Relieved or Disappointed? Nah, just confused.

You know how when you're living in your head daydreaming, you're a total superstar who does everything right? Convince difficult people with ease, come up with witty repartees, dazzle people with your charm?

But in reality, you're nervous, mute, pulling blanks?

Yeah, consider it an almost-happened.

A coworker got asked to do a live interview on CNBC's Cash Flow on Friday regarding the iPhone launch, and had been trying to push it in my direction. My supervisor's already doing another interview that same day, so he's declined, but he's also nixed the idea of me doing it. Equal parts relief and opportunity missed. If this were daydreamland, this would be a great chance to up my work profile and my sparkle would win me accolades. (Haven't I always suspected I'd be a better interviewee in person than on paper?) However, in realityville, doing a first TV interview *live* could be well, a disasterous humiliation that could take a while to recover from. I do sense a Bridget Jones-style public speaking moment is probably what has been prevented. :D 

Although in daydreamland this would never happen, in realityville, it's best that I follow the advice of doing a prerecorded interview the first time I do finally get around to it. Thinking about the possibility of being so public at all causes a lurch in my stomach that I haven't felt since doing group presentations back in the university days, but I guess that feeling is what's called pushing yourself out of your comfort zone, and that's always a positive step to succeeding in life, right? Right. Another day, another chance to embarrass myself. Just consider though that you've lost a good self-deprecating story for this blog.

On a completely unrelated note, I've just had it with the tax system in Singapore. Last year turned out a disaster, and this year has been sooo difficult for me to even have the opportunity to pay my taxes, involving several phone calls, and personal trips down to IRAS (aka Singapore's IRS). A couple weeks ago, I finally got assessed and paid up and was like yay! But no. that was not the end of it. I received a letter in the mail today, with a cheque. For the entire amount that I was owing, being returned back to me. With no explanation. Ummmmmmmmmmmm, ok? I'm not like complaining, but I reallllly hope that 2 years down the road I don't get a bill for that amount plus some insane amount of interest, yknow?

Life, tis been weird as of late.

With the Diaphragm Now

Jin recently remarked the other day, how different we are in fundamentals sometimes, that is to say, in what we find funny. It shouldn't really come as such a huge surprise, given that humour is such a culturally-dependent construct, but we do share one thing in common, whatever differences exist between our perceptions are dwarfed by the gap between us and the local heartlander Singaporean. On Sunday we went to catch Hancock, which I was like yeah... ok... I can see why it could be funny kinda sorta *if* I were high, but my uppity attitude was not shared by the rest of the crowd who were letting out big ole guffaws and belly laughs. They just LOVED this obvious Will Smith punchliney humour. And I in turn, loved watching them laugh. This is why I endure freezing cold theatres of Chatty mcChattersons, because it kills me that Singaporeans laugh at such odd times (granted, odd in my mind only).

On a tangential note, things I find slayingly amusing, but Jin not-so-much:

• Cat macros. Jin loves the real furballs, but I prefer mine to be lovingly captioned.
• Flight of the Conchords. Business Time and Hiphopopotamus vs. Rhymenoceros to name a couple. Jin does not even crack a smile, while I'm killing myself over "business socks."
• SNL. Specifically sketches featuring Andy Samberg or Celebrity Jeopardy featuring Sean Connery
• Ultra Condensed Movies. Especially ones that hark back to old movies like Indiana Jones or that mean that I don't need to watch a shitty movie to get the jist like the Happening.

I may have been gone a while, but I'm still culturally North American in some ways still.

Surreal-ish

Lately I've been living in a bit of a foggy daze where it's as if I'm watching myself through a lens rather than full-on living it up. Life's been mostly very random moments, up, down, and in-between:

Up or maybe down: Was promoted recently, which coincided with a headhunter contacting me a week prior. For whatever reason, I guess my career is on an uptick, but this comes in at a time where I feel very frustrated with what I feel I should be able to do now (but don't).

Odd: Earlier in the week I was riding an escalator when I heard an 'excuse me' from behind. This fella claimed to be a singapore airlines pilot who was looking for 'friends' and would I like to be his 'friend' if I 'didn't mind older guys.' He was harmless enough, and no harm done, took the rejection very kindly. It was only later on  that I wondered whether he had been following me around the mall waiting for his chance at a time I wouldn't run away, or if it was just a carpe diem type thing. Singapore really tends to dull your safety senses, lulled as you are by the low crime rate, so I will try to stay more alert in the future.

Up, up, up: Feeling disconnected as I have been, I was tickled pink to see some recent pics of indeenile on FB, notably a necklace she was wearing. I own the exact same one in a different color, and there's something to be said when she and I buy things in Toronto and Singapore, respectively, but retain the exact same taste. Even now, our shared Edmonton upbringing still shines through even as we've been both living away in different places for so many years now. Especially since this isn't the first time to have happened, there's something to be said about the comfort of old friends.

Uppish: As I was exiting a taxi on the weekend on my own, the taxi uncle asked me if my mole was real or fake. After I got over my confusion, I said real, and he said it was very sexy. I really must have some pheromone out there pulling in the old guys lately, but how to shut it off? Dunno.

Coming down: Hit the wall on Sunday, and do sense that my current lethargy may be to do with a lack of physical exercise. Forced myself through some climbs, but was mentally psyched out by a very easy lead climb. Mental blocks seem to be where I'm at everywhere lately, I need some help to keep the chi flowing.

Fell down: Literally. Tripped on a speed bump this Monday morning as I was walking out of my condo complex, falling forward onto the knee, and thought Ow, my poor ego as stranger who shared the elevator with me saw the whole thing called out to me 'are you all right??'. It was only after I just caught the bus and found a seat that I realized that oh, I was kinda bleeding here and there. Just as well I had half a dozen bandaids to cover the gore as other passengers watched on. Guess this puts a kibosh on the plans I have to hit the wall again tomorrow.

I'm patiently waiting now for something to either tug me out of this mire, or for it to evaporate on its own accord. It will, it will, as I've weathered many a funk, but patience has never been my strong suit.

July already, what?

I cannot believe it is already July. So many things to do, and so little motivation. I think I've fully run out of wedding steam. Last weekend we held a catered barbeque at our condo's poolside, mostly for our colleagues and some other Singapore friends that we weren't able to ask to come to Thailand, with pics posted on Facebook. Despite the party being fully catered, I still went through the whole evening running around in half conversations whilst getting people ice, cups, doing the host thing. I think connie speaks true when she says that you enjoy these events more in retrospect, as I am at least able to claim the party's success based solely upon Jin and a bunch of his coworkers throwing each other in the pool, to heck with wallets, glasses, phones and ipods alike. I guess I hate being the host is all, since you don't get to enjoy your own party. But I've enjoyed myself at many a party, so it's only fair. =)

As much as I look forward to coming back home, I do have to say that I just need a break. So it's yes seeing people that I want to do, but not necessarily all at once, I'm more looking to spend quality time here and there as much as I possibly can. I need some shopping buds too. ; ) And possibly someone to keep me from stuffing my face with North American junk food.

Creepy much?