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SubscriptionsSites I Read
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| Freakshow!
The other night was weirdo-dinner hour, I'm sure of it. Here's a classic scene from the restaurant.
Picture the old woman from the movie The Goonies. Add two bastard children, one who must've been sent straight from Hell because NOTHING would make him happy or make him stop crying. Then picture a very tan Rainman as the husband.
Rainman: Do you guys have wraps?
Me: Yes, we do. Pretty much anything can be made into a wrap... you could have a cheesesteak wrap, a chicken caesar salad wrap....
Rainman: How about veal, can I get veal?
Me: Of course. How would you like it prepared?
Rainman: I don't know, however you people do it!
Me: I'm sorry sir, but if you don't specify how you'd like it prepared, the kitchen won't know what to make. Right now they're going to give you a veal cutlet wrap, no sauce, no lettuce or tomatoes, no cheese....
Rainman: I don't want fried veal!
Me: Alright, I can have them grill your veal, but you still haven't answered my original question.
Angry Old Woman: Just give him the scallopini sauce! It's simple!
Me: Ma'am, I'm sorry, but there's no such thing as a "scallopini sauce." That word defines the cut of the meat, not the style in which it's prepared.
AOW: I've gotten scallopini sauce before! Ask your boss! You don't know what you're talking about!!
Me: I can ask my boss, I can send him over here, but he's going to tell you the same thing I did -- scallopini defines the cut of the meat.
Rainman: Okay, okay.. I'll just get the chicken cacciatore. But VERY LITTLE SAUCE, you got that???
AOW: He can't have a lot of sauce!
Me: Yes, I'll make sure the kitchen knows to have a light hand with the sauce, it's no problem.
Devil Child: PIZZA! I WANT PIZZA!!!
Rainman: And make sure to cut that in half for him, okay?
Two minutes later...
Devil Child: This pizza is broken!! (Throws it to the ground)
Rainman: Can you get us another slice, uncut this time??
As I go to order their new slice, I notice the Angry Old Woman flagging down my boss. Of course, she's asking about the veal. And of course, he tells her exactly the same thing I did - that there's NO SUCH THING as a freaking scallopini sauce!!
As I'm delivering the new slice the the child from Hell:
AOW: No, no, we can't take this! It has too much cheese on it! Get a new one for him, NOW!
About five minutes later....
As I'm bringing the AOW her meal (chicken salad over mixed greens), she sneers at the plate. "Does this have ONIONS in it?? I can't have onions!! It didn't say on the menu that there were ONIONS in here!!" Then the Devil Child starts to scream at me for extra marinara sauce.
I believe that this family is the walking definition of the words "justifiable murder."
Just another day in the life of a waitress.
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Where I am going to be tonight:
YAY!
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I don't know about you, but I think that the contestants on the show Hell's Kitchen would be EATEN ALIVE by the carnales at my restaurant. There's no crying in cooking!!
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I'm a very, very bad person.
I was in Borders the other day, leafing through Julia Child's Mastering the Art of French Cooking Volume One (I just read her biography, and my interest was piqued) when I hear a woman on her cell phone telling her friend that she was looking for a book called "The Jesus Diet."
Whether or not this book exists, I'll never know. The woman left the aisle shortly after that and I'm not curious enough to check it out. Why did she leave so quickly? Because she overheard me say this to myself:
Yeah, that diet should work great... he's dead.
Whoops.
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True Story: There's a regular who frequents The Restaurant who's Italian-American. I just found out that his last name is DiGuido (pronounced Dee-Guido).
Am I the only one who thinks this is funny?
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