the church retreat

so why do we go to church retreats? some people are looking for that source of light or sense of direction in their lives, some are looking for a weekend getaway from the stressful campus, some are looking for forgiveness in the heart, and some (boys) are just going for the girls they're trying to get. but no matter what "it" is that we are all looking for, when we all gather at a church retreat, we have one thing in common- we are all thirsty.

so maybe we are not completely happy with our current life, or we are just bored. no matter what it is, having that unknown urge makes us different people suddently so fundamentally the same. who can really say that they are completely happy with every minute of their lives, that life is perfect, that there is no regrets, no mistakes, no unfortunates, the answer is: there is no such person. everyone in the world is living their days searching for something, whether it is the good grades, the successful career, the faithful friends, the right person to marry. why are we always worrying? why are we never completely content with what we have already. why is it so hard to stop wanting.

C.S.Lewis once said "if we find ourselves a deep desire that cannot be satisfied, then we must be made for another world". what a world it would be, where we will no longer thirst for anything, where we would forever be satisfied. that isn't any other world, it is heaven. and yes, as John 4:5-15 stated, that if we drink the water from the well, one day it will run empty and we will be thirsty again. But the water God provides is water from the spring, and it will never run short.

if you are not happy with some things in your life, then those things are most likely not meant to be for you. so often we make a person we love, an object we treasure the ultimate thing in our lives, but these people and these things come and go, and they should only be the dimmed reflection of the true ultimate greater thing that is yet to come to us. only the near sighted see whats right in front of them, and not see anything  beyond it. but only to continuously seeking Jesus and the eternal life He provides us will we eventually taste the richness beyond our imagination. the richness that is being provided to us at our home above.

this was one of the many lessons learnt at the retreat this past weekend.

greetings

wat a merry christmas. now only if these two are here .. =P

BUT THEY CAN DANCE!

i know y'all probably think im a nerd but

DAMN i want this game so bad

on the side note, hello homies! 0936274144

a smile dearly missed

Sorry, I never told you, all I wanted to say.
Now it's too late to hold you.
Cause you've flown away, so far away.
Never, Had I imagined, yeah, living without your smile.
Feelin' and knowing you hear me.
It keeps me alive. Alive!

And I know you're shining down on me from Heaven,
Like so many friends we've lost along the way,
And I know eventually we'll be together.
One sweet day.

Picture a little scene from Heaven.
Darling, I never showed you.
Assumed you'd always be there.
I took your presence for granted.
But I always cared
And I miss the love we shared.
Although, the sun will never shine the same, I'll
always look to a brighter day.
Yeah, Lord, I know, when I lay me down to sleep,
You'll always listen, as I pray!

Sorry, I Never told you, all I wanted to say

this song "one sweet day" was sang at wei wei's memorial service yesterday.

it's scary to realize how much and how fast people forget things. i've always had a big problem with this issue. i tend to forget where i place things, or i tend to forget things i am supposed to do, or places i am supposed to be at, or people i am supposed to deal with. at the same time, it is also scary to realize how much people remember. i could be walking down to craig street for a cup of coffee, and suddently i pass by a person, a chair, a street sign, a song playing out from starbucks, memories come rushing back to me and i can't do anything to stop it.

i remember a few days ago when i got the invite about her service, it came to me like a shock with no warning. i was especially shocked at how my tears just filled my eyes the moment i saw the header of the facebook invite.. i was emotional, because i realized how much i have forgotten about this event, or about her. actually, i have not forgotten about wei wei, because everytime i walk down forbes on that side of the campus, i pass by where the accident took place. everytime i go buy truck food, i sigh at the poster and the bouquets of dried out flowers people left for wei wei at the corner of that street. i am constantly reminded by wei wei's image, but this memorial service just emphasize too many other things, including the fact that tomorrow will be her 20th birthday, a day she had been looking forward and counting her days to, yet a day she will never be able to enjoy celebrating. and of course, another thing is simply the idea of "celebrating a death", which i was not ready for.

i have never gone to an american memorial service, nor a service for a friend of my age. i didn't know what to wear, how to feel, or what to expect when i get there. thankfully the service went smoothly, and everyone acted as strong as they could be. there were many different groups of people there at the service. there were wei wei's sorority sisters, her greek life friends from other fraternities and sororities, her business fraternity brothers, her cheerleading teammates, her classmates, her high school friends, her teachers, her advisors, her co-workers... and then there were us, a group of friends who have met her since the first month of her freshmen year. her friends, teachers, sisters and brothers began sharing their poetry readings, letters, singing, and simply thanks to weiwei for all that she has done for the people of this campus.. one of sisters expressed their memory of her by a simple short quote: "the world always looks better behind a smile"... everyone held their breaths as they heard the quote, and many silently nodded. what perfect words for such a girl. i could not help but think to myself, "if it was me who have gotten in the accident, who would be at my service, would there be such diversed group of people like this one? and what would people say about me? would they really think i have done anything at all that has changed people's lives?"

i wonder why, that often times we can be so caught up with so many things in our lives, that we begin to forget the real important part of the world around us. and when once a while, we have a person so naive and selfless like wei wie, God decides to take her away, along with all the bright things she could have brought to this world. being a christian, i cannot live thinking that God has made a mistake, so when wei wei first passed away i told myself God took away a good part of our world to make our lives more difficult, in able to really see His almighty power and grace, and the need to continue to believe and seek Him. Perhaps that is what death in general is all about, that death is to remind us the importance to pursue God and his work, to continue to bring more people to Christ before it is too late, because you never know what will happen in the next moment of your life.

at the end of the service, each of us were given a pink carnation to remember wei wei by. on a table outside of the memorial hall there sat two posters for people to write to wei wei. when i first got to the service i didn't feel like writting, my mind was pretty blank and i really didn't know where to even begin expressing my feelings. however after the service, i was once again reminded by the one thing i've always wanted to say to her: hey wei wei, there's one thing that i cannot forget, and that is the image of you walking away from uc when i saw you in the gym that afternoon. i wished i had gone to you to say hi, and though at the moment i was surprised to be reminded at how long we havn't really chatted, i said to myself ' i will catch up with her the next time i see her'. i was wrong for assuming there is always a next time, and i regret it days and nights since the accident. thank you, for giving me this valuable lesson, for i will never take any one around me for granted, because life is so unpredictable and fragile and if i don't treasure it all today then tomorrow it might be too late.

wei wei and i were never the closest friends. we chatted with each other more through aim and xanga then face to face. i saw her most in person at clubs and once in a while we will dance with each other a little. sometimes she will message me about a xanga comment i left for her and then we will start chatting about our day, our grades, our friends, our fobbiness. we joke about ourselves, our problems, and then we backed each other up. so at the end of the day, we could feel a little comfort knowing that someone understand our problem completely. now that she is gone, now that i have gone to her memorial service, i live on another day, with new perspective and a lesson learnt. wei wei will never be gone forever, because i know for a fact that whenever i am frustrated with people and the world around me, if i think of her positive attitude and her smile, i will know the attitude i should act upon.