| RealizationsSo I have been thinking a lot lately. More philosophically than normal I might add. I am sitting here right now trying to decide where I want to start. I guess I should just start at the beginning. That always seems like a good spot to start.
Today while I was in the shower just thinking, I stood there thinking where am I going to be in 5 years. I surely will not be in this same exact shower. In 5 years I will be in my late twenties, graduated college (hopefully  ), and will be a handsome young man. I will be beyond my wild college days where I would stay up til 2:30 in the morning writing about feelings and thoughts that I felt at the time. Instead of thinking ahead, I thought back. 5 years ago. I was a young pup in love ready for my junior year of high school just to end. I worked at a local pet shop about to get my big break into aquatic life. (approx 3 weeks or so). I was on top of the world. My mom and dad lived under the same roof. Albeit not much longer. I mowed my lawn. I went to the movies. I spent time at the mall. That was the last summer I had where something outrageous happened to me. The following summer I broke my face, then the following 3 I spent on the road. It is so weird to think of such things. I am a completely different person now than I was then. I have different life ambitions, goals, and habits. Think about it.
Another profound thought of mine today was I need to graduate college a little sooner than planned. If I graduate earlier, then I can go do what I want to do in this world sooner. Help People.
I think I have an addiction. I think I have an addiction of wanting to help people. I long for those conversations where I may not help, but something happens. There is that bond between me and the other person that is nothing else. It is when the emotion is at its highest peak. That emotion is love. Love is so powerful. It can cure anything. So if anyone shall learn something from me, I can only wish that it be you should love and be loved in return. Maybe that is what I want to teach people. Maybe its not math, science, english but the love of math, science, and english. One day I will succeed. Just wait!
Music. I guess I should elaborate on that. All I got to say is love of music. Music has a profound way of emitting emotion that you can draw upon at all times. If you are happy, it has the ability to make some happier. If you are me, and constantly in chill mode, then some good ol' chill music is all you need to enhance your spirit. I sometimes wonder why I didn't think that. How can an artist describe exactly how I feel without even trying? Maybe they paid dearly for such a song. For that, I am sorry for thy sorrow.
Another lesson today. I have to learn how to forgive. This will be
one of the hardest things I am going to have to do because I have
become numb to the whole situation. I have forgiven so many times and
so many times have I been burned. Sometimes I wasn't the only one
burned for my mistakes. That I can't handle at all. No one should
suffer from my mistakes. No one. Sadly a inspirational film taught me that and its not the one listed below.
All I want is you....
With love,
BAM.
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| in the last 15 days, my average hour of sleep a night is somewhere around 4 to 4.5 hrs a night. One of those 15 days I slept longer than 5 hours and there was almost a solid week in there I slept only 3.
WHATS WRONG WITH ME!
I feel almost possessed.
The sad thing is tonight is no different. Its 1am and I will be up at 6:30am. Maybe I will get more than 5hrs!
That is so pathetic.
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| I am so tired and worn out. Its that time of year where everything piles up on top of itself. Is it summer yet?
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| Titlely goodness.Yeah thats right, I just made up a word. Titlely. So when I started typing this (12:23), I still have yet to eat and shower. (Yes I am a dirty boy)  Now the Axe commercial needs to become a reality. I can roll in dirt if I need to. There are no bounds to my imagination!
Some updates I guess would due right about now...
2008 Bari Section Leader at OSU in the fall. Sounds like fun and I can make the baris not suck. Always a good time.
Yay spirit band trip to KC for some tourney goodness.
Lots of R&B and Rap on the radio station right now. Not my cup of tea.
Song just said We got drunk. Been there done that. Friday especially. It was a fun night.
I have been working a lot hopefully to bank some money. Esp since I have been living off the paycheck for a good 3+ years now. Its hard to gain some money when you have buy food and pay rent. Gets expensive.
I got to visit with my old HS music instructor.
Work at 7am...
Forgot to set my clock forward. That wasn't much fun.
Mikey drinks cough syrup. Addict. haha
One of these days I will post a true post. One that doesn't involve a list of just random stuff I remember off the top of my head.
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