It gets really weird when I think of how I am feeling. I may be doing something really fun, but reminiscence of the past seems to be the excess baggage pulling me down. It really is enticing for people to see me in tears, no matter how un-funny it seems.

I recently got my Term Exam Results back:

General Paper- D

Malay - D (wth!)

Phy - B

Chem - C

Math - E

Econs - E

Not exactly what I wanted, but many tell me to be grateful with it. Really disappointing though. This few months have been really trying for me, much to dismay of people's beliefs. I'm not complaining, I'm just really unsure whether I know what I am putting myself into. I'm unsure of people's expectations of me, lest mine on myself. Whatever.

I'm trying to do some stuff for project work which is like due soon. Monday to be specific. Damn irritating. The fact that my group can't do work during meetings bothers me even more. It's not really their fault, but oh well, can't blame anyone that way. AC Perbayu Seniors' Farewell coming up as well. Supposed to hold some 'grand' event so that they will cry at the end of it. Boo-hoo.

Arabian Nights Dance (and perhaps Text if i get through auditions) Rehearsals towards the end of the year. I'm intending to go on a hike at the end of the year with the Scouts. I really miss Scouting. Aways remembered how enthusiastic I was back then about Scouting.

As I was drafting this blog entry, I was tuning in to 987fm for some music while doing some schoolwork (that was BEFORE I started working on my blog entry). There were so many people sending SMS's, emails and calls to DJ Jacq about their separations, loved ones passing away and even one who smsed her about her divorce. Jacq then played this melancholic, nonetheless a heart-warming piece by Vertical Horizon. I soon felt a great deal of warmth channeling through this drenched body of mine (despite already the frying temperatue outside). As usual, I was expecting tears. I looked out of the window in front of my study table into the sky. My lips curled into a smile. Bitter memories have departed the compartments of my mind in respect for the sweet ones.

About this time 2 years ago, life was a misery. I was facing the greatest challenges of an average teenager. As I was still 'new' to the family, I was very hesitant of every move, action I took. Friends were sources of entertainment and shoulders of comfort. WHen I did try to turn to family for consultations, things would turn around so badly that it would lead me to the grills of my window, with keys in between my shaking fingers. My cheeks wrinkled, eyes red and heart... broken.

So there I would always be, reaching out for my handphone, pushing keys,as if they would be bring about erasure of all the bitterness in my life. I'd wait for a few minutes, helplessly hoping to see words of encouragement appear on my phone, as if that would be enough to keep me alive a day longer.

I just wanna send a tribute to all those who have been by my side especially in that year of grief. Emotionally tired, but I'm so over it. Memories of my past is just a part of me rather than the weight dragging my movements every where I go. No longer an emotional baggage I carry.

Thank you PLC '05 for the fun we had together.

Jonathan, I was really irritated by you then. NO RESPECT FOR ME! But hey, haha, that's all past. We're in ACJC together now, all that just mere memories.

Matthew, forever an irritant, even till now. :P But I guess needed one. Besides that irritating factor of yours never failed to turn into a listening ear whenever I needed someone to vent my anger, sadness or whatever on the phone.

Keith Tan, best friends? Was very happy to see you again the other day, lest dunk you. Someone to epitomise the the thought of sacrificial friendship. Today, I'm still whether for what it's worth, it was worth all the while. No matter, I was happy trying to give the best of myself for the friendship. Though only God knows...

Gavin and Terry, I always picture the two of you as one. Haha. Never fail to make my facial expressions change (for the better or otherwise) Nonetheless, I believe injected the fun into PLC meetings and stuff.

Kevin, Mark, Simon, Kc, though I have nothing personal to share of you guys, vivid memories of gangshows, camps, PLC meetings always will be painted in my minds with you guys in them.

Indescribable.

Experience in kampung life is definitely the wildest moments of 2007 I have had thus far. This plus the shared times with the MERDEKA cast and crew has definitely forged a bond between the Malay Cultural Society which is something I foresee will be one that is cherished within me for a very long time, if not forever.

Frankly speaking, I wasn't all that excited about the whole trip at the start. It seemed kind of torturous putting yourself in a foreign (nationally speaking) land, with no proper luxurious accomodations, valet parking (haha, if i drove), room services and the list goes on. Furthermore, I didn't really blend in with the malay community that well. Past experiences with my cousins would definitely be the most horrendous things to think of when I speak of blending with Malays. They would just make fun of me. They may even regard me as arrognat for not speaking Malay. It is so difficult for me to just switch from 'Class 95' mode to 'Warna 94.2FM' in a snap.

Nonetheless, I have to admit that it's quite a shame not to be able to speak your native language and instead be fluent with another language. The language which introduced to us colonialism. The same language which brought us to Japanese Occupation. The same language that brought about intervention of foreigners into our national affairs. Yet, it's the language we now adore and regard as the only language worth learning. Ironically, it is the same language I am using to bring forward my thoughts to you, fellow reader.

Throughout the whole trip, I felt so relaxed for once. I felt like for once, I was released from these shackles that has been stuck to my neck, had a hammer removed from my head, and as if there loads of sand removed from the undrside of my feet. All the worries of urban life seemed to disappear. Although I did intend to study at first (I brought all my Math and Science TYS's along), I almost never took it out again once I alighted the train at Seremban Train Station. I have to admit, I became overly wild in the trip that I think I scared even my own self.

Well, the point is, I really enjoyed the trip and even though it's been more than a week that the trip ended, the other participants and I still reminisce the 3 days. It has been a heart-warming experience. The host families gave no short of a wonderful accomodation, one that I would not normally have in my overseas trips. At the end of the trip, I somehow acquired an ease in speaking Malay. Well, I believe it just has to be the correct company, with the appropriate support, to be an influence for anything at all.

Well, I've got an H1 Malay Paper tomorrow. I gotta go read up some Malay articles. And finish studying the idioms. I'm relying on Malay to pass my terms. GRRR. Let's not talk today's and yesterday's papers until some other time.

Assalamu'alaikum.