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Wednesday, March 05, 2008

2007 Sep - 2008 Mar (year -i dont want to mention)
so far........ life is still quite challenging for me, but i have learnt to face it.
Havent typed xanga for roungly... 3- 4 months already, didnt have the motivation to do so, kind of fully abandoned xanga, i have even forgotten my password for it occasionally, and had to ask my friend for it.
anyway, this year has been an extremely tough, yet awesome year for me, set backs, yet have to keep going on with schoolwork, face things and people, need to explain things, talk to people about school work...
this year, i came round to face myself, really try and encourage myself in facing facts, such as the back set back of repeat, have put on a content, 'everything's ok' emotional mask in front of people even before i realised it, acting as if i am perfectly ok with everything, when i am not at all ok, as i keep having the feeling of -everyone else's moving on- [which IS the fact] and -people are looking down on me- [feeling]
after around half a year of real struggle, real emotional and mental pain, I came round to a wonderful, fantasy- like fact, which is.... I have been accepted by an U.S. uni!
however, i have no idea why, but perhaps the pain from the set- back was really strong, i felt that.. i have been semi- left out from the crowd, or maybe.. i have been thinking too much. felt as if... i am no longer part of the group.
when i was still applying to u.s. unis, i have always had this fantasy feeling:
if i did manage to get into an u.s. uni in the end, then i shall be moving on like everything else! which means.... when the rest of my friends are going off to uni/ college/ gap year, i shall be off as well! and i shan't be left alone in this school... still working on my last year.
so far.. i have achieved: applied and got an unconditional offer from Penn State Uni, completing my application for 3 other unis. completed my Grade 5 theory exam, hoping for a pass, which will lead me to next tuesday's Grade 7 violin exam. i have also fought against myself emotionally and mentally, broken out from my shell, and really shared my feelings to teachers and a close friend at school.
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
19 years old.......... my last teenage year...
so far, I have learnt to really face myself (esp. my weakness academically), experienced growing, fought myself against tough times, and loneliness; and perhaps... at some point... i have experienced GOd as well...
but still, there are still a lot of mini evidence which i tell for myself that... i still cant take the fact in. but the acceptance of university has kind of covered it up for me, but i know from close friend's at school's reminders that... uni is going to be even tougher than this year, i wonder... but Sep 2008, would i be ready for my new challenges.... or not.

Monday, November 05, 2007

became totally inspired while having a 2 hours chat with a friend of mine who is currently doing Ph.D Physics in Cambridge last night.
chatting with this friend is like having a really casual but educating lesson (wont fall asleep at all = D), as she kept teaching me new stuff on the phone, without really being aware of it at all.
she secured my thoughts on a few things, such as Geography is really everything, and that subjects are inter-linked. topics/ issues are being separated is a total man- made business.
as i am currently studying Geography, and have been struggling in finding (a) book(s) that is about Geography, and there she was, recommended "Guns, Germs and Steel" and "Collapse" by Jared Diamond. [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Guns%2C_Germs_and_Steel]
This book links almost all topics together, but the main thing that it talk about is the reason for different countries to have war, and the way (a) country(/ies) become highly civilised. the reason different countries are having war is because of ... FOOD! whereas the reason for some countries being able to become highly developed/ civilised is because they do not have shortage of food, you see U.S. as a First world country, do they have problems with food, except havin too much food? no! so they are now highly civilised, but i guess they are just the desire of having more that they are at war with Iraq, a country rich in fuel.
she also reminded me that, it really doesnt matter how long you are spending time on a certain level, for if you really actually need that much time on a certain thing, in order to understand a fact or a theory, then spend however long you need on it.
she pointed out to me that Geography at some point is actually even more complicated than Physics, as Geography links humanilities, history and psychology and many other subjects together. the big topic, sustainable development is all Geography, as this topic talk about improving the living standards or people while perserving the Earth's resources, i.e. not disrupting the ecosystem.
While physics are basically a whole load of dead objects bombing or sliding towards each other, causing forms of energy, sound, heat and/ or reactions to happen, and to calculate them, you use all those funny symbols and formulae.
i have also manage to have a little glaze at the current topic in Ph.D physics: the structure of black hole and the density of it, which relates to Newton! = )

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Great Malvern, United Kingdom					Current Nearest Observations: clear 8蚓 North Westerly Wind (5 mph) Relative Humidity (%): 79, Pressure (mB): 1027, Rising, Visibility: Very good View this forecast in Fahrenheit




	Symbol key (Help!) Please move your mouse over a symbol to view its description.

	07:00 (Thursday)	3蚓	5	Moderate	1033	95

	10:00 (Thursday)	6蚓	3	Moderate	1035	92

no wonder it was so cold this morning when i woke up quite un-usually early (for this term) at around 6.30am, couldnt get back to sleep (good sign, good stuff! half pleased [at last! again! yay~! as i used to always wake up by myself without any alarm at 6.30am], half in mourn (kind of want to sleep more, but dont feel like it at all)... the temperature was quite cold, even though i was in my bed, with an extra blanket on... and according to this BBC weather website, it was around 3蚓 only (3 degree C only), and yes, the sky was very clear as you can see in the pictures that i took

Thursday, September 27, 2007

apparently: 這一年月圓不在中秋 (copied sentence)
but i wonder is this true, and i should think that it IS mid- autumn festival within these two days... coz greetings are being said, and em.. presents are being sent and received... so i dunno, anyway, "this" moon was the one i saw last night:

... a full moon , and so is tonight's :

an absolutely gigantic one... !!
tonight's moon was kind of even brighter and it scared me a tiny bit when i saw it, then i couldnt help it but to grab my camera and took tonnes of pictures of this clear, bright moon on this almost cloudless night. it was like a lamp more than just a moon, it was just so very bright. i couldnt see any stars though, in order to place next to it...

ignore the time by the way, it wasn't right (although the date's correct)...
it was about 8.45pm at night then

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

i wonder what's going on with xanga, i guess quite a few people have the same problem.
that is, we kept being logged onto some other random people's subscrition when we just want to see our own ones. weird xanga...
anyway, here're some pics that i took recently, i.e. this morning and just now.
woke up at 7am-ish, when i looked at the curtains, it was orangy, then i walked to the curtain, opened it, and this was what i saw, with a few pigeons flying on the bottom right hand corner:

with a pigeon standing next to it:

with just a little realisation, there is acutally a beautiful cross, and it is actually just my bedroom window...

took another pic of the sky during the course of the day, this was around 9am-ish, 10am
and i took this one just now, mid- autumn festival...
the moon was truly magnificent, it was gigantic when i saw it from my bedroom window.
i was trying to figure out how to make the moon look prettier, as it look like this before:
it was still alright, but i wanted to be able to see the clouds as well, and i wasnt at all concentrating on wanting to take a picture of the balcony (it is not accessible anyway), but the gigantic moon.
anyway, i figured that i can actually use "indoors" lateron, which is quite non- sense when you are taking a picture of the moon, at night. anyway, this one was a better one:
Happy Mid- Autumn Festival!
= )