stevedsmallwood's Xanga

Saturday, July 12, 2008

Sat, 12 Jul 2008 16:45:25 GMT

role reversals

Dad is 75 and Mom 76—Dad’s still strong as an ox and continues to outwork anyone I’ve ever known; Mom’s now feeble and limited to the confines of bed, chair, and wheelchair. I’ve spent the last three weeks in CA helping my parents get on top of their household chores and maintenance and yards.

Since Mom’s stroke several years ago, she’s not been able to assist with the household responsibilities—so Dad has it all on his shoulders. So I arrived with only my work clothes and tore into their home. First we tore down 150 foot of fence along the back yard by the pool and rebuilt it. I’m still amazed that you can dig a three foot deep hole in a matter of minutes with just a shovel! The sand in the San Joaquin valley is amazing—even in drought years like this one. We dug post holes, mixed and poured cement, set top and bottom rails and nailed several hundred pickets in place. Their property is bordered by five or six small homes (shacks) that his non-English speaking neighbors live in. It’s always fun to try to recall my limited Spanish vocabulary from my days as a youth working in the peach and almond harvests in the fields surrounding my hometown to communicate with the Mexican neighbors. My hometown now looks like a developing country with first generation Mexican farm laborers and turban clad East-Indian people walking the streets and populating the homes and businesses of the small community.

After rebuilding the fence we cut up all the wood debris into kindling and threw it into a huge pile (several pickup loads) in the corner of his yard by the chicken/rabbit pen. They will have kindling aplenty for several winters to come! Interspersed every three days in the fence project we had to journey up to Mariposa where we have 7-8 acres, a pond, mobile home, barn, and four donkeys. We also licensed the house boat trailer that has been sitting alongside Dad’s driveway for years (12+) and moved it up to Mariposa. We also towed the cement mixer and another trailer for the Bobcat up to the property on subsequent trips. The last time I was in Mariposa, I turned on the window air conditioner and out flew three small bats! I used an oversized spatula to “bat” the bats out of the air, defeating their famed bat radar, and knocking them to the ground. Bats are desirous creatures—they eat volumes of insects including keeping the mosquito population down on the pond.

With the fence rebuilt, I started in on the inside of the house. Wow—I had to call in reinforcements: My younger brother, Phil and his kids and my sister-in-law, Gloria and her housekeepers. Our goal was to begin the process of clearing mountains of clutter that Dad no longer needs and Mom has long forgotten. And mountains there were—all in all, three heaping truck loads to the dump transfer station. I also started finishing several drywall projects that Dad had started and didn’t have the time to finish. Hanging drywall, taping, sanding, texturing, and painting three good sized areas in their home. I also cleaned the various piles of lumber and other debris in the back yards and mowed and edged several times over the course of my stay (and I pruned the many rose bushes)—furnishing fresh cut rose buds to Mom every couple days.

We did laundry, cooked meals, cleaned closets and drawers, threw away a couch and chair—and really only made a good sized dent in the overall project. Now a housecleaner can come in every couple weeks and help Dad win the battle against clutter and the fine sand dust that lights on everything when the windows are opened at night. The first Sunday I was in town I took Mom and Dad back to the church they pastored for some 32 years—unbeknownst to me, they had never been back since retiring 12 years ago. The congregation has dwindled from the hundreds they shepherded to only eighteen adults—I’m sure it was a bitter-sweet experience for my parents.

At the end of my second week in CA, I went to my younger brother’s home to build a patio enclosure (arbor or shaded area). We hadn’t quite finished the project when it came time for me to fly home, so Phil got me a ticket and I stayed one additional week. And what a week—it turned hotter than Hades—107-110 degrees for the entire last week. Thank God for the pool and the lack of humidity—but no matter what—it was still HOT!! One of the benefits of visiting CA is eating at my older brother, Mark and Gloria’s restaurant, La Morenita! I made my way to Modesto four or five times in the three weeks—there’s nothing like their delicious Mexican food recipes! I’ll be going through withdrawals for weeks.

It is interesting and somewhat uncomfortable new territory beginning the process of taking care of my folks. We ordered Mom one of the electric wheelchairs advertised on TV from the Scooter Store—this should help her with mobility though she is often confused and will still require constant watchful care. Dad is still strong—but no longer the invincible patriarch he’s always been throughout my lifetime. He still enjoys caring for his donkeys and his new two little wiener dogs, Heidi (the eighth) and little longhaired, Foxy. He has his hands full cooking, doing laundry, and caring for Mom’s every need—including the many times she asks the same questions and always receives a patient, loving explanation or response from Dad.

I wish I could be closer to care from my parents and give back to them the way they’ve always provided for me—for now I’ll have to make it a priority to get back home a couple times a year to take care of my duties as their middle son, now middle-aged myself, and preparing for my first grandchild’s soon arrival!

Smallwood's Going Green(er)

Sun, 04 May 2008 04:39:08 GMT

We've decided to fight back with the price of gas--we just purchased scooters and a motorcycle (Steve) to use as our commute vehicles. 75-120 miles per gallon sounds much better than the hundreds we were spending on gas each month. Pammy (Pam's neice) is living with us for the summer...so she'd got a 49cc Honda Metro like her aunt Pam (blue and white on left). Steve has the too cool Honda Rebel 250 (red right), and Steven cruzing on the Yamaha Vino 125cc (bottom blue) Watch out Hell's Angels!! And Exxon Mobil and all oil rich nations...we've had enough...

Monday, April 07, 2008

Mon, 07 Apr 2008 11:30:30 GMT

religiously eclectic weekend

Friday evening I attended the Temple Israel Shabbat service out in Rogersville with my NT Literature class (they served wine for “religious purposes only” and bread along with snacks afterwards). Several of the students got really “religious” when they found out the wine was for “religious purposes”!!

Sunday morning I attended the 8am mass at St. Joseph’s Catholic service (last week I went to Christ Episcopal’s 8am service—very similar to St. Joseph’s). In the final prayer it was humorous that we prayed for the blessing of the “step-father of Jesus.” St. Joseph’s building is beautiful—and it appears that the congregation is very active. They were having a wine and cheese fundraiser one night this week $30.

At 9am I attended service at Central Assembly. I went by myself since Pam was off doing a drug test this weekend (a company pays people to be guinea pigs for new drugs they’re testing). It was communion Sunday at Central—I sat in the upper tier of the balcony—I kind of feel lost without Pam on weekends.

At 10:30am I attended The Core’s service at The Front Porch downtown. They also served communion around the tables and we talked and shared with one another. There was a mother and her eight and ten year old sons at our table. The ten year old was very articulate and said he just didn’t get the meaning of the whole juice and bread ceremony—David and Jessica (Evangel students at my table) patiently explained the meaning. The eight-year old was a Down’s syndrome child—the mother expressed how difficult it was to find a church where he would not be too disruptive. He soon got bored with our discussion and moved over to a table of other students—later he came back wearing one of the girl’s high heel shoes! The students were so gracious—and I could tell the mother was very relieved. She has been a spiritual “seeker” for years—Catholic, Mormon, Jehovah Witnesses, Baptist, Unitarian, etc. She seemed very bright—but seeking something that was authentic and non-manipulative.

Saturday we attended week four of the Dave Ramsey “Financial Peace University.” Excellent stuff—we’ve decided to follow his plan and “live like no one else now…so we can live like no one else later.” I think we’re going over to Bob and Sherlynn Cook’s home this evening—they just moved into town from Colorado to head up the AG Higher Education department.

I did yard work at home and Zach’s house (it sold after being on the market only three days last week). Jen's mom was in town this weekend--she stopped by and said goodbye before heading to the airport in Tulsa yesterday. Just going through the motions—I start a new degree completion class this Thursday evening…LIFE!

Tuesday, April 01, 2008

Tue, 01 Apr 2008 11:58:03 GMT

heart sick

We rarely acknowledge lamenting anymore;

I guess it’s an old fashioned concept these days—

Like Jeremiah’s lamentation—his song of mourning for Jerusalem.

Nothing else seems to capture the depth of grief and sorrow;

It’s beyond discouragement—though courage is surely gone;

It’s more pervasive than being distraught or upset;

Distress somehow doesn’t reach to the depths of the pain.

It’s akin to disillusionment—because all illusion has been removed;

Perhaps disheartened best captures the ominous cloud that hovers.

It hangs, it haunts, and it halts all normal feelings of happiness.

Disheartening—like a heart that has lost its rhythm;

No longer beating with metronome paced passion.

Minor things prompt tears—Major concerns are no longer.

The past seems wasted; the future unpromising;

The present filled with mundane, monotonous.

Nights stretch unbearably, treacherously long.

I find myself alone, lonely, lonesome.

My heart is sick—it aches deeply;

My days are filled with lamenting.

Monday, March 31, 2008

Mon, 31 Mar 2008 14:15:37 GMT

"Jesus is not the key that unlocks the treasure...

...He is the treasure!"

Saturday, March 29, 2008

Sat, 29 Mar 2008 10:18:24 GMT

the toxins of acquisition...faith and reliquishment

“The Abraham story narrates a way of living in which God is personal and immediate, in which God is embraced and followed, in which God speaks and is obeyed…the spare reticence of the narration invites a participating imagination—all that leaving, over and over. Habits of relinquishment became deeply ingrained in Abraham. They become deeply ingrained in us as we read. Leaving Ur and Haran, leaving Shechem and Bethel, leaving Egypt and Gerar, leaving Beersheba. Leaving, leaving, leaving. But every leaving was also a lightening of self, a further cleansing of the toxins of acquisition. A life of getting was slowly but surely replaced by a life of receiving—receiving the promises, receiving the covenants, receiving the three strangers, receiving Isaac, receiving circumcision, receiving ram in the thicket—being transformed into a life that abandons self-sovereignty and embraces God-sovereignty. Abraham did that for a hundred years: ‘sacrifice—Is slow as a funeral procession in rush-hour traffic, the sort of word—Other words pass, honking…’

In the process of leaving behind. Abraham became more, gradually but certainly realizing that relinquishment is prerequisite to fulfillment, that letting go of a cramped self-will opened up to an expansive God-willed life. Faith.” >>>Eugene Peterson

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Wed, 26 Mar 2008 12:22:17 GMT

Gay ole Paris...

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Wed, 26 Mar 2008 12:14:01 GMT

mona lisa

"Mona Lisa, Mona Lisa, men have named you
You're so like the lady with the mystic smile
Is it only 'cause you're lonely they have blamed you?
For that Mona Lisa strangeness in your smile?" >>>Nat King Cole

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Tue, 11 Mar 2008 07:02:36 GMT

God is our only help

Psalm 46

“God is our refuge and strength,
      always ready to help in times of trouble.
So we will not fear when earthquakes come
      and the mountains crumble into the sea.
Let the oceans roar and foam.
      Let the mountains tremble as the waters surge!

Our God says, "Calm down, and learn that I am God!

All nations on earth will honor me."

The LORD All-Powerful is with us.

The God of Israel is our fortress.”

James 4:8-10

“Come close to God, and God will come close to you.

Wash your hands, you sinners; purify your hearts,

for your loyalty is divided between God and the world.

Let there be tears for what you have done.

Let there be sorrow and deep grief.

Let there be sadness instead of laughter, and gloom instead of joy.

Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will restore you with honor.”

Psalm 139:23-24

“Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
Point out anything in me that offends you,
and lead me along the path of everlasting life.”

Philippians 4:5-7

“Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
Point out anything in me that offends you,
and lead me along the path of everlasting life.”

Proverbs 14:11-13

“Lives of careless wrongdoing are tumbledown shacks;
holy living builds soaring cathedrals.

There's a way of life that looks harmless enough;
look again—it leads straight to hell.
Sure, those people appear to be having a good time,
but all that laughter will end in heartbreak.”

Saturday, March 08, 2008

Sat, 08 Mar 2008 23:49:03 GMT

bruges--venice of the north

Yesterday we were in Bruges--a beautiful city in Belgium with canals and wonderful ancient cathedrals. This sentence is typed on q Europeqn keyboqrd zithout qdjusting finger positions11 Auite the chqllenge11 Off to Paris on the fast train this AM. Home tomorrow!!