What happens when you cant have that one thing. When the one time you wish god would just give in like he did with israel  and give you what you want... but he says nothing more. than " ive got you" or " i havent failed you yet" when you are past wanting to hear yes and you've just realized that the "no" or in my case the complete lack of an answer is just going to hurt and you cant make it stop,cant change it, and god just keeps saying hes there. this is what its like to just feel i guess. to have pain and just be. ive been hurt before ... but never has there seemed to be no way to make it stop.. so i guess maybe you just cry and sometimes things .... they just hurt. and when nothing in heaven or on earth is of any comfort.... then pain just is... and you just are..then you truely realize just how weak and helpless you are.  nobody reads this anymore so i guess the only one who really has to understand what that means is me...

ive been doing well lately.. and have been set free from a lot of things... gained new friendships and rekindled old ones... im joyful... and i feel different. im still learning how to really deal with and invite god into different emotions.. but gods been faithful and even when im affraid hes good.

im struggling with how to deal with a few things but .... ok cool ... anywho just wanted to say hi..

and this may be the last time im on here for a really long time