I think i have to admit it now. Work & school has really taken its toll on me. I've been doing realy bad on tests. In class, i'm always tire, too tire to think. If i'm not falling asleep, then i'm doing homework for other classes. I never pay attention to the lessons. So when it comes for test/quizzes...i bomb it. People tell me..i have no life. Before..i would disagree...but now..i don't know anymore. I'm like too lazy to do homework or study, cause i don't have time for me anymore, so whatever time i have..i go online trying to have some fun. I dont get enough sleep now. Having all seven periods blows. And with stress coming from the family, junoir year, UCs, and the future itself..is not helping me at all. I don't even wanna go to a college anymore..let alone a UC. But why the hell am i trying to hard to get into one? Because of my parents. I don't know why my parents are always saying "You're studying for you..not for me." Well...you know what? I'm really am studying for them. I'm fcking doing all this shit..jsut to make them happy. So they can brag to people that their daughter went to a UC studying to become a doctor. Cause if it was up to me, after highschool, i'm done. And my parents say they don't need me to work. Well, if i don't, who the hell is going to give me money to spend. And who the hell is going to help out? Defintely not the brother. *Sigh.
Like, i want a boyfriend, i really do. I think i'm done being single. I really want someone to call during my break at work, and i could vent to him how the customers are pissing me off. Or i'll call him to tell him i miss him & that i love him. I want someone to hold me when i'm cold, lonely, and tire. And i wanna hugg him whenevr the hell i feel like it..and grabb his hands..and hold it. But at hte same time, do i even have time for him? During breaks at school, i'm working. After school..i'm working. Any days that i'm not working..is school work. so you see..it's all..school & work. That's why..right now, i'm trying to look for someone who kinda has his own life too. Who won't need me around cause he is busy. and when we can, we'll spend our free time with each other.  But is there anyone like that right now?

I have huge bags..and dark circles...yay......

I hate the damn mother fcken store Shiek. I found a pair of heels that would go perfectly with my dress..and they said they had it. but later..teh ytold me they couldnt find it. damn bitches.

So there's this guy..who's got me feeling..really out of place lately. I know it's really pathetic. But i can't help it. I haven't felt like how he's making me feel in the longest time.  He knows that i like him. So which makes it even harder to talk to him. So, we don't have convosation..which means i don't know anything about him. What i know about him, i found out from other people. So people ask..why do you even like him? I don't even know. It's just..there's something about it. Like..the smallest glimspe of hope he gives me..will get me smiling for days. But thast all i get..is a glimpse of hope. I saw his ex girlfriend...and she's really pretty. I'm nothing compare to her. Not to mention..she's older [ but still younger than him]. Everytime..i see her picture..i get sad. like...i don't know how to explain it. But what i'm feeling..really sucks. I feel pathetic.  I know alll that this is gunna be..is a one-sided love.
Theres this other guy..we'll call him Bob. So..a friend of Bob & i told me [ before] that Bob thought i was hot. And when i tal kto BoB, he'd tried to ask my out [ like onn a date] couple of times..but i always find an excuse to not go. Ad when i'm down, Bob would try to make me feel better. I know he wanted to get to know me better, but i kept pushing him away. And now, i really regret it. Today, when Bob hugged me..he had his arm around my waist..which i really like..and after i let go..he was still hugging me. He only let go until i turned away..and asked him a question. So i'm thinking i should really give Bob a chance..and ask him out to like the movies or something.

Grabb onto what you can.

So on wednesday..daddy, mommy, & i went to go buy my camera. After going back and fourth between cicuit city, sears, & target. We finally stop at sears cause it was the cheapest. And like..i thought Fry's has really cute guy workers...but i was wrong. Sears has even cuter guys! hahaha. Tony, was the guy that was sellign teh camera to us. its soo cute how he was speaking viet to my parents. hahaha.. anyways..we sended up getting the Sony Cyber Shot. I didn't know there was a pink one..-.- so i got the silver one.

Anyways...break is boring..BUT i like it! ahaha Too bad its ending sooon. Didnt even do homework...or work out. ARGGG.

Yesterdae was so fun. Cindy IMed me and said let's hang out cause she was sick this whole week.  I asked my brother to drive me, but he said no. So i had to pay him 5 dollar..but he wont take me til 2:30. So i thought i do some homework since i was going to work on sunday. But i freaking left my homework in my locker. T_T Anywho, cindy & i walked to safeway to buy food cause we felt like cooking. We spent a while there..cause we kept walking back & fourth looking for stuff. Then cindy got me some jamba juice. She was scare i was going to get full from it. We made Tuna Kimbap, vegetarian pizza, & some ice cream & cookie desert. So good :]. Oh yeah, we got janet a valentine card. It sings. haha. We hung out a bit. We planned to exercise..but her uncle Matt came & drove us to her aunt's house. I got to see Kelly, Shawn, Q, & Quinn again! Omg..i haven't seen them sicne they were like babies. Mostly Quinn, he's liek 6 now! ahah. Yeah. Me & Shawn kept fighting over the piano. Cause i was palying jingle bells, & he said i stole it from him. Q taught me how to Speed. She so kicked my butt. Well, she cheated! ahah i was distracted by Uncle Matt. I got to meet Ilene, Luc, & Sarah. Omg..sarah is soo adorable. Then played Spoons with Kelly's parents. Katie finally came. Watched Katie eat. Then she drove me home. Getting to meet Cindy's family makes me hlla jealous. Seeing how close & loving they are, makes me wonder why cant i have a family liek that? They were all planning their family trip ti Hawaii together. Shoot, my family cant even have a decent New Year dinner together. Well, on my mom side is cool. but sadly they're like..10,000 miles away. *sigh. so yeah. Aynways, got work in about 30 minutes. I was talking to Cindy & Janet. It was like a group hug moment cause we talked about things i thought i couldnt talk to them about. But we we're being so open. Well me & janet atleast anyways. Cindy was jsut helping me make fun of janet. hahaha. They were giving me advice about the situation i'm in. I thnk they give the best advice because they KNOW. They we're there when it happen. Thye know him, they know me. I don't have to tell them THE WHOLE story from the begining. They know what to say. Most people i tell it to, they..they kinda give a bias opinion & advice. They try to make me feel beter so they tell me things i already know..and what they think will make me feel better.

sh4k3d4tm0nk3y (11:53:54 AM): i was depress ohkay
ii LUB yu (11:54:24 AM): eww. but now you can forget all about him........... righttt? 
ii LUB yu (11:55:17 AM): ........... i guess not
ii LUB yu (11:55:17 AM): lol
D B S K lovelies (11:55:20 AM): hahaaha
D B S K lovelies (11:55:29 AM): his pictures aren't really hot or anything
ii LUB yu (11:55:38 AM): lol i know.
sh4k3d4tm0nk3y (11:55:59 AM): thats what makes me so mad
sh4k3d4tm0nk3y (11:56:03 AM): he's not hot or anything..
sh4k3d4tm0nk3y (11:56:07 AM): but why...do i stil...
sh4k3d4tm0nk3y (11:56:09 AM): you know
D B S K lovelies (11:56:46 AM): cause you still see him as the old rey
D B S K lovelies (11:56:46 AM): lol
sh4k3d4tm0nk3y (11:56:47 AM): and he's so imamture & narrow minded
sh4k3d4tm0nk3y (11:57:00 AM): yeah..maybe thats it
ii LUB yu (11:57:05 AM): yeaaaah
ii LUB yu (11:57:20 AM): but he really did change..
D B S K lovelies (11:57:59 AM): but that sleeeeeep over.. eck
D B S K lovelies (11:58:00 AM): lol
ii LUB yu (11:58:22 AM): he use to be...........
ii LUB yu (11:58:24 AM): clean
sh4k3d4tm0nk3y (11:58:30 AM): lol clean?
sh4k3d4tm0nk3y (11:58:32 AM): like..how?
sh4k3d4tm0nk3y (11:58:33 AM): ahahah
ii LUB yu (11:58:34 AM): well not really
ii LUB yu (11:58:38 AM): but not that.... you kno
ii LUB yu (11:58:38 AM): lol
sh4k3d4tm0nk3y (11:58:50 AM): huh?
sh4k3d4tm0nk3y (11:58:50 AM): LOL
sh4k3d4tm0nk3y (11:58:56 AM): janet..WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?
ii LUB yu (11:59:01 AM): well im saying like... 
ii LUB yu (11:59:02 AM): hahhaha
D B S K lovelies (11:59:03 AM): HAHAHA
ii LUB yu (11:59:12 AM): he didnt sleep with girls over at his house you know
ii LUB yu (11:59:21 AM): unless.. . theres something i ddint kno about
ii LUB yu (11:59:22 AM): lol
sh4k3d4tm0nk3y (11:59:42 AM): oh man..i feel like this is..like in those movie..where i get all depress about this..and i'm drunk..and you guys are here giving me pep talk to make me feel better
sh4k3d4tm0nk3y (11:59:46 AM): lol
ii LUB yu (11:59:57 AM): wtf?
ii LUB yu (11:59:59 AM): lol
D B S K lovelies (12:00:00 PM): yea but you're probably just drinking juice
sh4k3d4tm0nk3y (12:00:01 PM): lol
D B S K lovelies (12:00:02 PM): hahahha
sh4k3d4tm0nk3y (12:00:04 PM): LMAO
sh4k3d4tm0nk3y (12:02:12 PM): janet..just send what you're typing
sh4k3d4tm0nk3y (12:02:12 PM): lol
D B S K lovelies (12:02:16 PM): HAHA
D B S K lovelies (12:02:20 PM): i'm looking at that too
ii LUB yu (12:02:22 PM): lol
ii LUB yu (12:02:23 PM): shut up
sh4k3d4tm0nk3y (12:02:25 PM): i see like.. you're typing..then you enter the text..then type again
ii LUB yu (12:02:41 PM):  
you know what............
ii LUB yu (12:03:17 PM): lol now its not gonna sound right.. cause you interrrupted me
ii LUB yu (12:03:18 PM): lol
ii LUB yu (12:03:50 PM): i was giving you advices and saying nice stufff.... haha  but  then you interrupt and now its gonna sound really gay if i say it
D B S K lovelies (12:04:10 PM): ..LOL
D B S K lovelies (12:04:45 PM): so i guess you're not going to say it then
D B S K lovelies (12:04:47 PM): LOL
ii LUB yu (12:04:51 PM): lol yeah 
ii LUB yu (12:04:52 PM): hahaha
sh4k3d4tm0nk3y (12:04:55 PM): jsut freaking say it janet
sh4k3d4tm0nk3y (12:04:58 PM): i need some
sh4k3d4tm0nk3y (12:05:04 PM): cause lately
sh4k3d4tm0nk3y (12:05:12 PM): people have been giving crapy advice
sh4k3d4tm0nk3y (12:05:17 PM): stuff that i already know
sh4k3d4tm0nk3y (12:05:27 PM): but its better from you & cindy cause you guys were actaully there with me
D B S K lovelies (12:06:06 PM): i think she's thinking about it
D B S K lovelies (12:06:07 PM): hahaha
sh4k3d4tm0nk3y (12:06:12 PM): lol
ii LUB yu (12:06:16 PM): lol me?
ii LUB yu (12:06:18 PM): cindy 
sh4k3d4tm0nk3y (12:06:19 PM): no cindy
ii LUB yu (12:06:23 PM): your suppose to be helping too
ii LUB yu (12:06:24 PM): lol
D B S K lovelies (12:07:03 PM): lol
sh4k3d4tm0nk3y (12:07:39 PM): chop chop
ii LUB yu (12:08:12 PM): oops
ii LUB yu (12:08:16 PM): say something in the chatroom
ii LUB yu (12:08:24 PM): i xed it out
ii LUB yu (12:08:25 PM): lol
ii LUB yu (12:08:33 PM): oh wiat
ii LUB yu (12:08:34 PM): no i didnt
D B S K lovelies (12:08:38 PM): HAHAAHHA
D B S K lovelies (12:08:43 PM): loser
D B S K lovelies (12:08:44 PM): LOL
D B S K lovelies (12:08:45 PM): JK
ii LUB yu (12:09:03 PM): ok amy. 
sh4k3d4tm0nk3y (12:09:18 PM): yes dr.janet & cindy
D B S K lovelies (12:11:31 PM): tic
D B S K lovelies (12:11:33 PM): toc
D B S K lovelies (12:11:34 PM): ;]
ii LUB yu (12:12:47 PM): rey was just your past okay.. theres sooo many guys that ll brighten up your future......... i mean look at him......... hes not anyone youd want anymore.... woulld he? 
ii LUB yu (12:12:53 PM): i know its hard cause u loved him once but seriously i know mann.. i really do..
ii LUB yu (12:12:54 PM): but i think youshould reallllly just stick him in the back corner of your heart and just think of him as this guy that was once there. and shup up cindy .. you made me lose my train of thought and now i forgot the rest 
ii LUB yu (12:13:07 PM): i had to divide it up
ii LUB yu (12:13:07 PM): lol
D B S K lovelies (12:13:14 PM): we could tell
D B S K lovelies (12:13:15 PM): hahahha
sh4k3d4tm0nk3y (12:14:13 PM): sorry i had a lotion malfunction
ii LUB yu (12:14:19 PM): ..
sh4k3d4tm0nk3y (12:14:22 PM): it kept pouring otu when i didnt even touch it -_-
sh4k3d4tm0nk3y (12:14:27 PM): anyway
D B S K lovelies (12:15:25 PM): hahaahahh
D B S K lovelies (12:15:32 PM): you like.. broke up this.. precious moment..
sh4k3d4tm0nk3y (12:18:18 PM): i know janet...thast why..i feel like pulling my hair out? because..i know all this you know? i know he's in the past & what not..but i uno why i keep holding onto him. & when i do meet a guy. i compare him to reynaldo. and i always say..oh he'll never be like reynaldo so i dont give the guy a chance. and when i do think i could move on with a guy..that guy turns out to be a palyer..and freaking breaks my heart. so hten i go back o thinking about reynaldo. & i think a reason im holding onto him is because i didnt get closure. like..before i try to add him as a friend..soo i can solve everything out..and tell him my side of teh story. because i think its all a big misunderstanding. and i wanted that as my closure. but thet freakin ass didn't accept me. which makes me think..does he not want to be friends? does he still hate me? so i have like all this story bottled up inside of me
ii LUB yu (12:26:53 PM): dude i know........... i know how you feell..... i go through the same thing...... i think about andy and how we use to be in 6 grade and 
ii LUB yu (12:26:59 PM): i still cant forget it but i mean its something we hav to pass over once in our lifetime you know? 
ii LUB yu (12:27:06 PM): are you actually gonna stay single your whole life just because of some dude that u fell in love with in 6 grade? 
ii LUB yu (12:27:18 PM): NO. lol but youre just gonna have to wait until a guy comes... someone whos better than rey... meyb youre always comparing urr guys to rey because you haveent met anyone else thats bettter.. but trust me you will.. 
sh4k3d4tm0nk3y (12:27:29 PM): oh wow janet. you still do? i thought you were stronger than me
sh4k3d4tm0nk3y (12:27:36 PM): but then you & him last WAYYYY longer than we did
sh4k3d4tm0nk3y (12:27:53 PM): but yeah..thast what im trying right now
sh4k3d4tm0nk3y (12:28:00 PM): jsut waiitng for the right guy to come
ii LUB yu (12:28:09 PM): yeaa
sh4k3d4tm0nk3y (12:28:17 PM): vut you know what lately i've been comparing guys to?...those guys in korean drama
ii LUB yu (12:28:24 PM): ...
sh4k3d4tm0nk3y (12:28:28 PM): lol I KNOW
ii LUB yu (12:28:30 PM): r u kidding me?
ii LUB yu (12:28:32 PM): lol
D B S K lovelies (12:28:33 PM): oh dear
sh4k3d4tm0nk3y (12:28:36 PM): lol
sh4k3d4tm0nk3y (12:28:49 PM): this is why i need to stop watching korean dramas
sh4k3d4tm0nk3y (12:29:04 PM): but andy is really a big buthole nnow
ii LUB yu (12:29:37 PM): lol u dont talk to him now?
sh4k3d4tm0nk3y (12:29:44 PM): nahh cause he hella freaking diss me
D B S K lovelies (12:29:54 PM): that's why you diss him back
D B S K lovelies (12:29:55 PM): lol
ii LUB yu (12:29:58 PM): lol 
sh4k3d4tm0nk3y (12:30:12 PM): lol
sh4k3d4tm0nk3y (12:30:46 PM): aww this calls for a group hug moment
ii LUB yu (12:30:54 PM): lol
ii LUB yu (12:31:00 PM): dude seriously
sh4k3d4tm0nk3y (12:31:09 PM): lol
sh4k3d4tm0nk3y (12:31:16 PM): kay
sh4k3d4tm0nk3y (12:31:18 PM): *HUGS*
ii LUB yu (12:31:21 PM): lol
ii LUB yu (12:31:28 PM): you made me think of him again now amy
D B S K lovelies (12:31:38 PM): ;et
D B S K lovelies (12:31:40 PM): oops
D B S K lovelies (12:31:41 PM): LOL
sh4k3d4tm0nk3y (12:31:42 PM): IM SORRRYYY

They know me like no one else does. Cindy is right, i still see him as the old Rey. But he is not. But all i need is some closure so i cant fully move on.

 *siigh, where do i begin? Where did i ever even begun? Everytime i freaking blog, it's mostly about the same stuff over & over again. If i told you my story, would you understand? And no matter how many times i tell this story, it hurts as much as the first time i told it. If not, much worse. Fuck, seriously, why can't i jsut fcken get over it? I do try really hard. To the point, i don't think its even possible anymore. And you know what? I'm fcken tire of it. I seriously am. I tell myself, it's all in the past, don't live it in anymore. But, i think about him every other second. I ask myself why can;t i replace him. The answer is, it's because i still miss him so fcken much. Don't say that i didn't try to move on. I did. But i compare every guy to him . And they're never good enough. That's becuase i don't let them measure up to him. I always have to find a fcken reason to tell myself  "No, he's not good enough". But how will i fcken know? If i don't even give the guy a chance in the first place. It's like..i give myself some hope, then i crush it. So i'm officially my own worst enemies. I don't even care anymore. I jsut want him back. I want to be able to tell him how fcked up my life has been without him. Theres so much i want to tell him...that i need to tell him. Usually, we think we;re right for that person. But i think he's the only one for me. I don't see anyone loving me like he did, or me loving another guy like him. Yeah, i tink alot of people are cute. and what not. But no one had like..made me go "wow..i must be with him". My heart hasnt flutter or beat fast, my stomach hasnt had butterflies, my feet hasnt been swept off for a looooooooong time. I havent blushed or bit my lip ever since. I really miss it. I want to feel that again. Damn it...fck..thinking about it more makes me more frustrated. We both knew i loved him. But we never knew HOWmuch i had love him..til he was gone. And i had to face hell to find out. I bet you, he's probably happy right now. And don't get me wrong. I glad that he is happy. But i don't want him to forget me & what we had. Last time i heard......

kay nvm. Its jsut been confirm..that he does have a gf. & they look...soo happy together. And i don't know why i'm fcken like shivering right now. It's nto cold...but i jsut am. Why do i do this to myself....you know..eveyrthing that i had to say..jsut went out the window. Fck it....jsut fck everything,

I was his baby & he was hunny. key word : Was..

OMO! I'M LIKE SO FREAKING HAPPY. CAUSE FINALLLYYY...MY CDS ARRIVED! AHHHH.

1st) Always  2nd) Hot Issue  3rd) Se7en's Must listen. [ khai'

s]

TOP 3D figured. I'm hecka scare to even attempt it. scare gunna messed it up >.<

a GD 3D figured again.

 TOP<33 :]

Seriously..the CD is like soo awsome. Too scared to touch it or anything. Yeahh..& there's so much more picture in the booklet. But too lazy to take a picture of all of it. This is my x-mas & birthday present to myself. ahah.