soybeansam's Xanga

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Wed, 30 Jul 2008 12:40:56 GMT

Reliable sources have informed Beanpod Central that the Vice-Presidental choices will be as follows:

Barack Obama's choice will be: Mary Magdalene.

John McCain's choice will be: Ponce de Leon.

In this time, in this place, you and I, together, will be royally fucked by either or both of these candidates.

thank you primary voters...you should be so very proud of yourselves...

Your farmer friend,

Soybeansam

Tuesday, July 01, 2008

Tue, 01 Jul 2008 16:42:49 GMT

My Inaugeral Ball diet begins today!!!

Clinton campaign team mulling over its successes...

Global Warming has had no impact on my garden...

California Dreamin' ain't what it used to be...

World's Athletes prepare for the Olympic Games...

Robert Mugabe - Change we really can believe in...

The Bush staff reviews 8 years of splendid rule...

I'm voting for Barack. How about you???

Fear not, boys and girls, the Obamadorables are gonna make it all better...and if they don't, it'll all be your fault...

Be brave, my little friends.

Your farmer friend,

Soybeansam

Friday, June 06, 2008

Fri, 06 Jun 2008 14:17:43 GMT

MSNBC just announced that Republicans in the Senate blocked a Democratic bill to attack various aspects of global warming.

I, for one, am absolutely floored. Now that he has his party's nomination, I thought that Senator Obama was going to put an end to such divisions...bring us all together and change the country and the world.

Well, when's he gonna start??? What's going on??? How come his ever so sweet words of hope and change have not yet had a discernible impact upon his Republican peers?

Could it be that his words will prove to be nothing more than empty chatter? Heaven forbid...the Obamadorables would be so disappointed...

Me be disappointed, toooooooooo...

Soybeansam

Thursday, June 05, 2008

Thu, 05 Jun 2008 06:26:59 GMT

It was sometime in my teens, more than forty years ago, when I was first introduced to the concept of the Anti-Christ. From the first telling, I thought it was a ridiculous concept, conjured up by religious fanatics searching for another device to capture the weak and demented. The majority of people, so I surmised, could and would never fall for such a silly concept...so I surmised...

Not no more, boys and girls. With my own eyes and a periodically shaking head, I have witnessed a most Anti-Christian process this past year. Barack Obama, come on down, your crown, throne and septor await you.

Sheer madness is alive, well and at work in the Democratic Party. A man without qualifications or experience has been chosen to be the Democratic candidate for President. My rational mind boggles at the thought that he might be victorious.

In a spirit of charity for the young and the intellectual elites of America, I can only conclude that Obama supporters are either dumb as a dried brick of shit or the largest group of fools to ever walk the planet. What the fuck is wrong with you?

You Obama supporters should ask yourselves what serious character flaw you possess that drives you to support a man who promises only unspecified changes. All that you know about him is that he smiles and hugs a great deal, has mastered the Bop Walk, gives a nice speech and promises "change."

In reality, you know as much about Obama as you do about the guys who pick up your trash once a week.

For more than 45 years, I have worked for, given money to and voted for candidates from the Democratic Party. Never again. My party has been taken over by a gang of know-nothing morons. Have a wonderful time destroying everything good about America...and practice your own version of the Bop Walk...it's Cool Dude time in America...Enjoy.

Soybeansam

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Wed, 21 May 2008 05:48:56 GMT

While it seems that I have lost my total readership, fear not, boys and girls, I still retain my puckish sense of humor...oh happy day, would that such were true...

And yet, perhaps...all is never won nor lost. For example,

If Obama wins the Democratic nomination, as seems most likely, and then loses the general election, he will still have contributed much to American culture. Such contributions as:

If you encounter a fella who has been emasculated by his domineering wife, you will no longer need to resort to the heretofore common, two word vulgarity to describe him. Now, you can simply say, "He's been Michelled," and everybody will know what you mean.

If you're ever in a meeting and one of your co-workers blabs on and on, using a lofty vocabulary while, all the time, saying nothing of substance, you'll be able to shut him up by simply saying, "Man, quit playing the Obama."

Should you be in a capacity in which you hire new people for your organization and a young man applies for an important position within your firm, even though he has none of the experience such a position requires, you can explain and justify your reasoned rejection of his application by simply stating, "The dude is an Obama."

If you're in a situation where a gift is being given to you and you open the handsomely wrapped and ribboned package only to find that there is nothing within it, you can save face, display your coolness and go right along with the practical joke by stating, "Just what I've always wanted, my very own Obama."

If you're applying for a job and you've fabricated some parts of your resume and exaggerated all of the other sections and your lack of veracity is discovered, apologize immediately, beg for mercy and claim, "Please forgive me, I had a bad attack of the Obamas, but it'll never happen again."

If expediency and personal gain cause you to publicly scorn and humiliate one of your dearest and trusted friends, just explain away your cowardice by telling him, "No big deal, brother, it was just an Obama moment." I'm sure he will understand.

First there was Al Gore, who invented the internet...then there was John Kerry, he of the pink silk ties and the speedo wearing windsailing...now there is the "Black Jack Kennedy." I can hardly wait to see what out of the mainstream, elitist prissy pants the Democrats nominate in 2012. Fear not Boy George, there still may be a future for you yet.

God love the Democrats, they find such unique and interesting methods of snatching defeat out of the jaws of victory...same as it ever was, since 1980.

See ya later, boys and girls.

Your farmer friend,

Soybeansam

P. S. In two of the last three elections you Lose by 41 points and 35 points and then you have the chutzpah to hold a Victory rally in Iowa??? Someone's forgotten their Critical Thinking lessons haven't they?

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Tue, 13 May 2008 17:39:19 GMT

I wonder if, after she becomes First Lady, will Cindy McCain install Budweiser kegs throughout the White House...one can only hope.

I wonder if, after he loses 45 of 50 states in the Fall election, Barry Obama will slink out of the Senate, accept a deal to host some repulsive game show on ABC, only to have it cancelled after three episodes...one can only hope.

I wonder if, after it suffers another crushing defeat at the hands of the Republicans, the Democratic Party will cease to exist...one can only hope.

H. L. Mencken once said, "You'll never go broke underestimating the taste of the American people."

P. T. Barnum once said, "There's a sucker born every day."

The young, the Blacks and the college educated elite who swoon at the very thought of an Obama Presidency are all working dilligently and in conjunction with each other to prove that both Mencken and Barnum knew exactily what they were talking about. McCain's followers would do the same, if someone would only rouse them from their comas.

Huge, systemic problems pose almost insurmountable challenges to the future peace and prosperity of the United States of America. The electorate, in its continuing display of genetic boobism, selects John McCain and Barack Obama to contend with these challenges. Will the last sane person leaving America please remember to turn out the lights?

Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da, life goes on... - maybe yes, maybe not so yes...

Your farmer friend (back from his self-imposed exile),

Soybeansam

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Tue, 25 Mar 2008 07:23:51 GMT

Hey man, Dorthy know about this shit?

I'm an Obama Boy, how 'bout you???

Sorry pal...your county's got no oil...

I recognize the dumb bunny, but who is

the guy in the vest???

One good myth deserves another, I suppose...

Tis the season for reality suspension, boys and girls. Enjoy it while you can.

Your farmer friend,

Soybeansam

Friday, March 21, 2008

Fri, 21 Mar 2008 09:11:15 GMT

Way to go Johnny, you pander real good!

OK guys, who wants to buy their pants back first?

When defending the indefensible, charges of

racism always come in handy...

Guns don't kill people, reactionary judges do that...

And you think you're accomplishing what???

Right brain...left brain...no brain!!!

Will somebody please give her at least one clue?

Blind patriotism is such a beautiful thing...

Maybe next time, Darlin', if we last that long...

Relax, Tess, it could be worse...we could be human...

The calendar says it's Spring...the snow falling outside my window says otherwise. Sometimes, I get so confused.

Peace and warm days to all.

Your farmer friend,

Soybeansam

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Wed, 19 Mar 2008 08:57:34 GMT

Look out, grandma, here comes da bus!

Just like Barack, Bush is a "change" agent, too...

US Olympic Adultry Team gets rousing sendoff...

I don't care for money, money can't buy me love...

Have a happy, boys and girls.

Your farmer friend,

Soybeansam

Sunday, March 16, 2008

Sun, 16 Mar 2008 17:03:43 GMT

After a few days of reflection, boys and girls, two future realities seem beyond obvious to me:

(1) Senator Barack Obama will win the Democratic Presidential Nomination, and,

(2) Due to his two decade membership in a radical church in Chicago, Obama cannot, barring some sort of major gaffe by McCain, win the election for President in November, 2008.

Millions of over-50 white folks in America have major concerns about McCain's military policies and his almost non-existant economic talents and vision. No matter, for these concerns pale in comparision to the older folks' visceral rejection of the alarmist philosophy propogated by Obama's religious organization. Obama's hastily composed denunciation of such views comes much too late in the day to be taken seriously. Had he voiced such a rejection of these views and resigned from this particular church early in the campaign, he would not have been tainted by Rev. Jerimiah Wright's messages of disdain for whites and hatred of America. The fact that Obama remained, for the most part, silent about Rev. Wright's church and its teachings until they were exposed, just a few days ago, makes Obama's newfound protestations against the minister and his philosophies little more than a flawed attempt to drape the wolf in sheeps' clothing.

The man of new politics, the political messiah who cliams to seek to unite us all in a grand campaign to transform both our country and the world, the man of eloquent words and lofty visions has been exposed as nothing more than an overambitious, fawning and preening charlatan. His reward for such duplicity will be an ignominious defeat at the polls in November.

To all the young who devoted so much of their hopes and desires for the future to the campaign of this duplicituous huckster, I offer my condolences. The bitterness that will visit you in the coming weeks and months will, in time, fade. As it does, you will become more discerning when choosing those you seek to lead this nation. You will learn to not give your political heart away so easily.

Some of my generation has experienced the same sort of political and emotional travails that Senator Obama is in the process of injecting into you lives. We know and still remember vividly the loss of hope on a horrible night in June, 1968. We know and still remember. So shall you...and as a result, you will become a better and wiser citizen. But, also remember my young friends that the falut lies not in you, but rather, in the hearts and minds of those who seek to deceive and manipulate you to their own ends.

I wish that things had worked out so very differently for all of us and our country in the campaign of 2008. Perhaps, next time, truth, integrity and love of country will triumph over arrogance and blind ambition. Perhaps...

Have a grand Sunday.

Your farmer friend,

Soybeansam