Weblog

Saturday, May 10, 2008

Thursday, May 08, 2008

  • Lady of the Night

    On the way home from work this morning (about 20 minutes ago) I take a break from driving in the rain to stop at Love's truck stop to get the cheapest gas in Memphis at a mere $3.39.  Now, my job is at the FedEx Express central hub at the airport, which also happens to be one of the worst areas of Memphis crime-wise.  Anyway, just as my pump clicks off to signal my tank is full a car pulls into the pump next to mine.  I believe the driver was a white dude, but in the passenger seat there was a black woman and there was at least one other person in the backseat.

    As the dude is filling his tank or whatever, the black woman rolls her window down and says to me "What's your name?"  I look over expecting her to beg me for some change or something of that nature, which I am used to by now and tell her my name.  However, she then says "Hey, Joe.  What you 'bout to do this morning?" or something of that nature.  I then reply that I'm going home to sleep.  At this point I am trying to get my fucking receipt so I can get the hell away from this crazy person, but the pump is conveniently taking its sweet time.  She then says "Can I sleep with you, Joe?"  I feared this would come as I figured it was merely a matter of time before I ran across a prostitute face-to-face since I'm spending so much time in that part of town.

    I pretended not to hear her and then she says "I just want a little."  I give her a bewildered look and she then motions like she's giving someone a blow job.  I give a nervous laugh and she says "Oh, you not into that?"  I still have that nervous half-smile on my face as I tell her I'm okay and grab my receipt and get back into my truck.  What an interesting experience.  She was clearly high on something.  From how she was acting I'd say it was at least heroine and possibly weed as well.  Well, add that to my list of fucked up shit I've experienced just in that one bad area of town.

    PS. I did a Google search for black prostitute and Condoleezza Rice came up on the second page of results.  How interesting.  Maybe I would have found a more suitable picture if that adult filter thing wasn't turned on.  Eh, fuck it.  Or maybe... just maybe... Google is on to something here.  Perhaps Condi is the biggest pimp in the world, but is exceptionally talented at keeping it under wraps...  After everything else that's gone on with this administration, I would not be surprised.

Sunday, May 04, 2008

  • The Quiet Before The Storm

    I have big news, but haven't had the energy to type it out lately.  I still don't, but I figure I've delayed long enough as I'm really excited about it.

    Basically, I officially enlisted in the Navy.  I stayed overnight at a hotel Thursday night with other military enlistees from all branches and we woke up at 4:45am on Friday to get bussed to the local MEPS (Military Entrance Processing Station).   Thus, the physical started.  There was a lot of paperwork and shit.  There was blood, vision, hearing, and flexibility testing as well as a urinalysis.  It was all straightforward, but it took forever.  The "flexibility" test was really just to make sure all your limbs functioned and such.  However, they also threw in a couple of excruciatingly painful tests.  Keep in mind during this we are all in our boxers in a room with a hard tile floor.  The painful exercises were having to walk back and forth on our knees without our feet touching the ground.  Holy fuck that was painful.  The other painful one was where we had to walk back and forth on our heels without any other part of our foot touching the ground.  I think they threw these in just to make sure we could handle excruciating pain.  After the physical was our shitty lunch (however, not a speck was wasted as it had been 6 hours since breakfast) and then job counseling.

    My physical was perfect except the vision in my left eye is only corrected to 20/25 rather than 20/20, so I didn't qualify for the Air Traffic Control job.  However, due to my high scores and "clean" record, the Navy liaison singled me out for a program for the "mentally elite" called the Nuclear Field.  It's possibly the most challenging program in the Navy besides being a fighter pilot or a SEAL, but that's a different kind of challenge.  It's apparently extremely difficult to get into this program, but the liaison really thought I had what it takes.  It's a six year enlistment, but the first two years are 'A' School (training school).  This will be in Charleston, South Carolina and most of the classes will count as normal college classes.  What classes does one take to train for the Nuclear Field?  Glad you asked.  Lots of Chemistry, Physics, Thermodynamics, Electrical Engineering, etc.  It's going to be tough as fuck, but I can do it if I set my mind to it.

    After 'A' School, I will go active duty for my remaining 4 years.  This will probably be on one of the newer nuclear powered aircraft carriers.  I'll probably have the option to go on a nuclear submarine, but I'm not sure I'm up for that despite the extra pay.  But, that's all way down the line.  I don't actually ship out to boot camp until November, which kind of sucks.  However, I'm supposed to be the "Man of Honor" at my friend Jessica's wedding in August, so it would suck to leave before that and miss it.

    Oh, and I forgot the best part of all of this.  I get an $18,000 sign-on bonus for this program as well as advanced rank even without my school credits factored in.  Since I wont be leaving til Fall at the earliest (the liaison is going to try to get me shipped out a month or two sooner than November if possible), I'll have the chance to complete my 2 year degree this summer.  Why bother?  Because having a 2 year degree will net me an extra $5,000 sign-on bonus, bringing my total to $23,000 plus advanced rank.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

  • Navy

    I went to the Navy recruiter office today (next door to the Air Force).  I have to say everyone was much more friendly and alive than at the Air Force office.  Their background questionnaire is almost much less stringent than the Air Force's, which means I didn't even have to lie about the major holdup.  The Navy apparently doesn't care about problems with the law unless it's actually on your record.  There was none of that bullshit about listing out everything even if it was dismissed or thrown out.  So, my court case never even came up at all.  Thank the gods.  The recruiter also didn't make me list out that I've used marijuana in the past.  He gave me a drug test on the spot and I passed with flying colors so that was the end of that.  That's two lies out of the way.  The last thing I didn't lie to the Air Force about, but should have, was the fact that I've been to a psychiatrist and was diagnosed with Depression back in the day.  I just upright lied to the Navy about this, because there is no way they can search my medical records.  That means there is no way they can find out unless I admit it to them at a later date.  I knew this going into the Air Force, but I decided to be upfront with them and it ended up screwing me over.  I don't have to worry about the two branches sharing the information, because there is a privacy law in each of the armed forces where they cannot share personal information with each other.

    Want to know the true bonus to going Navy over the Air Force?  In the Navy I get to pick my job and my selection is guaranteed and immediately written into my enlistment contract.  The Air Force had that bullshit policy where you picked your top 7 jobs and they picked whichever one suited their needs.  I'm already further along with the Navy after one visit than I was with the Air Force after two months.  They definitely are not giving me the runaround like the Air Force did.  I didn't even have to go back to the Air Force recruiters to get my birth certificate and diploma as one of the Navy guys went over and got it for me.  And since I've already taken the ASVAB, I get to skip that step as well.  Talk about painless!  Now all I have to do is fill out a form with my employment/residence history for the past 7 years and then go do my physical.  The physical is going to be Friday of next week, but I have to stay in a hotel the night before and then they bus us to wherever they do it.  Immediately after the physical is when I talk to a job counselor and select my job, or rank, as the Navy calls them.  Then I tell them how soon I'm ready to ship off to boot camp and they write up my enlistment contract.  The Navy clearly doesn't bullshit around like the Air Force.  Don't get the idea that they were pushing me into it, because they weren't.  I was pushing them if anything.

    Ah, but there must be a downside!  Not really.  The only thing that is "worse" is the fact that Navy boot camp is 8 weeks whereas Air Force boot camp is only 6.5 weeks.  Not a big deal.  If anything, it means I'll be that much more disciplined and fit.  Man, I am so fucking excited.  Oh, and boot camp is north of Chicago in Illinois (I forget the city) rather than San Antonio, TX.  That's a major fucking blessing considering I'll most likely be there in the dead of summer.  Also, there is high-speed satellite internet on Navy boats, so I wont have to abandon my precious internet time.  Zeus, almighty!  I'm gonna be in the fucking military!  It's actually happening!  No more speculation or dealing with the bullshit of the Air Force recruiters!  It's a fucking miracle!  Wait!  There's more good news!  Since I have 50 credit hours at an accredited college, I get to immediately advance to the rank of E-3 after boot camp (everyone else starts at E-1), and I might even get what they called a "college bonus" (Like a sign-on bonus).  That means I'll be making about $250 more a month right off the bat, and I'll be eligible for E-4 a fuck load sooner than everyone else, which is nearly $200 a month more than E-3.  Also, when you reach E-4 you get paid extra for time spent out at sea.  And if my home port/base ends up being overseas, then my whole base salary nearly doubles depending on where it is.  I love how even though the credits earned at my current school might not do anything for me as far as my final career, it still isn't a waste since the Navy will immediately reward me so handsomely for it.

    Fuck the Air Force.
    Long live the Navy (they have cooler slogans, anyway).
    "Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of those who threaten it!"

    Ha.  I'm such a dork.

    DISCLAIMER (to snoopers from the Military/FBI/CIA/NSA): The above comments about lying are untrue and were merely included to raise appeal for my readers.  Furthermore, almost everything in this blog is entirely fabricated, thus rendering it unsuitable to be used as evidence against me (assuming 'me' is actually me and not an imposter or computer simulation/bot).

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

  • Dream - Crystal Meth

    I had a dream the other night that was exceptionally vivid.  Of course, I rarely remember my dreams and, when I do, I never remember much of them.  However, this dream left me with...a lingering feeling.  I cannot say exactly what feeling it left me with, but it was there.  While it was not a recurring dream in the sense that I've had it before (that I remember), it was a recurring setting and feeling.  It took place at a dream-world-distorted version of my old house in Georgia, where I spent most of my childhood years.  I've had this same dream-world-distorted setting before, but the theme of the dream was much different.  Anyway, this dream seemed to revolve around me trying to get enough privacy to smoke some crystal meth.  Given my history with the stuff, this really seemed to affect me even after I awoke.  It was like I was in a sort of life or death game, but the rules are always different.  And this time I believe I had the sense that if I did not get a hit of the stuff soon enough, then I would lose this mortal game.  The last incarnation of the dream was more along the lines of me seeking privacy there for fear of death.  I guess it is the same theme, but wearing a different face.  I just thought it was crazy, because it seemed so real.  I woke up with the brief sense that I actually had some crystal meth on me.  To my dismay, that quickly subsided into reality.

    The End.