, thats basically why I'm back here. This journal really did something magic for me, and if I can't get support for losing wight from the people around me, then I know i'll be able to get it here.

The fat one is back.

Thursday, May 25, 2006

Thu, 25 May 2006 20:45:00 GMT

School's out and tomorrow shall start the summer weight-loss excursion for me. It's more of a continuation of last year's efforts than anything. I sort of got cut short and didn't make it to my goal weight of 140 because of school, but now that I've had a bit of off-time, I'm going to get right back into running and everything like that. Hopefuly I'll make it down to 140, or perhaps even lower than that (supposedly my "ideal weight" is 120, so we'll have to see how far I can get before school starts again)

I'M STARTING A NEW XANGA FOR A (fairly) NEW BEGINNING.

Comment if you want the name

<3 sofg

Saturday, May 13, 2006

Sat, 13 May 2006 14:05:29 GMT

I woke up two pounds lighter today than I was a week ago.

CW: 154.5

Saturday, May 06, 2006

Sat, 06 May 2006 21:22:43 GMT

Summer break starts in 19 days for me, which means that I onlyhave to wait 19 more days until I can start a training routine for the summer. Running, biking, dieting. Yes, I'm doing it all over again. I had hoped that, in leaving home and going away to school, I was going to settle back into a normal eating routine, but I haven't. I'm still scared of food and of gaining weight.
So, I'm going to pick up running again once I've moved back home for the summer. Hopefully I'll be able to achieve my goal of running a mile in under 7 minutes and 30 seconds. It's not such a lofty goal, I don't think; I ran a 7:47 less than a year ago, I can do it again this year, if not better.

My weight, as of this morning, is 156.5. I was around 151 at the beginning of the school year (august 29), got all the way back up to 167 during th winter, and am now slowly shedding the pounds again. I've stopped drinking coffee every day, I rarely drink diet coke, I avoid things with zero-calorie sweeteners (because they're so harmful) and I drink 16-20 cups of water a day. I've also gone pollo-vegetarian. I take vitamins daily, hardly eat sweets or high-fat foods, and have more than the reccomended daily amount for both fruits and vegetables.
I haven't eaten pizza in over 4 months, nor have I eaten ice cream or brownies in nearly that long, as well.

So, I don't know why I still feel so unhappy with myself. I want to lose more weight, grow my hair, get better skin. Why am I so criticial of myself?

I'll be back again, with the whole calorie-counting, exercise-documenting scheme. It's going to be just like old times, I tell you. Just like old times indeed.

<3 sofg

Saturday, April 29, 2006

Sat, 29 Apr 2006 02:37:20 GMT

Today, the boy told me that I have skinny fingers.

I don't know if he realizes how that feeds my addiction...

Sigh.

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Wed, 26 Apr 2006 01:13:51 GMT

p.s. -- I'm doing well with the whole pollo- pesco-vegetarian thing. The only time I've had red meat was on Easter when I had ham, but of course I'm going to give myself a break for that becaus, hey, it was a holiday and the ham was extra salty & juicy & gooood.
I also think that I'm losing weight now that it's warm outside & such. I haven't been eating much lately -- food is kind of boring to me nowadays, which is weird because I've always loved it so much. I've been running, too, and just getting more active in general. Life is good, but I can't wait for the summer when i can devote my free days to exercise & then I'll be able to lose at least 20 more pounds by next fall. Yessss.

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Wed, 26 Apr 2006 00:41:27 GMT

So, I'm involved with this boy now. Let's call him J. And J really likes me. A lot. He's maybe an inch taller than me, with short brown hair and he's basically ALL muscle. I'm not even exaggerating. He's in Karate and takes Yoga class with me and he's told me that he really, really likes me.
He sent me flowers and bought me oranges, and when we went for a walk together in the woods behind our school, we had a long conversation and....

And he told me that he thought that I had a nice body. HE LIKES MY BODY. Does this mean I've succeeded? Am I wrong in wanting to lose more weight than I already have? IS my body really... good? Eating disorders kind of leave you with a really demented outlook on your appearence, and hearing him say that--and him being the first ever do so in such a blunt way-- kind of turns my whole world upside down, so to speak. It's odd. I don't know how to feel.

Today we went for a walk and we layed down in a field together and he kissed me as I lay there. We were just laying there, watching the sky, talking about mythology and all kinds of things, and he kept looking at me and playing with my hair. It all sounds so romantic... the flowers, the gifts, the compliments and hugs and kisses... yet I'm still so unsure about how I feel about him. I don't know what to do. Sometimes weight loss comes with more than just improved health and better self-esteem.

AHHHH. fuck.

<3 sofg

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Tue, 28 Mar 2006 20:54:39 GMT

sjbd;fhf I'm getting my eyebrow pierced tomorrowwwww.

AND I dyed my hair this lovely mixture of red-black, & it now looks the color of dark rosewood, & I love itttt.

I haven't b/p'd since Sunday. Hooray for me and self-control.

more later

<---//EDIT//--->

I think I'm going to try going pesco/pollo-vegetarian, meaning that I'm going to eat fish and chicken only. No turkey, pork, beef, duck, deer, etc., etc. I think that, eventually, I'm going to go strictly pollo-vegetarian because I don't really eat a whole lot of fish anyways, and maybe (if I'm feeling adventuruous) I'll cut off chicken completely, but that's still a ways away and left to be determined by time and personal experience.

Hooray.

<3 M

Monday, March 27, 2006

Mon, 27 Mar 2006 15:56:59 GMT

Montel Williams did a show on Eating Disorders today.
I almost started crying because so much of what the girls were saying rang true with me.

Sigh. Such a sad state of affairs...

<3 M

Sunday, March 26, 2006

Sun, 26 Mar 2006 21:33:04 GMT

Mmm. Today has been alright.
Woke up, dropped brother Patrick off at the greyhound station, got coffee, exercised at LTF for half an hour, came home, got hairdye (yumm), and ran two miles.

When I first set out to go running today I had no intentions of really pushing it, but I was listening to the Run Lola Run soundtrack and DAMN, that music really gets me motivated to run as fast as I possibly can.
I wasn't officially timing, but I estimated that I ran the first mile in about 8 minutes 30 seconds. Definitely not as good as last summer's record (7:47:35) but I was satisifed enough, considering that one year ago today, that time was at about 12 minutes.

Other than that, not much else has been going on.
I did, however, see V for Vendetta this weekend. Now that is a hardcore movie, ladies. Natalie Portman is amazing. I'd advise you all to go see it, whether you think you like movies like that or not.

Well, that's about it for today. Stay strong ladies!

<3 M