As I gather the pair of songs that I will be presenting come Monday as part of my "manifesto" to my World Literature class, I cannot help but consider the kind of person I have become through my years at high school; in a sense, they have both changed dramatically, and yet at the same time not at all.

This "manifesto" is actually not meant to be a project, but more of a chance for us to show to our classmates not only the changes they have observed in us, but our own knowledge of who we are, the personal emotions and tastes we carry that may not have so easily revealed themselves to the outside world. Because of this manner of presentation, our teacher has encouraged us to utilized any form of media in order to provide ourselves with contextual examples of scenarios or pieces of music that truly define who we are. For a time, I was not sure how I would define myself in certain terms, as much of the music I listen to is upbeat and "hardcore", but not truly reflective of my personality.

There is one song, however, that I have discovered to be the closest explanation of my life as a whole since only a few years ago, not in any negative sense (although the lyrics suggest otherwise) of defining my social status. An excerpt of this song, "Stray" (which is located on my music playlist here on this site as well), is shown below:

In the cold breeze that I walk along
The memories of generations burn within me
Been forever since I cried the pain of sorrow
I live and die, proud of my people gaining

I'm here standing at the edge
Starin up at where the moon should be

Stray!
No regrets 'cause I got nothin to lose
Ever stray!
So I'm gonna live my life as I choose
Until I fall..


In the white freeze, I never spoke of tears
Or opened up to anyone including myself
I would like to find a way to open to you
Been awhile, don't know if I remember how to

I'm here waiting on the edge
Would I be alright showing myself to you?
It's always been so hard to do..

The bolded passages are what I find to be the most important sections to discuss, as they have an eerie way of connecting directly to my own life. The "pain and sorrow" is that of my mother's passing due to ALS, a fact that I must admit has since not seen me with tears at any particularly emotional event, hence it having "been forever". Standing at the edge (perhaps a place I set myself due to my own behavior), I'm always on the corner of stability and disaster, speaking or acting to save myself at the last possible second, a connection to my tendency to procrastinate. That, of course, leads into the living as I choose, for I fully admit I live a carefree and (mostly) unfocused lifestyle, one in which very little has influenced me beyond my own decisions and thoughts.

And what of the "opening up" stanza? Clearly, my friends know I am a seclusive person; I refrain from almost all social events except the largely important ones (such as prom, etc.), preferring instead to spend my hours on the computer in a variety of self-activated games and opportunities. As a result, I have opted too often to remain in this "at rest position" to a point where I wonder if I am capable of progressing into a more sociable state very easily. Add all this truth together with a melodic string of notes, and you have yourself what I consider to be my defining song... at least for the moment.

Perhaps this will change as I make the immigration into Western Michigan, perhaps not, but this is nevertheless a reflection that is important to note. This presentation may be but 10 minutes of explanation to my classmates, but to me, it is a solidifying of all the beliefs I have held in my years of life.

Plus, Steve Conte is an amazing singer.

~sincerely, sonicmega :3

Painf-alse Memories

Gossip is something I am well aware of in terms of its existence, a typically negative string of assumptions and stereotypes that will always hold a place in society regardless of attempts to diminish its frequency.

It's because of my acknowledgement of this fact that I tend not to let it hold any significance in my daily activities; despite the constant influence it holds among the younger students in school, I prefer to ignore the situation whenever a particular piece of discussion arises during the free time we so rarely are granted in my IB classes. Heck, I'll openly admit that I've been the subject of some of those "gossip topics" on more than one occasion, although those usually were of a more dormant nature than ones more likely to insult and damage reputations.

It's the latter type of gossip, however, that is truly the most deadly, because depending upon your popularity within the clique that first spreads it, it does not necessarily have to be true to be believed. This exact occurance is something I have been dealing with for the past week and a half now, as I match wits against a rumour about me I have not had to deal with since it first spawned in the middle of my freshman year at high school.

Recently, I have had to answer to at least 3 people who have come up to me in times of relative ease and relaxation, questioning the activites I partake in during school hours by asking me the following question:

"So, I heard that you masturbated in the Boy's Locker Room once?" *insert accompanying wanking motion here*

As if the motion itself was unnecessary enough, I also find it rather odd how each person to bring this up has declared it at a volume I am positive was intended to search the hallway for any other available ear, grab it by the drum, and drag it to our position to provide yet another witness to the crimescene. The reference itself originates from my freshman year during the time I participated on the Boys Varsity swim team, a regime after school that almost always involved a lengthy shower after our grueling but practical practices. Being by far the youngest on the team, I was at the time still conscious of my level of nudity among the others, particularly due to 2 of them (whose names I shall keep hidden for sake of dignity, despite my opinion that they do not deserve such) who sought fun in the form of "no homo" gropes and nude antics; yes, I was the kid who wore the less-than-serious looking swimsuit as he showered, but whatever protected my "stuff" from the prying hands of others was good enough of a tactic for me.

Frankly, I don't even know how this rumour started, for aside from the obvious fact that it never ocurred I can state numerous other names of members on my team who came much closer to doing the real thing, whether jokingly or not. Nevertheless, it pains me to see that even 4 years later my remaining shreds of pride left intact by sheer willpower are now being harassed by the thoughts that now plague the minds of not just those who dared to find out the truth, but especially the many who take the given information to be true without suggesting to themselves that the actual subject may have another view. I know why this is of course... popularity; any gossip made about a particularly well-liked/respected person in my school is met immediately with joking laughs and, often, a redirecting of the victim of that gossip to someone who is less desirable. Should the original subject be of a less cared-for nature, however, a magical standard appears that forces all who hear the news to instantly regard it as truth. After all, they must be those kinds of people, why else would someone be talking about them this way?

Even now, I'm wondering how much longer this is going to continue, for although I wish to put a plug in the bathtub filled with deceit and lies, I also wish not to suddenly include those who remain unknowing of this gossip by universally declaring my opposition to the entire scenario.

LONG STORY SHORT: Gossip is an ass I need to connect to with my foot.

~sincerely, sonicmega

CigarECHHs

I will never honestly see what it is in products like cigarettes and tobacco that are so appealing to those who use it that they are willing to shorten their lives, their financial status, and their general health just for that "next fix".

This includes the people who refute the claim of addiction, stating that they are nothing more than "casual smokers" to those who bring up the point - I don't care if you smoke a single cigarette a week, you're still smoking, and I don't see any legitimate purpose for you to be doing so.

Although this goes along the same lines as many other activites I find apalling to partake in regularly, such as drugs involving needle injections and anything involving razors, smoking itself holds a much larger piece of my concern due to the percentage of the world population that thrives (or rather, wilts) on it. Nevermind the fact that Truth, for a significant period of time by this point, has been attempting to spread the news I am already so aware of to those living in our generation (their newest method of approach, compared to what I remember of their past commercials, is something I find rather... interesting, if not a fairly inaccurate and unorthodox attempt to garner the attention of people who are already smoking; considering a large majority of users partly participate in the act in order to feel "older", I highly doubt throwing cartoony satires at them will do much good in swaying their nicotine-influenced minds).

Consider this a knock-off attempt at an original entry after having viewed the "suggested question" of the day courtesy of XangaTeam, but it does bring to mind the numerous occasions in which I have been subjected to programs in school designed to remind me of the perilous path of puffing packs, amongst the random video assuring me that YOU CANNOT OBTAIN AIDS FROM EVERYDAY NORMAL PHYSICAL CONTACT ("What about holding hands, Mr. van Arsdale?"). What is interesting is that few of these programs ever mention anything more efficient in terms of usage of time other than sports and physical activites. What's to say that online games or videogames in general, albeit not as healthy to the body as physical sports, do not provide just as adequate a distraction from the choice to smoke?

In fact, I ask anyone out there who smokes and happens to read this entry, or who may not smoke but know an available friend who would be willing to read this, to answer me this simple question: why. Why is it important to you, satisfying to you, necessary to you, to spend your time and money on a product filled with more ingredients no human should consume than a Big Mac from McDonalds? Until I have been proven of their worth by an unrefutable arguement, I can assure everyone here that my resentment towards the abomination known as the cigarette will never take a rest from the state at which it exists now.

Disgusting.

Of Mice and Markers

My friend sleeps soundly behind me, passed out in a rather disfigured fashion upon having discovered that his listless eyes were not the result of boredom but, in fact, the lack of sleep he had managed to express during the previous evening. I intend to bring him home shortly, but not before taking time to write the 2nd part of the entry I began on Wednesday.

I will attept to say truthfully that there are not a lot of things that bother me in life; almost certainly I realize that the concepts and actions I am displeased with are often met with a very emotional reaction from my person, but overall I tend not to let myself be overly annoyed by these inconsistencies in life. However, there are but a small number of things that simply get on my nerves by their very manner of existence, to which I shall list some of the most prominent below.

1. Internet Christians - before you rail me for thinking I am describing any person on the internet that is a Christian, realize that I mean specifically those people who feel it is their sworn duty to see to it that every single user who does not believe in the grace of the Lord as fervently as they do is deserving of a chewing out of epic proportions. This would be tolerable to me if their ranting was simply that, a list of supported statements that I need only refute. However, it is the fact that 95% of the Christians I have started "reasonable debates" with have resorted to calling me names and dropping bombs of the F generation as soon as I bring up a hard-to-disprove point. I say only this: if you are afraid of the fire, don't play with the match.

2. Squeaky Markers - This is by far the most evil signal of a deteriorating consumer good that I have ever come across in my life, and I am glad to no end that our school has appropriate funds to allow a constant influx of new cases of these items, but I have yet to escape the pure torture that is sitting through a professor's use of a marker that, as everyone in the class is well aware of, should have relocated its resting place to the trashbin weeks ago. The unrelenting screeeeeeeeee as it drawls across the board a shriek into my very soul, I have vowed that if I should ever come across an abandoned marker that squeaks I shall see to it that the next bonfire has within it a rather unexpected visitor.

3. 4kids - Please, guys, GTFO of my anime. It's one thing dealing with the naturally less desirable American dubs of suspenseful series anyway, but to have an atrocious cast thrown into the mix to "revive" the characters is simply an overkill that was not necessary in the least. Part of my aspiration to become a successful voice actor is to, if nothing else, provide a single break from the constant embarassment you have provided to viewers in removing whatever comes across as "dangerous" in television content, including the REPIGMENTATION of a character who simply looks "too black". If you ask me, that sounds more like racial intolerance than the intent you hold behind preventing children from developing it themselves.

It's strange, since this is the first time in a while that I have openly whined about a variety of subjects, but I suppose it's just another realm in which to try my hand at what kind of reading experience I can provide.

In other news, MY FLASH IDEA GOT ACCEPTED. EXPECT ANIMATION TO COMMENCE THIS SUMMER. :3

~sincerely, sonicmega