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Name: Becca
Country: United States
State: Texas
Birthday: 9/21/1982
Gender: Female
Interests: soaking everything in - and surviving.
Expertise: jill o' all trades,
now doc-in-training.
Occupation: Student
Message: message meEmail: email me
Member Since:
6/13/2003
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"IN CONGRESS, July 4, 1776.
The unanimous Declaration of the thirteen united States of America,
When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one
people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with
another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and
equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle
them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they
should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created
equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable
Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of
Happiness.--That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted
among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed,
--That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these
ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to
institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and
organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely
to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate
that Governments long established should not be changed for light and
transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that
mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than
to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are
accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing
invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under
absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off
such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future
security.--Such has been the patient sufferance of these Colonies; and
such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former
Systems of Government. The history of the present King of Great Britain
is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct
object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States. To
prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world...." -from the Declaration of Independence
"We the people of the United States, in order to
form a more perfect union, establish justice, insure domestic tranquility,
provide for the common defense, promote the general welfare, and
secure the blessings of liberty to ourselves and our posterity,
do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States
of America." --preamble of the U.S. Constitution Happy Independence Day!
Amidst all of the busyness in our lives, isn't it great to have a day to reflect on what it means to be independent and American?
---
As my precipitous drop in entries implies, I've had difficulty writing the past few months. I'm still thinking, I promise. Many decisions and changes are rushing towards me, and I am trying to act and prepare appropriately, but it becomes harder to express what I want to say. So much is happening and has happened. I long for time to process these experiences and understand what they mean. ---
[In passing -- I made it to fourth year, though I'm still finishing up my last graded rotation.]
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| From the nytimes blog about favorite poems...
"Kindness" by Naomi Shihab Nye
Before you know what kindness really is
you must lose things,
feel the future dissolve in a moment
like salt in a weakened broth.
What you held in your hand,
what you counted and carefully saved,
all this must go so you know
how desolate the landscape can be
between the regions of kindness.
How you ride and ride
thinking the bus will never stop,
the passengers eating maize and chicken
will stare out the window forever.
Before you learn the tender gravity of kindness,
you must travel where the Indian in a white poncho
lies dead by the side of the road.
You must see how this could be you,
how he too was someone
who journeyed through the night with plans
and the simple breath that kept him alive.
Before you know kindness as the deepest thing inside,
you must know sorrow as the other deepest thing.
You must wake up with sorrow.
You must speak to it till your voice
catches the thread of all sorrows
and you see the size of the cloth.
Then it is only kindness that makes any sense anymore,
only kindness that ties your shoes
and send you out in the day to mail letters and
purchase bread,
only kindness that raises its head
from the crowd of the world to say
It is I you have been looking for,
and then goes with you everywhere
like a shadow or a friend.
-----
Prayer
Whatever happens. Whatever
what is is is what
I want. Only that. But that.
—– Galway Kinnell
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| Happy Mother's Day!
My mom is doing great in graduate school -- way to go!
---
extra-hospital life:
I've lived in the inner room of my two-bedroom apartment since the last weekend of Spring Break. It's surprising how comfortable this new room feels to me already. One of my favorite aspects about the new room is that I have a larger window that looks over the apartment balcony -- and that the balcony is almost like an extension of my room now. My parents gave me two flowering plants (a begonia and a fairy lily), and I'm growing herbs (basil, mint, thyme, and chives) for cooking. I started growing basil, mint, and a pepper plant last year in my other apartment, but this year I am more ambitious. Watching the plants grow over the past few weeks has been very calming to me; I like thinking about how the seed grows into a plant and remembering, even for a little, how good it feels to be growing something, how life can move both so quickly and so slowly...
And the food! Fresh basil at the grocery store, in my opinion, is a rip-off, especially if you're used to growing a little plant of it yourself. I've been much better about cooking this year, most of which have been pleasant experiences. Cooking is fun, though I wish I could learn more. Still, compared to where I was when I started medical school, I'm many times better, and I plan to continue experimenting. (What else is cooking but a glorified and hopefully delicious experiment?)
I feel that I am more of an introvert than I originally thought, though I like people in general and try to get along well. Perhaps some of this is a reaction to being usually externally stressed and under the constraint of others' authority; I prefer most of the time these days to do my own thing, reflect, read, and take care of my body and my mind when I have the freedom to do so. I'm not as eager to rush towards social events or functions as I used to be, and given the limits of my schedule, I have noticed that I think more of self-preservation. This is not to say that I don't extend myself or help others or act like a recluse, but that I'm more particular and careful about what I choose to do. In college, I wasn't very good at that; I had many obligations, and I pushed myself very hard and accomplished many things. At times it was AWESOME, and I smile with a bit of disbelief at my previous adventures and projects. But I paid a price for them physically, mentally, and emotionally, which still is something that I try to untangle these days.
::quiet:: I do miss the student I used to be, the success I used to have. That feeling of certainty about my achievements is something that is harder to find these days; medical school is harder, more demanding, and less intuitively grasped for me. The first year of medical school, especially, was an exercise in humility and endurance. Second year wasn't too much better, though it was more interesting. This year has been the most time-consuming, exhausting, and intellectually challenging, but I like working with patients, I like residents, I like feeling like I'm accomplishing something, not just beating my head against books...
::smile:: A bit of tongue-in-cheek humor about my school in photo form, courtesy of a classmate:
::laughs:: Though it's really not THAT bad... ^_^ It's not really about competing against each other, more about trying to survive the system. Most of us prevail -- if Southwestern teaches us anything, they teach us to be tough -- and the lions usually don't bite.
I'm kidding, mostly, since I still am battling! The tide is going my way, but there's a while to go before I can coast.
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| One week down on Maternal-Fetal Medicine...
After a fairly rough adjustment to the first few days, I think I've settled a little better to OB. My mothers are great. Most of them have been Spanish-speaking, which has been fun (albeit occasionally challenging) for me.
My friend took a photo of me holding a newborn in the Nursery during the first week of Peds in March.
::smile:: Baby!
And yes, I am in scrubs.
[Still haven't decided still what I want to be yet.]
One of my favorite quotes this year comes from one of my male OB residents, who said, "I came to medical school to work in Neonatology. I wanted to save sick babies. Then I took a rotation in Neonatology in the Newborn Intensive Care Unit (NICU) and realized those tiny preterm babies start off so behind -- that most of the time we were struggling just to keep them alive. I decided that I wanted to be an OBGyn so that I could help prevent preterm labor and assist mothers in delivering healthy babies. And every time I deliver one, I think, that's one I've saved from the NICU."
That's quite a thought to ponder.
On the other hand, I spent ten minutes today playing with a little Japanese two-year-old at my apartment clubhouse. Kids are amazing.
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| Finished Pediatrics last week; now on a Maternal-Fetal Medicine sub-internship... and I'm now given more responsibility over my patients, as scary as that may seem. I'm still under supervision, don't worry! And I'm trying to relearn obstetrics and medicine in a hurry.
... just trying to be strong throughout all of this and NOT afraid.
Gotta sleep -- early morning tomorrow.
Thanks for bearing with me as the posts get spottier and shorter. I'll recover some time...
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